sweetie - you WILL get there - you will. it's not easy but it's so worth it. this i know. please don't ever think you can't or won't.
i'm still not where i'd like to be - but i'll get there - eventually. every time i leave my house alone and drive to the grocery or work - i am so happy in that freedom. i try not to forget or take for granted that once i couldn't even go 2 blocks to the convenience store without have a friend on my cell phone for support - or how many times i bolted from the place! and i've not forgotten what it was like to be unable to simply leave the house at times - even with the best of support from friends and family.
so take it easy on yourself. push yourself a bit - but don't get mad if and when you have days that aren't as good as you'd like them to be. you will go further than you ever imagined.
karma
life is good - and it's a long post!
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forever young 06
- Posts: 284
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm
karma you are so sweet.thanks for the encouragment I know that I have came a long way I remember when I could not drive any distance by myself and at one time couldn't go to town even with some one driving me and working wow all the what ifs nothing is impossible so I to keep telling myself this will pass but never give up keep working on my dream of a life free from phobias there will never be a life free from anxiety maybe a time when it doesn't rule but there will be anxious moments just not blowing it out of propotions I just need to not give up that is what worries my I have done that before but keep trying hope you are having a good week
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karmaberry1
- Posts: 350
- Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:00 am
it's the week before school starts and honey - busy doesn't even begin to describe it!!!!! it's like being on the floor of the new york stock exchange - really. it is that loud and yes there is that much confusion!!!!! LOL
yes i'm having a good week. right now i'm very lucky because it's a choice. i can either be happy or miserable. i opt for happiness. i know i'm very good at my job. it would appear others do not share my high opinion of myself. again, it's a choice to know i do a great job. i could believe some others - but why? i'm not saying they're wrong. i'm just saying i'm right. LOLOL at my pride and vanity
i finally get it. it took me a long time - years - to develop self esteem. now that i have it - it's mine. my goal is not to allow others to take that away again or to give it away. i am who i am. and gf, that is MORE than enough LOL
i've got to get in bed. tomorrow should be even more bizarre than today!!!!!
karma
yes i'm having a good week. right now i'm very lucky because it's a choice. i can either be happy or miserable. i opt for happiness. i know i'm very good at my job. it would appear others do not share my high opinion of myself. again, it's a choice to know i do a great job. i could believe some others - but why? i'm not saying they're wrong. i'm just saying i'm right. LOLOL at my pride and vanity
i finally get it. it took me a long time - years - to develop self esteem. now that i have it - it's mine. my goal is not to allow others to take that away again or to give it away. i am who i am. and gf, that is MORE than enough LOL
i've got to get in bed. tomorrow should be even more bizarre than today!!!!!
karma
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manofmusic
- Posts: 711
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:07 am
- Location: Canada
I've learned with work, it's a conscious choice. Either you go in angry, fearful, nauseous, trembling, or you go in with a smile on your face and treat the day as a challenge not as something to fear. It's taken a long time to realize that and there are still days where I tremble (usually for no reason). This week was a really good week. It seemed that any challenge I had, I stepped up to it and hit it out of the park. This week, I rocked....although there's still 4 hours tomorrow...............
I am looking forward to one more week off in a few weeks. Time to do some highway driving.
By the sounds of things, we've all made some big changes !
Karma - hope all goes good for you back at work !
I am looking forward to one more week off in a few weeks. Time to do some highway driving.
By the sounds of things, we've all made some big changes !
Karma - hope all goes good for you back at work !
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karmaberry1
- Posts: 350
- Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:00 am
like i said in my last post - it is what it is re work. i give it my all. and i'm good enough. beyond good enough. no doubt in my mind. i've forgotten how to care what other people think of me. that's not ego speaking. that's self-esteem and regard for myself. it was time to start taking that back.
i just had someone i've been dating say something so horrible to me. he knows about my panic attacks - we dated 5 years ago when i was not in a very good place. that was when i still couldn't make it to the store alone and had my good friends drive me to and from work. my panic attacks were used against me as a weapon then - and again tonight.
tonight's scenario was this. we were supposed to have a date. he was working late. my brother called wanting to bring his little girls - ages 4 and 6 - over to go swimming. of course i said yes. i love my family and would and will do anything for them. it's a given my date didn't work as late as he'd thought and was wanting me to be ready. i wasn't and couldn't be - not with family here. i asked him to come on over - but he doesn't care for my family and to give date person their due - we are a hard family to be around. and maybe they don't care for him. i quit asking those questions of my family a long time ago. i'm a grown up who makes my own decisions.
after everyone was gone, i called my friend. i was told off in no uncertain terms - anyone in a relationship has probably heard those exact words before. i just kept saying "fine" and "i'm so tired." as it continued i said "i get this at work - i so don't need it from you too."
