I've been missing church for months..again

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Sun Nov 21, 2010 10:11 am

Hi Jill--Well, I survived my family reunion, I had a really great time and brought my FIL back and got his bed made and made sure he was all set in bed before I took my anti-depressant that makes you sleepy. Then DH came home in another car, and we stayed and talked for a bit. So my FIL was already up and ready for church 3 hours before we neeeded to go, which I was pretty sure he would be.

I just wasn't ready to get ready for church until I had my bath. So DH managed to get up and get FIL to church on time. Now that we have arrived back home, my DD is taking FIL back to the family reunion to eat and I'm taking some alone time to check here.

But I'm really tired from going to bed late and being more busy than usual. But I'm getting along well with my own adult children and relatives. I even ate some sugary foods, but not much and healthy last night. Stayed away from soda pop and many of the sweets.

I can understand how you neck or shoulder muscles can get so knotted tight with stress. So I hope you are doing better.

I reduced my anti-depressant a few mgs to see how I do. I need to start taking more vitamins but did have some tuna this morning and have been eating my own homemade chili which has lean beef and no extra salt or added ingredients except for 3 different kinds of beans, chopped tomatoes w/ no added ingredients and I added the chili pepper to my liking. But stayed away from the really hot chili green pepper. I added some chopped onions as well.

So I've been living on that part of the week with DH. It is a very healthy meal and easy to heat up. It gets better each day. I eat with tortilla chips and grated cheese or cottage cheese.

Well, I better take off, another day of visiting w/ relatives that live out of state or quite a distance before the snow flies!

Paislee

jillzmind · Post by **jillzmind** » Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:41 pm

Well hubby took off early to church with a ride from my Pastor since he was over this way picking up some other folks. So I had the car to scoot to church alone and I went and it was such a blessing to go. Someone dear to Rob and I was there and she showered us with kindness and said she could see me growing and changing even if I couldn't see it myself. I needed that. Anyway hubby stayed later and got a ride home too and I felt so loved by his generosity to get rides that I really want to work on practicing with him more. There was no yelling at me or rolling of his eyes etc. Love motivates it really does

Heard a good message, met some new folks and got some much needed clothes for boys for our churches clothing closet for those in need. I would have missed out on all that had I stayed home in sadness and shame. Thanks for the love and prayers and support.

Way to go Paislee on facing some of your fears I am glad you had a good time

. Way to go on taking care of yourself too. Kudos!!!

Jill~

flippinkid · Post by **flippinkid** » Mon Nov 22, 2010 2:20 am

I just wanted to share my church experience.

After many episodes of gripping the pew in front of me with sweaty palms, feeling nauseous and being afraid that I would pass out, embarrassing myself completely. (I hoped that if I did pass out I would do so in a ladylike manner!) (How does one pass out in a ladylike manner?)

Then a week ago and 7 weeks of working this program, I finally was able to go to church, without any medication, sit through two services, work after each service in the book store and I had no episodes, none.

Then yesterday, wonders of wonders. (To understand the enormity of this day, you have to know that my parents have never once said they loved me or were proud of what I had accomplished. (I'm 57 and love them anyway) I don't like admitting this, but nothing I have done or said has ever pleased them and to this day I had never received an acknowledgement that I did a good job. Instead there were always many put downs and mean comments.) My Pastor announced to the very large congregation that he wanted to present an award to someone who had shown extraordinary service to the church, in appreciation for all that this faithful person had been done. He very rarely gave these out. I can only remember one other occasion in the years I have been going there. I stood up ready to take a photo of the person collecting the award (I produce the newsletter). Then I realised he was calling my name! I had to walk up in front of all those people and receive the award. And the congregation stood up and applauded me. And then I had to sit through the second service so I could do it again.

A few months ago, I would not have been able to do that. During the second service, knowing it was coming I started telling myself. I'm not going to fall, I'm not going to slip, I'm not going to do anything that might embarrass me. I'm going to step up, say thankyou and gracefully make my way back to my pew. And folks, that is what I did. Pastor said that God had been laying it on his heart to do this for a while now.

