I'm afraid to even start!

lmosolin · Post by **lmosolin** » Sun Oct 18, 2009 1:35 pm

Mark 167,

I do know what you are talking about regarding hesitation in starting this program. I first ordered the program with the tapes 9 years ago and never did anything with them. Now I have reordered and still have trouble making it through. I am alittle behind this second go-around, but I am determined to cut myself some slack and pat myself on the back for opening the box and listening to the CD's. Alot of my condition is about having enough time for everything in my day, I feel overwhelmed most days, and I don't even have children. I want so much to get well, that I finally realized I must make starting and completing this program a priority in my life. Most of my life, I have always been anxious and alittle depressed but have managed to hide it (or so I thought). Now my physical symptoms have progressed and I don't want to live like this anymore. Just wanted you to know I know how you feel, I don't have all the answers, just take it one day at a time.

newrunner · Post by **newrunner** » Sun Oct 18, 2009 2:21 pm

I have read these posts and just want to hug all of you.

You guys can do THIS!! There is no fail here. You work at your own pace, discover things about yourself, grow inside your heart and let yourself out of this misery.

I'm cheering for all of you. You can do it RahRahRah!!!

mark167 · Post by **mark167** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:51 am

Thank you for your replies and encouragement. I guess I really need that emotional or spiritual push to keep me from falling further. I guess that is also why I keep coming back to this forum for something to hang on to. It is very daunting to think of all the time, work and effort that will be required to help me get better, but it is so scary to think of the alternative. I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep living either. I haven't really been living for a while now anyhow.
I have been trying to answer if I really do want to get better and I think I do, but don't know if I am really willing to take the necessary steps to get there. I'm just so used to this 'way of life' that I don't know any better. You can get very comfortable living in sh.. if that is all you know or do. Do you know that saying (from either Gandhi or the Dalai Lama) that the journey of a thousand miles beginds with one step. I usually look at it as an almost unsurmountable first step to take, and that the journey is just going to take way too long so why bother.
Sounds very defeatist, but that's often my way of looking at things. I wish I could be more, or even a little, optimistic, but that is part of the disease. Resignation to the fact has been very cruel and debilitating and finding the strength or courage to change continues to be difficult. I just feel somewhere between overwhelmed and defeated. All I do know for know is that I will keep checking in, but when Sunday comes,???.

Susan Gilbert · Post by **Susan Gilbert** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 9:49 am

mark167,

Try not to look at the whole picture. You are right. One step at a time. You have decided that you want to get better! You have made the first step. Congratulations!!! Now you want to keep reminding yourself that you want to get better. The idea is to get rid of the negative thoughts no matter how difficult or debilitating things have been in the past. You want to walk away from your past. Today is a new beginning for you. Compliment yourself for your decision and efforts. Then write down on a piece of paper, I want to GET BETTER. I want to Change My Life. Post it somewhere so you can read it over and over during the day. Keep reading it so you begin to believe it. And if your doubts start entering, quickly repeat, I want to get better and try to see yourself as well and happy. It may sound silly but writing things down has helped many people follow through on their goals and dreams. Try this and see if it helps. You have people here who are praying for you and believe in you. You can do this! Believe in yourself! We will be waiting to hear from you. One step at a time.

mark167 · Post by **mark167** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 4:43 am

After a lot of (mostly negative) reflection, I am still thinking of trying the program and sticking with it. I haven't even opened the box yet, but I did call the StressCenter.com to confirm having received it. I mentioned my worries over the cost and really really needing the program as well as thinking I would not be able to change anything. Talk about needing to attack more anxieties. Anyway, they were very understanding and offered me a big discount, which was a relief, and allowed me 2 more weeks to start and review the program before I had to decide to keep it or not. I'm not sure if that extra 2 weeks is like having been given an extra opportunity to find that motivation to change, or if it is more like a stay of execution. She told me to start on lesson 3 (negative self talk which I am great at) for 1 week, then go to lesson 12 (finding the courage to change) for another week. I don't know what the other lessons are about, but I sure need these.

As I mentioned in an earlier message, I have really struggled with trying to find the courage and motivation to change. I don't know what else it is going to take to get me to start and then to keep going, but at least I am considering it more heavily. Thank you for your input and inspiration. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was actually happy. I don't know if I can imagine how that would feel on an even occasional basis. Finding the strength to do these things is daunting, but considering the alternative(s), I should do what is necessary to get better. Imagine having to try to convince myself that getting better is the right way to go. It seems obvious but unfortunately painfully so. I will try to remember to take it one day at a a time, one step at a time.
I really appreciate your replies and it makes me want to keep coming back and to try. I have isolated myself with this disease for a long time and it helps knowing someone out there cares and can sympathize. I should stop now as I can't type well through the tears. Thank you.

Susan Gilbert · Post by **Susan Gilbert** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 5:18 am

mark167

You should be sooo proud of yourself. You have made some big steps. Calling the center has given you more direction and encouragement. There were more positive words in your last posting. Keep up the good job. Lesson 3 is a great chapter to help you identify negative and positive thoughts and then practice the positive which in turn helps you feel better. You can do this! Have a great day.

mark167 · Post by **mark167** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 7:43 am

It is so bothersome that the first things that come out of my mind, even when I see positivity or praise, are the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). My first thoughts were what do I have to be proud of (as I still haven't done anything) and it doesn't feel like I've taken any steps forward yet. I guess at least I haven't gone backwards. I'm just so sick and tired of always being and thinking like this. I should be grateful and appreciative of what I have and having found this program. Now I just wish I could stop the stagnation and inactivity and take the next big step towards getting better. I'll see about it over the next week.
Thank you for your encouragement.

char-lee · Post by **char-lee** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 1:06 pm

HI ALL,
JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I ALSO COULDNT FIND THE ENERGY TO START.I THINK OUR ANXIETY SO DISTRACTS AND TIRES US WE DO ONLY WHAT WE HAVE TO BECAUSE OUR MINDS ARE EXHAUSTED.BUT FOR ME ONCE I SAT DOWN TO SEE WHAT IT WAS ALL ABOUT I WAS STUNNED.THE MORE I LISTENED AND READ THE BETTER AND STRONGER I FELT.GIVE IT A TRY YOU WONT BE SORRY.CHAR-LEE

pam karges · Post by **pam karges** » Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:31 am

I had trouble starting too. I got panic attacks just gthinking about it. I have started and its a good feeling when you complete a lesson. I can't keep up with the lessons every week, but I know they will help. are there any ideas out there how we can keep ourselves motivated to keep going?

Susan Gilbert · Post by **Susan Gilbert** » Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:15 pm

Go to www.simpletruths.com It is a site that has inspirational movies-free. They are great! I also found that watching Lucinda on her videos were very helpful in keeping me focused on the positive path. It is important to do something EVERYDAY to keep rebuilding my self-confidence and getting rid of the anxiety. It took years to become anxious so it takes time to change one's thinking and believe in oneself again. I personally have Positive Self-talk CD's that I listen to 1 to 3 times a day. When I skip a day, I can tell that self doubt tries to creep into my thinking.

Each step you take, leads you to a better understanding of yourself so you will never go back to where you started. Keep reminding yourself that you are a smart, intelligent person and you deserve to be happy and content with your life. I'm sure that God wants nothing less for you.