could I be gay or bi, please help, what do you think

[cuttingirl]

First off, let me say that I am in a loving committed relationship with a man whom I would never cheat on or hurt in any way. There is no one but him and I do not plan on changing that which I have. But there is a side of me I've always been uncertain about. I find the female form very appealing aesthetically speaking and admire many succesful women. I have this with men too. Can anyone relate or offer advice? I have no intention of exploring around or searching for a female companion, I love my fiancee, but these feelings and affinity have always been with me and I need to understand them and their significance. He already knows about this anyway. Just as a commited heterosexual would not cheat with a member of the opposite sex, similarly I would not do so with anyone. Thank you for any advice or insight, I am in need of it. I wonder if I'm confused because I haevn't had great successful relationships with men.

[Ronman]

I think that, being human, you are having typical or normal thoughts about your sexuality. These are normal, if my readings on the subject are any guide - especially for people like us who analyze everything in our lives. Could you be projecting? That is, the feelings you have, could they be reflections of the way you wish you were treated? You want or need something emotional or sexual, so you project ( in a controlled manner, no doubt ) these needs onto another female? What part does "control" have to play in this?

[deedee00]

You sound gay to me. When you're a woman and the penis gross you out, that's a clue. In the progam about questioning your sexuatiy was talked about, they meant that some people were concerned about their sexuality because they had thoughts about it but these people hadn't acted on the thoughts. You have a history of gay actions. There are many gay people who are married. There's nothing wrong with being gay, I have close gay relatives that I love. But only you know for sure. This is only my opinion. I'm just answering your question.

[swanees]

This is just my opinion but I would get a good counselor. You might have some childhood hang ups that are affecting the way you feel as an adult. Like maybe your mom wasn't around and you need that attention from a woman. Or something really grossed you out with a man growing up. Our minds can really do a number on us with different things. Look at us with the anxiety and panic attacks there is always a reason but we need to find out why and fix it.
Not sure if that made any sense but I pray for wisdom and peace for you in this matter because it has to be hard on you.
Be Blessed

[cuttingirl]

Thank you all for responding, it has been very helpful. I edited my post a little above because I am a little embarassed by it

[FreeToBeGG]

No reason to be embarassed, cuttingirl. If you're gay, straight, or bisexual, then that's what you are. I'm a lesbian who didn't realize she was a lesbian until she was 19 years old. A little late by some people's standards, but I really don't care about other's standards. When I came into consciousness of being gay and came out, I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders.

Many believe, as do I, that sexuality is not black and white. Instead it lies on a continuum. Are you gay, perhaps. That will take a lot of deep reflection on your part. Are you straight, perhaps. There are many, many women who are gay and in heterosexual marriages when they come out.

I know that I am not offering much in the way of advice, but this is such a personal thing. Only you know. Do some research and some more self-reflection, and eventually, when you're ready, you'll know the answers to your questions.

Good luck! Feel free to email me at gm_umbarger@yahoo.com if you want to talk privately about this. I am here to listen.

Genie

[Liz*]

I understand your embarrasment but it's only because this world tries to put labels on everything. As a transgendered person I am neither male or female, I dress as I please when I please. Being biologically male, I am straight by human standards and only attracted to females. I have a relationship with God that transcends all religious doctrine and the misinterpretations of the Bible by ignorant Christians, for the Bible says "My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge." The problem with Christianity today is that the majority of my fellow Christians are ignorant of the Bible, probably can't quote two verses of the Bible outside of John 3:16 and listen to the likes of preachers who avoid mention of sin and salvation and just tell you to speak it and believe it.

You are a spiritual being and have feelings for many people. However, you are married and have made a commitment to your husband. It is important to honor that commitment. For the person who said you need a good counselor, that's ridiculous. What's a good counselor? One that supports his opinions? If you seek a counselor, find one that you can trust, have a good rapport with and will help you find a personal relationship with God and develop your spirituality in this physical world.

Best wishes

[cuttingirl]

Hey guys! It's been a while since I posted this. Thank you Liz for bumping it! Seeing it again is great. To update/clarify, the relationship I was in at the time I wrote it is over. We were committed and faithful but it is over. I've been basically single since then. Thank you guys, all, for responding and encouraging and sharing insights!

[tina martin]

It will be one grand day when people come to understand that nature creates homosexuality and transgendered people. They are born that way. I have connections to the gay community and have yet to hear anything different. There are also significant variations in sexual drive. Why can't we accept these realities? Why the inveterate insistence on conformity?

And now for another group: the atheists. What will we do about them? To be up front: I belong to this group though I am agnostic. What's more, I respect all beliefs. But can that respect be reciprocated? Rarely, in my experience.

[Liz*]

Don't know what to tell you, Tina. I have always known the Lord and never doubted God's existence. But I certainly support and respect your right to your beliefs.

You question why the insistence in conformity, well, that's one area the Bible has given me comfort and strength. Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Best wishes