I thought I would tell my story because I know when I was at my lowest I loved to read the stories in this section because when your in the black hole it feels like you can never claw yourself out but believe me you can.
I think my troubles with anxiety started about 10 years ago now, I can't remember exactly what it was that triggered it off at that time, probably the combination of a break up and getting involved in cannabis and heavy drinking but I was sitting at home one night having a coffee and I had my first panic attack.
I had this intense fear rip through my body, my heart was racing, I was sweating and probably the worst part was the disassociation, I felt like I was in a dream like nothing around me was real, I ran downstairs to my mother and my exactt words were, "I need to go to hospital now, I think my mind is going" I was in a total state I couldn't sit still, I was pacing about like a mad man, My mother wasn't very sympathetic, she knew I had started smoking cannabis and said to me "Well its your own fault, what were you smoking tonight?" Rather than get annoyed at her I just left the room and went back to my bedroom, eventually the panic attack ended but the disassociation didn't.
I put up with at least 6 months of terror, Night and day my mind was stuck in this dream like state, and I lived in constant terror of having another panic attack and I did, I had loads off them, I remember going to A&E wards with my heart racing and them being unable to figure out what was wrong, all my tests came back clear, I went to my doctor who put me on anti depressants but I was to scared to take them, I had already resarched my condition heavily and I knew the side effects which included suicide, I was already having scary thoughts like opening the car door when it was going down the motorway, like jumping out of the car and off the bridge, I couldn't go into tall buildings incase I jumped off, I couldn't sleep in my bedroom incase I jumped out the window, So I was tortured with panic attacks daily at one stage, I was floating around in a dream like state 24/7 and I was having scary thoughts and I had no help. I confided in a friend and he happened to mention to his mother who was a nurse, she thought I might be schizophrenic which made me even more scared.
Eventually I withdrew from society all together, I quit me job, I stopped going out I just sat at home all day, It then got to the point where I was scared to go outside, I had developed agoraphobia, I sat on the internet all day everyday trying to find a cure, I tried many self help books wrote by people who hadn't been through this condition but telling me what should work but none of it did, I then came across this programme about 5 years ago now.
It was hard going through it, I found the relaxation CD extremely hard as I could't relax, I couldn't sit through it but it was so comforting going through the program because for the first time someone was relating to what I was going through,
That was 5 years ago, Now I'm working again, I have a partner, I have 2 kids another on the way, I can do whatever I want, I can go where ever I want, I've just came back from London on my first plane trip and had limited anxiety, hard to believe that not so long ago I couldn't leave the house, yet there I was on a plane then stood at a concert with a few thousand people.
I'm not perfect, I still have a few limitations most notably assertiveness but now I am not afraid to try anymore. I still keep referring back to the program because it contains so much information and I suspect this may be a life long thing but my life has changed 100% over the space of them 10 years, I went through the tunnel and came out the other side.
Anyway I hope this has been of some use to you and I think the most important thing to remember is "this to shall pass"
My story
-
pearpickinporky
- Posts: 102
- Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 9:30 am
Last edited by pearpickinporky on Sun Jun 27, 2010 4:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
Guest
-
Guest