then THE words were said - a line was crossed that can never be uncrossed. he said - "you know where i am if you want to see me." he lives in the next county and knows i can't drive myself there.
it was beyond cruel. i screamed/snarled "f-u" into the phone and hung up. i sent an email with just a few words in the subject line. he is to never contact me again - to stay far away from me. he is dead to me.
i'm not hurt by those words. what came to me was utter peace. i finally realized how much i love myself. i love myself too much to ever allow another to take me down. i've done that enough in my life. and yes it is my life.
i'll move on past this bump in the road. it's a lesson learned yet again - people don't change unless the realize there is a problem within themselves and want to fix that problem. i learned that lesson some time ago with myself. i wish him the same peace i've found.
so there's my week in a nutshell. attempted take down of self esteem at work - and tonight at home - right as the weekend begins!
honey - life just doesn't get much better than this! LOLOL x forever
karma
i just had someone i've been dating say something so horrible to me. he knows about my panic attacks - we dated 5 years ago when i was not in a very good place. that was when i still couldn't make it to the store alone and had my good friends drive me to and from work. my panic attacks were used against me as a weapon then - and again tonight.
tonight's scenario was this. we were supposed to have a date. he was working late. my brother called wanting to bring his little girls - ages 4 and 6 - over to go swimming. of course i said yes. i love my family and would and will do anything for them. it's a given my date didn't work as late as he'd thought and was wanting me to be ready. i wasn't and couldn't be - not with family here. i asked him to come on over - but he doesn't care for my family and to give date person their due - we are a hard family to be around. and maybe they don't care for him. i quit asking those questions of my family a long time ago. i'm a grown up who makes my own decisions.
after everyone was gone, i called my friend. i was told off in no uncertain terms - anyone in a relationship has probably heard those exact words before. i just kept saying "fine" and "i'm so tired." as it continued i said "i get this at work - i so don't need it from you too."
then THE words were said - a line was crossed that can never be uncrossed. he said - "you know where i am if you want to see me." he lives in the next county and knows i can't drive myself there.
it was beyond cruel. i screamed/snarled "f-u" into the phone and hung up. i sent an email with just a few words in the subject line. he is to never contact me again - to stay far away from me. he is dead to me.
i'm not hurt by those words. what came to me was utter peace. i finally realized how much i love myself. i love myself too much to ever allow another to take me down. i've done that enough in my life. and yes it is my life.
i'll move on past this bump in the road. it's a lesson learned yet again - people don't change unless the realize there is a problem within themselves and want to fix that problem. i learned that lesson some time ago with myself. i wish him the same peace i've found.
so there's my week in a nutshell. attempted take down of self esteem at work - and tonight at home - right as the weekend begins!
honey - life just doesn't get much better than this! LOLOL x forever
karma
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manofmusic
- Posts: 711
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:07 am
- Location: Canada
Wow.......ummmm, he sounds like a bit of a jerk ! Has he ever tried the program ? LOL Maybe you could do better than him.
You have family around you and that's what matters. If he wants to treat you like that, then that's his loss, not yours. The thing with people like us is that we let stuff build up for so long inside that by the time we let it out, it comes out like a hurricane. You should go out tonight and do something fun. It's Saturday !
Work went good today. It was only 4 hours long ! LOL There were a few things I had to tackle today but when I did, I batted them out of the park. I left work with a smile.
Hope today goes smooooooooooooth and is panic free.
You have family around you and that's what matters. If he wants to treat you like that, then that's his loss, not yours. The thing with people like us is that we let stuff build up for so long inside that by the time we let it out, it comes out like a hurricane. You should go out tonight and do something fun. It's Saturday !
Work went good today. It was only 4 hours long ! LOL There were a few things I had to tackle today but when I did, I batted them out of the park. I left work with a smile.
Hope today goes smooooooooooooth and is panic free.
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karmaberry1
- Posts: 350
- Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:00 am
i'm at a point in my life where i allow nothing to build up anymore. i truly don't believe i'm combative or defensive. at the same time if i feel the need to speak up - honey you bet your boots i do! i will not remain a mute anymore. i call it self-esteem - and just plain tired. if someone feels they must say something to me - then by all means, they need to say it. and to my face. once they say it, i will respond. in that i am their worst nightmare because again - i am tired. i don't push first - but when pushed - yes i now push back with the exact same force.
all that being said - apologies were made this morning. he couldn't have been more sad for what he said. he knew a line had been crossed and i'm not the same person i once was. i read something a while back that really hit home - "forgive everyone everything." then along came another right on the heels of those words - "forgive instantly." those are two things i've been so trying to do. the reason is i feel so much better when i forgive and move forward. that heaviness i feel when holding a grudge or bad feelngs towards another is exhausting for me. maybe that's just me - i don't know. are there people i won't/can't/don't forgive for deliberate unkindnesses and cruelities just because they could treat me that way? oh yes. but i put them out of my mind and far away. they're not worth either.
