Just wanted to share

karenLeigh · Post by **karenLeigh** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:32 am

You know how Lucinda talks about how we have a hard time saying no and we feel like we have to explain ourselves.
I was on the phone this morning ordering something. The man was trying to sell me something more than what I ordered. I kept explaining why I didn't want it. He kept going on and on. I was getting mad. Then like a "light bulb moment". I remembered what Lucinda said about no being a complete sentence. After he got thru rambling...trying to convince me. All I said was "No Thank You". He said "okay, thank you mam have a nice day". I could'nt believe it! That was it! that was all I had to say. That was a good lesson learned for the next time I'm in a situation like that. I will not waste my energy and get mad. I will just say no.
That may have not been a big triumph but for me that was Huge!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:51 am

Feel the power!!! LOL

Good for you. Have a great day.
Don

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:54 am

Karen - Be proud of any little thing you accomplish today that you could not do before. None are really that small after all, because they combined to make us the way we are today. I am glad you had your moment. Many more to come. Good luck in all you do.

Bakedpears · Post by **Bakedpears** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:50 am

Until I learned that it was ok to just say "no thank you" I would (I think) torture people with having to listen to my explanations and justifications. I remember a check out cashier at Rite Aid saying to me "I don't need a half hour explanation- yes or no?" when she asked me if I wanted to give money to a charity. lol I now do a simple "No thank you" and leave it at that.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 12:54 pm

Karen,
I had a similar experience today. Not with saying no...but with realizing that I'm not required to provide an explanation/excuse. Today at work someone from our Regional Office came in to give us sales tips. After the meeting 'the man' sat at my desk and asked me several questions about why I'm not doing what I should be...ie, making appointments for my boss, pivoting other products, etc - basically being that sales person offering you what you DIDN'T ask for

He just couldn't understand if I get bonused for it, why I wasn't doing it. (hmm, I can think of a million good reason - anxiety namely...but no good reasons to give to 'the man'). Anyway, so I started trying to give all these work appropriate explanations, which of course he wasn't accepting. Soon a lump had formed in my throat and I was on the verge of tears. I started doing the breathing technique as inconspiculously as possible figuring it was better to be breathing funny than to be crying. Then I really started listening to what he was saying instead of thinking of my next defense. What I realized is that he wants to help me reach my potential, and had some really good ideas. Once I started to accept that he wasn't criticizing me (or at least he didn't mean to), I was able to relax. And as hard as it was today, I was MUCH better with my sales approach than I have been in a long, long time. I feel that if I can keep this up, I WILL soon be earning extra bonus. Lucinda was right, stay in the present moment...and really hear people instead of just reacting defensively...it makes a big difference.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 1:36 pm

Good example and advice to heed.

Originally posted by goodwillchic:
Karen,
I had a similar experience today. Not with saying no...but with realizing that I'm not required to provide an explanation/excuse. Today at work someone from our Regional Office came in to give us sales tips. After the meeting 'the man' sat at my desk and asked me several questions about why I'm not doing what I should be...ie, making appointments for my boss, pivoting other products, etc - basically being that sales person offering you what you DIDN'T ask for He just couldn't understand if I get bonused for it, why I wasn't doing it. (hmm, I can think of a million good reason - anxiety namely...but no good reasons to give to 'the man'). Anyway, so I started trying to give all these work appropriate explanations, which of course he wasn't accepting. Soon a lump had formed in my throat and I was on the verge of tears. I started doing the breathing technique as inconspiculously as possible figuring it was better to be breathing funny than to be crying. Then I really started listening to what he was saying instead of thinking of my next defense. What I realized is that he wants to help me reach my potential, and had some really good ideas. Once I started to accept that he wasn't criticizing me (or at least he didn't mean to), I was able to relax. And as hard as it was today, I was MUCH better with my sales approach than I have been in a long, long time. I feel that if I can keep this up, I WILL soon be earning extra bonus. Lucinda was right, stay in the present moment...and really hear people instead of just reacting defensively...it makes a big difference.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:02 am

You know it's funny how we are all so different but then again we are the same. You know Mary, in that situation you think. How rude but how bold. It wasn't right for her to be rude to you. But it's like how can she feel that confident to say that. I know sometimes when I go thru a drive thru for food and the person may be rude. I think, maybe they have something going on in there life that's not good....just like us. Also we are striving for that confidence. Where we can speak to someone and not feel bad or worry about what they think. It's all about learning and growing as a person. I think that is why older people are wiser. I don't mean like 80...you know like 40 or 50. They have had lots of life experiances.
Also what goodwillchic said was good. We need to really tune in and listen to the other person. Instead of getting so caught up in ourselves(in our mind). We always worry about us(or at least I do). Why do we do that????

Thanks for all the positive feedback it really helps me to grow.

Zoogirl · Post by **Zoogirl** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 7:25 am

I just wanted to share a little moment I had. While making early dinner I was thinking back to last year when I was so anxious and depressed. Thinking about the scarey obess thoughts I had been having. Initially my reason was to give myself credit for how far I had come.

Something happened and before I even realized it I began to have the panicky feelings. I didn't notice my breathing becoming faster, I didn't notice my heart beginning to pound. I did notice it when my mind starting screaming I need to run.

I was like Oh my gosh I need to run, I need to get out of here. Then before I realized it again, I started to automatically slow my breathing down and tell myself its ok, its just a panic attack. I was so surprised and impressed with myself and my skills.

What I realized was in an instant I had scared myself and within a few moments had calmed myself down. Yes I like everyone else hate the body symptoms but I am so proud of myself for not running away. I faced the anxiety attack and I made it through actually feeling stronger.

Just thought I'd share. Thanks for listening. take care and God bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:16 am

Karen,

Congratulations for the way you handled the phone solicitor. I used to get mad at the solicitors when they call, but now I realize that it's their job. So now, I just give a polite "no, thank you" and hang up.

bna

It looks like the program didn't go to waste ! LOL I'm on week 9 now and I've been able to mellow out during most of the attacks I have. I find that the attacks are getting fewer and fewer now. Congratulations on stopping yours.