I realized what had really happened - finally, my Father has told me He was proud of me! Not my biological father, but the Father who really counts. And the congregation of the church stood and clapped in agreement.

Thank you Lucinda and all the people who put this program together. Look how far I've come!

Be encouraged all you strong, capable people out there. What you all go through every day and still you survive and live to see another day, would make most people give up.

We are all very extraordinary! And I say Thank
God for this disorder that has made me who I am today. I have learnt so much and have such joy in my heart these days that I do not regret the empty years.

jillzmind · Post by **jillzmind** » Mon Nov 22, 2010 2:41 am

Flip

That is so cool. And just like the Lord to send you that big ol hug of affirmation when you need it most. Way to go on working it and living in the moment. Awesome news

Jill~

shello · Post by **shello** » Mon Nov 22, 2010 3:44 am

I have had my issues with Church as well. I had a panic attack at Church on an Easter Sunday - didn't go back to Church for almost a year and never went back to that Church. I wonder what causes that?

flippinkid · Post by **flippinkid** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 2:43 am

Shello,

I guess we get anxious because there are so many people around. I've seen a couple of people pass out - one was right in front of me - and I had that vision in my head whenever I started to feel odd.
I can't bear the thought of embarrassing myself by passing out.

I walked through the chapel the other evening without switching on the lights, carrying some files, and tripped over, banging my knees, then lost my balance as I tried to get up and fell again, banging my head. I was terrified someone would come in and see me there on the floor. It didn't matter that I was hurting - I jumped right up and went on my way, shaken but pride intact.
Aren't we just a mess (smile). Even if I dropped down dead in church- I would be so embarrassed I would want to die!!!!
Tell me - is that a realistic, rational and reasonable thought?

So I have learnt to say "I'm not going to pass out. This nausea and lightheadedness will pass. I'm going to breathe and I will be fine.' And guess what - I am.
So now I believe the positive thoughts that I am telling myself, just like I used to believe the negative thoughts.

I would love to hear that you have taken yourself to church again. If you don't try, how will you ever beat this thing?

Will keep you in myprayers.....

SilverLining · Post by **SilverLining** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 4:08 am

Hello, I am ashamed to admit that I too have not been to church in over a year due to anxiety/panic attacks. I also struggle with going to stores, etc., so it isn't just church.

What makes me want to cry is that because of me being unable to go, my husband and children don't go either and my kids miss it so much. My husband seems to be drifting, and that scares me. I know I have to step through the fear and not let the symptoms move me. I get the heart skips and bad dizziness. I am reading through Joyce Meyer's book, "Power Thoughts" right now and it is helping me realize what I have been doing wrong with my thoughts. I have been through the StressCenter.com program over a year ago and have had some victories but I am struggling bad again. I love the Lord with all my heart and it grieves me to think of how I am failing in this area and how it is affecting my family.

It is a difficult time for me but I am believing for some breakthroughs. I know God still loves me even as I struggle through this. I am so thankful that He is with me through this.

My world is very small right now, but I am believing for the day when I can stand up and teach again and give my testimony. Thanks for sharing your stories, whether they be struggles or victories. It helps to know I am not alone.

BookOfPsalms · Post by **BookOfPsalms** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:32 am

Hi flippinkid! I wanted to say that is awesome that you were able to get through it all. God is so wonderful because when you were least expecting, you received the award!

Glad you are doing well! God Bless You!

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 1:35 pm

You will all make it thru. It's been 2 years since I finished the program and I still have my moments, but now I don't run out of a store or leave work early. I breathe my way thru it and realize that I'm not going to pass out or get sick. I started taking a B12 suppliment (dr's orders) and I don't know if it's in my mind or not, but I'm feeling good ! LOL

You can all make it !

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 2:55 pm

Way to go, Jill! I'm glad you made it to church and your hubby supported you!