Hi everyone,
I told myself that one day I would love to post my triumph in overcoming anxiety and depression and a year later...here I am.
I am 39 years old, I own two houses, have a wonderful fiancee and have worked for the same company for 22 years. Last year at this time I had 'meltdown' (that is what I called it). I ended up staying with my parents for two weeks, hardly eating, not working and in complete fear of life. In fact, I no longer wanted to live. I wasn't going to physically kill myself but I just wanted to disappear.
When I moved back home it took all that I had in me to just go to the store. I thought I was going to pass out. Even making the bed was a grand feat. I would just do nothing but worry, worry and did I mention worry!!! What if I lose my job, what if my fiancee leaves me, what if I always am going to feel this way....
I saw doctor after doctor and wanted them to 'fix' me and fix me today. I remember asking my therapist exactly how long until I am all better. I kept doubting myself but decided that after being out of work for three months that I should go back part-time I went back but was still so negative that after about a month of being there I went back out again.
The therapist put me out for another two months. I panicked at the thought of medication but this time I tried 50mg of Seroquel throughout the day. It helped me chill and put things in perspective. I hated being out of work again since I used to only call in sick maybe once a year but this time would be different. I took charge by buying Lucinda's cd's, reading more books, taking a 'renewing the mind' class at my church and CHANGING MY THINKING!!!!!! I really wanted to be successful when I go back to work this time. By successful I don't mean being the best employee the company has ever seen like I used to be but just to be at work and have a sense of peace. To accomplish this I decided to do some volunteer work to start getting on a schedule. Wow, to help those in need that are usually 99% worse off than I am ...what a concept.
The negative thoughts that used to bombard me were now less and less. I used to visualize one of those airplanes with banners behind them. I would through whatever bad thought I had on a banner and have it fly in one ear and OUT the other. Do I still have yucky thoughts? Yes, sometimes, but I don't let them stay and analyze them to death. Am I happy all the time? No human is...its unnatural. But now instead of being in my head all day I am participating in life. My motto is LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE.
I have been back to work since November...I started full-time again in February. I found that peace at work even though there might be chaos around me. I appreciate work and my work 'family'. I have balance back. I work, volunteer, travel and just enjoy the littlest things life has to offer.
It was very 'dark' at times for me last year. You might be experiencing that now but please use whatever little strenght you have to change that powerful mind. It is a slow process but once we reprogram our mind to the channel we want you will see that life is great again. Take care and god bless all of you.
a year later
Congratulations Icandoit. I am so happy to hear you are doing so well. I needed to read this cuz as you know it's not always easy to feel like this is going to work. I can see alot of myself in your past self as you described it. So that tells me that I can be posting a year later with my own success story. Thank you and God Bless.
ATTITUDE -- The mind is like a parachute...it doesn't work unless it's open!!
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Therapy4me
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