How Do You Deal with Disappointment, Frustration, Feeling Down, Minimal Expectations

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:15 am

Thanks so much, Cloie.

Instead of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), I will be doing CMT (Cognitive Monetary Therapy.)

lovemyfamily · Post by **lovemyfamily** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:40 am

I too have low expectations of myself. I am my own worse enemy. I hooked up with a temp agency and they called me for a job and I immediately started telling myself "oh you probably can't live up to the new employees expectations". I have been anxious since the temp lady called trying to figure out if I can do this. I don't even have to say I'm going to stay full time but just the thought of letting someone down makes me feel anxious. I will continue on though.

lovemyfamily · Post by **lovemyfamily** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:51 am

How do I deal with the anxiety of a new job? I don't even know if I can deal with this. I haven't worked a real job in over 10 years. I don't know if I can even committe (sp) to this much less keep the job. So afraid of disappointing people. Help.

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:26 pm

lovemyfamily,

I have gone through the self-put-downs. It is a bad habit and, for me, dates back to childhood. I even did a form of it yesterday and today with my pending new job.

The HR guy called me yesterday. He said I had to complete the online application, now that I have been offered the job. The application includes scheduling a drug test and approving a background check of work, criminal, and credit histories. He also said I need a reference letter from a work colleague since I have been out of work for over a year.

The offer extended to me was the initial one pending the outcomes of the test and checks. I, presently, am like the ballplayers that signed onto a new team and the reports say something like "Joe Blow signed with the XYZ's, pending a physical exam" or "Joe Blow has agreed in principal to the XYZ's offer."

I became very uptight and nervous. The main thing was the reference letter. I could get one, that wasn't the problem. This is the first time when getting hired I had to provide such a document. "They already had the references on my application, so why do they need a formal letter?" I fretted. I have no criminal background so that wasn't an issue but the job history (not the most linear

) and the credit (has gotten a little bad from the past year of being late with loan payments) checks were weighing on me. Deep down I was "awaiting for the other shoe to drop." This is based on my life experiences and in particular of the let-downs of this year's other job attempts. I gradually calmed down and eventually left late in the afternoon to get the drug test done with.

Today, I took a walk to the post office to drop off the remaining papers from the online application that had to be completed by hand. As I prepared to leave my apartment and while during the walk, I felt tense. Why? Same as yesterday: long history of let-downs, current history of job let-downs.

If you have the program, I would recommend doing the breathing exercises. I see they have sections on the forum about self-talk and expectations. Read through those threads and/or do the exercises.

Buy books on self-improvement. Spend a day in Barnes and Noble or other bookstore and check out these books. See which ones deal with your situation. Buy them there or if you want them cheaper--this is what I do

--write down the book name and author and buy them on Amazon.

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Thu Sep 09, 2010 11:44 am

Chuck ! Why would a company care about someone's credit history ? It would seem to me that something like that would be none of their business. Seems odd to me.

Stop worrying Chuck. You have the job (even though they want formal documents now - that seems odd to me too).

Consider the job yours. They just need to fill up a file folder I guess.

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:16 am

Originally posted by manofmusic:
Chuck ! Why would a company care about someone's credit history ? It would seem to me that something like that would be none of their business. Seems odd to me.

Stop worrying Chuck. You have the job (even though they want formal documents now - that seems odd to me too).

Consider the job yours. They just need to fill up a file folder I guess.

I believe the credit check supposedly relays to your character--in their eyes. Quite honestly it is so absurd.

How about this? The firm that is doing the background check for "my" company is asking me for information my college and last two jobs. I DID THIS ONLINE AND ON PAPER ALREADY. Plus: YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR JOB?

(Insert here English and Italian curses.)

I spoke with "my" company's HR contact, the one of I have been dealing with. He said he has been dealing with this incidents like this for a year now. His job as a recruiter has taken on more administrative duties instead of just finding qualified talent.

So now I can either not assist with the background check or not start Oct 4 (or worse loose the job opportunity), or help them. Oh well, let me get the diploma off the wall.

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Sat Sep 11, 2010 5:47 am

Wow...ummmmm...it's just getting more and more bizarre as the days roll on !

You should just go there on Monday and sit behind a desk and say "Hi ! I'm Chuck ! I'm here to start work today. I was hired yesterday. Don't tell me you lost all that paperwork ??!?!?!"

It sounds like they wouldn't know if you were telling the truth or not ! yikes !

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Sun Sep 12, 2010 12:22 pm

Originally posted by manofmusic:
Wow...ummmmm...it's just getting more and more bizarre as the days roll on !

You should just go there on Monday and sit behind a desk and say "Hi ! I'm Chuck ! I'm here to start work today. I was hired yesterday. Don't tell me you lost all that paperwork ??!?!?!"

It sounds like they wouldn't know if you were telling the truth or not ! yikes !

They wanted the reference letter on my friend's job's letterhead.

Lunacy. Absolute lunacy. I forward it as it was written: a blank MS Word document as an attachment. No letterhead.

I am very sick right now: nausea, aches, fatigue, and feverish. I virtually ate nothing since this started late this morning.

Thanks, man.

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:40 am

I am feeling 99-100% better from the stomach virus.

I just saw a segment on CNN that seems tailor made for me. It discussed a link between negative/downer attitudes and heart disease People with this type of attitude are 3x more likely to have heart problems

. They even mentioned my moniker, Charlie Brown, and Oscar the Grouch as examples of attitudes that can lead to heart problems. It's ironic because when I joined this forum I felt very much like "Good grief" hence the name Charlie Brown. (I don't think I will change it, just because that's who people know me as.)

What I am going to change is my attitude--and fast. As many here know, my biggest health concern is getting a heart attack at a relatively young age. Now for the past several days I have been a combination of mopy and anxious because I am in the limbo stage of getting a job. This stage is the time between initial offer and officially getting the job after the background check is done. I am now going to be like--"no worries" and keep upbeat.

This very ironic: making a profound fear (heart attack) work for me (rapidly improving my attitude).

THH · Post by **THH** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:48 pm

YAY Charlie! Glad your feeling better. Its terrible when sick!
I seen the cnn news too.

We all have been working hard on learning new ways to cope better with stress. I to worry about health anxietys. I find it helpful to do positive self talk, lesson 3. We have to keep positive. We can control our thoughts you know? LOL...

Good for you on realizing you are going to change your attitude!

Keep your self busy as you wait to start your job. Stay in the present, no wondering whats!
Enjoy "no job" statis for now. ENJOY...