Are you ever sad about who you've become??

11Linda · Post by **11Linda** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 2:30 pm

I'm very sad tonight. I'm sad for me. I'm sad for my kids who no longer have the mom that they used to. I'm sad for my amazing husband who 'lost' his wife a few years ago, to agoraphobia, anxiety, panic attacks and sickness (probably caused by anxiety). We no longer travel together, we never dine out, we never go to friends home or have them over.

I'm just plain sad tonight. I pray and hope and wish and try so hard to work with the program to be me again..but I guess that I'm sad because I realize that me is how I am now and not how I used to be. I don't think that I can do it. I'm not supposed to have negative thoughts, I know, but they are there.

Sorry for such a depressing post. Tomorrow the sun will shine.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 3:17 pm

First of all ( and I mean with this respect and caring) that is a terriable way to look at it! Think happy thougts about who you are gonna be, not the old mom, not the current mom, but a whole new person, one better than ever. Positive self talk and thinking work, and they work well. You need to change your mind set from what you were, and are, to what you can become. No doubt it is not eay, I have worked my ass off and still have, and will probably always have to work on my attitude. The work has paid off tremendously, my kids are finally reconnecting and our family is regrouping. It is a wonderful feeling, so pick yourself up and get going. It is worth all the work. All the best!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 3:59 pm

11linda,
i was just like you in 2004..i was going through a divorce and had skin cancer. had panic and anxiety and agrophobia...i had spent 22 yrs in the military and was married for over 30 yrs..she ran around and its a long story in my progile..if you are doing the program take it one step at a time. if it worked for me it will work for you..i will pray for you that GOD will see you through this hard time and get you through it..you need to think positive and take baby steps. start out slow. go in and sit at the frond door orf the resturant and if you have to leave get it to go..if you can not go out then go through a drive through..i even went to church and sat in the back in case i had to leave..if i can do it and others have as well you can rise above this..[lease keep in touch if you like..doninva23605@yahoo.com
do not beat yourself up..you did nothing wrong to have what you have..but you have to work with it to get over it.take care and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers..GOD BLESS.
DON
you can do it i know you can..if you only beleive..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:41 pm

You CAN do it!!! The person you were is not gone, just having a rough time. Start small doing what you can to turn those negative thoughts to positive thoughts. Praise yourself for every little accomplishment- doing the dishes, washing clothes. Reach out to your kids and husband. Start by just giving them a hug and telling them how lucky you are to have them, then thank God for them, then pat yourself on the back. I've been where you are and I came out of it. Stick with the program. If you aren't on an antidepressant, talk to your doctor about it. Maybe an anxiety med also. Reach out to God, read an inspiring book (I love Joyce Meyers' 100 Devotions for the Battlefield of the Mind), look in the Inspiration Forum. Good luck and God bless. bev

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:06 pm

I MISS ME TOO.IT SUCKS. MY KIDS MISS ME TOO. MY FRIENDS MISS ME. MY HUSBAND MISSES ME.I HEAR YOU GIRL...............MALIKYE

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:22 pm

I too can relate, i miss me!My husaband and family, friends miss me.....I know though I will be a better me, when I work through this program.....I feel so selfish - like I am keeping my family from doing things we used to....You are not alone...I wouldn't leave my house for 1.5 months....Wouldn't drive, nothing! Then I decided a few months ago I am going to get out otherwise I am prolonging my fears. I started driving just down the block, then, down busy streets, then amazingly I started going everywhere even alone, I still get scared at times, but i do it.....You can too. YOU HAVE IN THE PAST YOU CAN YOU WILL BECAUSE YOU WANT TO! Take a glass jar and every little step you make, put a penny in it to show your accomplishments for the day...It helps, REALLY! It sounds strange but it may work for you too.....I wish you the best.....I will pray for you as I hope you will for me....Battlefield of the mind is a wonderful book by Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen has great books also.....Tell yourself that thank you Lord, for giving me the strength to make progress I know it is going slow, but I am taking steps to make it through this journey, we all have set backs, but try not to beat yourself up.....We are our own worst enemy....Think of the NEW YOU which will be NEW AN IMPROVED, instead of who you once were.....I suffer with OCD SEVERE, scary thoughts, you name it I have had them.....I am here if you want to talk.

IN HIS NAME,
Patricia

Read in the BIBLE Ephesians 6:10-18 " The Armor of GOD!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 11:59 pm

Yes i have felt the way you do. I have felt about every emotion in relation to having anxiety. (sad, anger, frustration, aggravation, and the list goes on). Its all in how you look at it too though. What would even be sadder is if you let things stay this way without doing something about it, now that would truly be pathetic.
I think what your experiencing emotionally is normal with this condition, I think its also part of the the growing process. I literally had to get so angry at this condition and myself before doing something about it. I'm not saying i'm totally 100 percent healed, but I am in a much better place than i was 3 yrs ago. For me it hit so quickly in 2003 into 2004. my life turned upside down. i thought i was dyeing, etc etc. but i'm still here..
the question to you is ; "What are you gonna do about this? ". and dont do it out of guilt for others, do it FOR YOU!. use it as a way to explore who you are, what makes you tick. I really believe that this happend to each of us for a reason. to teach us something in life..
Peace..
Jeff

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 1:10 am

Good Morning.
I feel that you are in the right direction and am making progress since you are posting your feelings and life is a struggle at times, we aren't the same parents, partners, spouces, friends etc that we were 10, 15 years ago. Life throws us curve balls and sometimes it's hard to get back on course. That's why I'm here - I want to smile more; I want to laugh more; I want to show emotions I'm tired of being what everyone else wants me to be. I want to stop feeling angry and mad all the time. My daughter said to me that when she got older she wasn't coming home much-she was tired of my yelling. That is when I decided I needed to do something about me. I am headed in the right direction and it's going to take alot of work and God help me.
You can do this you already are headed in the right direction you're speaking out.

Cancer25

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 11:35 am

I can't thank you all enough. I have printed your replies and will keep them with me. Knowing that you may have felt, at some point, just like I do. Knowing that you are all working as hard as I am. Knowing that I someday, if I keep working the program, I just may be able to do the things that I used to on top of all the great stuff that I have learnt through the program...that does sound like an even better ME than before!!

I knew the sun would shine today. I try to keep positive but yesterday (sometimes) I get 'tired' of always having to fight and try sooo hard for tiny things that I see others do automatically...that I used to do without a second thought.

Again, thank you so much for taking your time to write to me. Please know that I apreciate it greatly.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:51 pm

Linda
I felt exactly like you!! Especially about my children, and was angry everyday that i COULDNT go and do like other moms with my kids. It took years of my life from me, cause I didnt know exactly what it was, or how to change it!!
Till i got this program.. I was scared to do the program to, but Hated the way i was. It wasa HOPE for me.. And it should be for you to!!
I finished the program in 2005,, and now i go, and do, and travel with my husband!! What a glorious revelation to realize, symptoms cant harm you, and you CAN control your thoughts, and your life..
Im no longer the person I was,, Im a NEW person! No anxiety, and enjoying life!!! I hope this for you to!! Do what the program says, make yourself do it! Because you can Overcome this!!! Take care Nelly:)