Did I do the right thing???

melissa51 · Post by **melissa51** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:01 am

Hi everyone,
I have spoken to many of you and you know what I have been going through. Well, to add to all of that my husband is addicted to pain killers. I just found out that he spent the mortgage and car payment money to obtain more drugs. I am so upset, scared and angry. I have been crying for hours. I kicked him out and I have no ides what I am doing. We have a five year old daughter to care for. I'm trying so hard to hold it together for her but it is so hard. I really just need to vent. There is no one else I can talk to about this.

luvpiggy · Post by **luvpiggy** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:38 am

Gosh! That is so terribly stressful! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I don't have any major advice, but I did want to let you know that last night on ABC World News there was a story on family members helping other members who are addicts. The first rule is to cut off the money. I wonder if you could go to the ABC World News website to see the list. What I am trying to say is that "yes", you did the right thing. Your husband basically stole from your daughter by taking the money that would be used to provide her with shelter. You had every right to kick him out,and I think most experts will agree with your actions.

You really need a lot of support right now. You say you have no one else to talk to, but I encourage you to get with a good counselor and support groups to deal with this. There could even be something free somewhere at a local church or community mental health center. I know you will second guess yourself and will feel vulnerable if your husband begs you to let him come back and promises change, etc., but just remind yourself that that wouldn't help him. He needs to hit rock bottom, and he needs to face serious consequences as soon as possible in order for him to even have a chance to see that he needs help. If you don't stick to your guns and believe his lies, it's just going to prolong the ordeal, and you will have to go through this again when he steals more money or he could even end up dead from his addiction. I hope it is not oxycontin:(. He may hate you right now, but your actions were the most loving actions you could show him in this situation. You did the right thing, but you are going to need a lot of support because this really is very hard, painful, etc.

Take care,
luvpiggy

newrunner · Post by **newrunner** » Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:18 pm

Melissa51-

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. I'll pray for you and your daughter to be safe and have peace.

darlene57 · Post by **darlene57** » Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:18 pm

I believe you did the right thing. Stay committed to your decision and don't be afraid to ask for help. Seek out others in your neighborhood such as churches and non-profit organizations that could help you and your daughter. Stay strong and my prayers are with you.

melissa51 · Post by **melissa51** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 12:14 am

Thanks for the responses everyone!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 2:05 am

Hi Melissa, This is soooo sad, and I am soooo sorry!!! I can only imagine how angry and hurt you are, right now!!!

I think your hubby needs help!!! But, first of all, he must admit he has a problem and wants help!!!

If he will do this, and get into a "Spiritual" church somewhere, then you two have a chance, if you still want it to work with him!!!

My deepest heart felt sympathy goes out to you, during this difficult time in your life!!!

May God Richly Bless You Is My Prayer for You!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 2:11 am

BTW: I do know someone very well, who was on pain-killers big time, and they got off of them by doing the things, I mentioned above, and now, they hate them!!!

I just pray that everything goes well for you and your daughter!!!

There is hope, but he must want help for himself, or he will just come back and do the same things all over again!!!

Stay strong!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 2:36 am

Hi Again Melissa,
I just watched a beautiful video posted by Gman on another thread by Joyce Myers!!! A video of "salvation" and deliverance from alcoholic beverages!!!

All things are possible with God, so I would like to share this video with you!!!

Here is the video... Joyce Myers!!!

I didn't hear you say anything about alcohol, but God can deliver anyone from any addiction by HIS grace and mercy, if they want deliverance!!!

I pray this helped you!!! God Bless You Melissa!!!

Shifrah · Post by **Shifrah** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:56 am

I think you did the right thing.

There is a group called Alonon (I think it's spelled that way) for loved-ones of addicts that you may want to look into.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ this is a link I found for you. But it's for loved-ones of alcoholics. They may be able to help you find another type of group though.

melissa51 · Post by **melissa51** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:38 pm

Thanks so much everyone for your words of encouragement
I love my husband dearly and I want to help him without being an enabler. He has been off of pills for 3 days by slowly weaning off of them. He is still going through horrible withdrawls and it is hard for me to watch.

We are a church going family and I would be so lost without my faith.

I have also checked into the alanon meetings but I have not attended one yet. My husband attended his first NA meeting so he is taking steps in the right direction.

Thank you for all of your prayers

Mrs T Bones, I watch Joyce Myers too. She's tuff but effective. Thank you for the link.