I found a place that could help me find out. Next thing I know I have an appointment for a
psychiatric evaluation.
Well, the whole time leading up to it, I was getting nervous. Each day closer to it, I dreaded
going. I could tell I was nervous about it because I started having trouble sleeping, headaches,
stomach cramps, etc.
I break out the relaxation tape and listen to it only it didn't help for very long at a time.
I then began to have pains in my neck like someone was carrying me around by my head.
I remember the early lessons about panic attacks and how to stop them. I go down the whole
list and carry around the index cards. I'm using that self-talk to calm myself down.
Something like this:
Okay, rob, the evaluation is days away and you are nervous like it is today. You have a right
to be nervous. You will make it through.
That anticipatory anxiety was chasing me even in my sleep.
Finally, the day of the evaluation comes and I fall flat on my face. I had trouble responding and sometimes I didn't respond
at all. I did poorly on subjects I usually excel in. I was doing things with my hands and at one point sat on them.
I made it through the evaluation but not before having a full blown anxiety attack.
Everything I have learned was put to the test. In one way it was a success because I went to the evaluation and stayed.
In another way I learned I still have a lot to work on. It is clear I did not have enough control of my anxiety to handle this
evaluation.
I left feeling like a dufus because of my problems with responding and the times I froze not responding at all.
I will get a chance to redeem myself when the results are in. I will have to find out what is wrong with me.
Now I really have something to look forward to.
