DENICE'S PROGRAM FOR CAUSING ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:12 pm

this stuff is great,keep it coming,we all need a laugh,dosn't it feel good to laugh with someone you have something in comin with.larry g

BookOfPsalms · Post by **BookOfPsalms** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 8:17 am

Ninja,
Tiger Woods has been asking about you! SMILE

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 14, 2007 3:51 am

Mike!!! Arn't you concerned about possible divits???

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:47 am

I'll throw this in the mix:

Turn your engine off in the middle of a busy intersection. And don't forget your relaxation cd!

Just freak out as you answer the doorbell or phone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 6:45 pm

here is a lovely breakfast diet....its low in calories (mostly because you can't keep it down) and taste. Keep and easy...and its done in only 5 MINUTES.

Onion and Bunion soup, a piece of toast with a thin layer of toe jam spread and a thirst quenching glass of sumo sweat.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 8:31 am

I expected these to be funnier. No, I'm kidding these are great!

I think I have a few. I wasn't able to read all of the postings here so I don't know if these will be similar to any already posted (I'll obssess about that later.)

- Every time you're in heavy traffic use your relation CD. Then complain later in the forums that it isn't working.

- Ask a potential employer if he/she wouldn't mind playing the relaxation tape during the interview. Better yet, ask if he or she will do it with you. You're sure to get the job.

- Next time you have to go to view a body at a funeral home say positive affirmations to yourself...OUT LOUD and preferably in front of the casket. This will help you get through it and no one will know.

Let me know if you think these are funny and I'll try to think of some more.

Please answer this quick poll: A) No, these aren't funny. Stop waisting our time. B) They're ok, but don't quit your day job. C) These are funny but we still don't like you.

Please don't say anything too positive, it might make me feel better about myself.

Thanks.
Sunflower32

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:55 pm

While focusing on being independant... never go to the hair dresser...cut your own hair, because you are a perfectionist and only you can do it the way you want to.

Wait a minute, that is true. I haven't been to a hardresser for 15 years because I get the layers just right and the color perfect. How sad am I?

Hey Anxious in Akron, you sound like my kind of man!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 9:05 am

When going to a Clothing store stand by one of the workers and ask a question and then ask yourself to repeat the question because you didn't hear it the first time.

When your walking down the street and you pass people ask them if your walking the right way. OMG!!!! This is hilarious!!! Whenever you have obsessive scary thoughts express them no matter where you are or whoever is around you and make sure you don't use I feel infront of the scary thought.
get a piece of paper and a pen, strip down to your birthday suit and stand in front of a full length mirror, please make a list of everything that you percieve as "wrong" with you and post it on your fridge as a constant reminder of your imperfections... very theraputic...lol...GIVE EVERYONE A DETAILED LIST OF WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM THEM AND IF THEY DON'T COME THROUGH REFUSE TO TALK TO THEM INDEFINITELY

my favorites from page 1

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:20 am

this is the funniest stuff i have ever read.....i didn't have time to read all of them but o my goodness the ones i did read made me laugh soooooo hard!!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 8:07 am

Everytime you go into Wal-Mart, remember the time you saw a woman pass out at Christmas time (never mind that she was pregnant and overheated) and keep a close check on your bodily symptoms, because you are SURE to be next. Monitor your breathing, heart rate, stop by the pharmacy and check your b/p just to make sure.