i'll never be perfect - perfection is not my goal - never was - never will be. what i want is to go through my life being kind and caring. i want to make people smile and laugh - never feel unsure or unsafe around me - for my family and friends to know how deeply i care about them and their feelings. do i stumble around a lot? yep. but i apologize and ask forgiveness - then try with every fiber of my being to not let it happen again.
i've rambled a lot here i know. i'm happy with the way things were resolved this morning. the best thing about last night for me was realizing that i have finally gotten to the place where i know my value - both in my personal and work life. i'm worth it. wow - i'm a loreal commercial LOL
karma
all that being said - apologies were made this morning. he couldn't have been more sad for what he said. he knew a line had been crossed and i'm not the same person i once was. i read something a while back that really hit home - "forgive everyone everything." then along came another right on the heels of those words - "forgive instantly." those are two things i've been so trying to do. the reason is i feel so much better when i forgive and move forward. that heaviness i feel when holding a grudge or bad feelngs towards another is exhausting for me. maybe that's just me - i don't know. are there people i won't/can't/don't forgive for deliberate unkindnesses and cruelities just because they could treat me that way? oh yes. but i put them out of my mind and far away. they're not worth either.
i'll never be perfect - perfection is not my goal - never was - never will be. what i want is to go through my life being kind and caring. i want to make people smile and laugh - never feel unsure or unsafe around me - for my family and friends to know how deeply i care about them and their feelings. do i stumble around a lot? yep. but i apologize and ask forgiveness - then try with every fiber of my being to not let it happen again.
i've rambled a lot here i know. i'm happy with the way things were resolved this morning. the best thing about last night for me was realizing that i have finally gotten to the place where i know my value - both in my personal and work life. i'm worth it. wow - i'm a loreal commercial LOL
karma
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manofmusic
- Posts: 711
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:07 am
- Location: Canada
It does sound like he knows a line was crossed..............
Forgive everyone everything......sounds like good advice. I guess it's along the lines of "do unto others........".
Today is a lazy day. Last week I went out and bought a flat screen TV. It has a port in the back to plug in a computer. I got a wireless keyboard and mouse. Now I can kick back and type away while reclined ! LOL I'm getting lazier and lazier as the years roll on LOL. I should get a recliner with an attached fridge and toilet LOL I'd NEVER have to get off my butt again !!!!!!!!! (except to buy more food and toilet paper.)
Part of me wants to get up and go for the riverwalk and the other part of me wants to go into a coma. I'm stuck as to what to do. It's my day off so I think I'll slip into a coma for a while.
Hope all is nice and relaxing for you today !
Forgive everyone everything......sounds like good advice. I guess it's along the lines of "do unto others........".
Today is a lazy day. Last week I went out and bought a flat screen TV. It has a port in the back to plug in a computer. I got a wireless keyboard and mouse. Now I can kick back and type away while reclined ! LOL I'm getting lazier and lazier as the years roll on LOL. I should get a recliner with an attached fridge and toilet LOL I'd NEVER have to get off my butt again !!!!!!!!! (except to buy more food and toilet paper.)
Part of me wants to get up and go for the riverwalk and the other part of me wants to go into a coma. I'm stuck as to what to do. It's my day off so I think I'll slip into a coma for a while.
Hope all is nice and relaxing for you today !
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karmaberry1
- Posts: 350
- Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:00 am
because i don't have walking around sense, i didn't remember to pick up my metformin last night - instead i went swimming then gave the boys a bath. took the last one at lunch yesterday. that's for the pre-diabetic thing i've got going on. now throw in i've been in the pool A LOT lately.
i came back from lunch - bent over super quick - and was i dizzy? oh kids LOL i left work at 3:00 - went to the store - where the medication wasn't ready - and just hung out.
here's the best part of all this. at one point in time, i'd have had so much anxiety. told myself all kinds of awful things - i'd have panicked to the moon and back. today - none of that happened.
i was more than able to drive home - go to the store - all without having anxiety or panic. i am so proud of myself!
karma
i came back from lunch - bent over super quick - and was i dizzy? oh kids LOL i left work at 3:00 - went to the store - where the medication wasn't ready - and just hung out.
here's the best part of all this. at one point in time, i'd have had so much anxiety. told myself all kinds of awful things - i'd have panicked to the moon and back. today - none of that happened.
i was more than able to drive home - go to the store - all without having anxiety or panic. i am so proud of myself!
karma
