I had suffered from anxious thoughts of hurting others, i don't want to describe my own thoughts, which are only thoughts not urges.But I would like to share how I handle them.
I think if you are a caring and sensitive to others and stressed and anxious, it is easy for our imagination to scare us.
I will explain why I think we have the thoughts and how I have stopped them.
Although the thoughts are horrible they point to what we care about most dearly, that is being a caring person and not hurting others. That is the very reason they are scary.
Scary thought’s are part of day to day thinking.
They help us avoid danger. If I don't want to spill a cup of coffee on my carpet, I have to picture spilling it in my imagination,and I am also probably involved in the image carrying the cup.
Normally these negative images go unnoticed, I would just be carefull with the cup and get on with the task.
If I am doing a task which involves a person, as I am sensative to their presence it is easy to imagine the dangers and I might even imagine I am part of the danger, suddenly I notice the negative thought and it scares me.
Firstly the fact you had the thought should not worry you, as it shows you what you are trying to avoid.
This is how I removed my scary thoughts. Accept the thought points to potential dangers, then Stop thinking about the negative outcome when doing the task. Instead think hard about the outcome you are trying to achieve or the task in hand. Imagine the desired outcome focus on the here and now and whenever you begin to drift to the negative outcome or your imagination, focus harder on the here and now and the desired out come. In my earlier example , accept the thought and the imagined dangers it points to even if I am involved ie. I am carrying the cup, then don't avoid the situation instead focus on carrying the cup carefully across the carpet concentrate on those positive actions, the here and now means concentrating on the facts, the feel the texture rather then the imaginatiion. The negative thoughts highlight the imagined dangers the positive thoughts focus on doing the task. After a while the positve thoughts become second nature and replace the scary ones.
How I stopped scary thoughts about hurting others
Thanks Emilie
I think it is due to our imagination. If I see a drink is going to be knocked over, my imagination quickly produces a negative thought or image of the drink falling maybe over something else, It helps me make a quick decision, do I grab the cup call out move things?
However if we are in a heightened state of anxiety and not in danger, our imagination can still be busy looking for danger producing negative images or thoughts.
A cycle of negative thoughts can begin, the image or thought heightens our anxiety, and our imagination then gets busier looking for even more danger and produces more thoughts. Since there is no real danger the imagination can latch onto things that scare us we can even become scared of or doubt ourselves.
We can then attach the scary thoughts to the place they happen in, even if there are no dangers there, so we may try to avoid that situation as it reminds us of the thought. We should not avoid the situation we just need to keep our imagination busy and then the positive images get re associated with the situation
The good news is our imagination is easily controlled and therefore the anxiety. Firstly give it positive tasks, this means concentrating on what you are doing , the movements the objects the sounds the textures , if you have a negative thought focus on the real things, or turn scary thoughts into silly images or thoughts, scary thoughts are only thoughts .
Stress, lack of sleep and hangovers can all heighten anxiety, so when the imagination wants to be busy give it positive work to do by focusing on the real world.
I think it is due to our imagination. If I see a drink is going to be knocked over, my imagination quickly produces a negative thought or image of the drink falling maybe over something else, It helps me make a quick decision, do I grab the cup call out move things?
However if we are in a heightened state of anxiety and not in danger, our imagination can still be busy looking for danger producing negative images or thoughts.
A cycle of negative thoughts can begin, the image or thought heightens our anxiety, and our imagination then gets busier looking for even more danger and produces more thoughts. Since there is no real danger the imagination can latch onto things that scare us we can even become scared of or doubt ourselves.
We can then attach the scary thoughts to the place they happen in, even if there are no dangers there, so we may try to avoid that situation as it reminds us of the thought. We should not avoid the situation we just need to keep our imagination busy and then the positive images get re associated with the situation
The good news is our imagination is easily controlled and therefore the anxiety. Firstly give it positive tasks, this means concentrating on what you are doing , the movements the objects the sounds the textures , if you have a negative thought focus on the real things, or turn scary thoughts into silly images or thoughts, scary thoughts are only thoughts .
Stress, lack of sleep and hangovers can all heighten anxiety, so when the imagination wants to be busy give it positive work to do by focusing on the real world.
Last edited by J.. on Thu Nov 06, 2008 10:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
DerikForChrist
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Fri May 09, 2008 12:06 am
Although, I appreciate your insight, I respectfully disagree. Telling yourself to stop thinking about the outcome or to stop any kind of thought, is sending your body the wrong message.
Congratulations, you have just made this thought important enough to try to avoid or try to change. You have placed emphasis on the thought as something outside your normal thought pattern. This alone, opens the door for its return. Now, every time it does return, you stop in the middle of the thought and say "No, don't think about the outcome." How can you not think about the outcome? Of course you're going to. We fall back to the story of "don't think of a pink elephant." Same concept.
It's way too much effort to stop a thought, wouldn't it be easier to just let it be there? Let it be as bad as it wants to be without running away from it in panic? Why would you try to feel the texture on the carpet, or make sure you're carrying a coffee cup upright without spilling it. You're overexerting yourself to avoid a fear feeling from a thought. Are the feelings really that bad that you would watch paint dry to avoid a thought?
I suppose you could also sing "100 bottles of beer on the wall" at night to avoid having scary thoughts. Ok, enough with the sarcasm. So what does one do who is suffering from thoughts such as these?
First of all, understand that they are sensitized, if they weren't they could dismiss the thought readily and go about their business. But because they're sensitized, they're vulnerable to suggestion. They've lost confidence in their own ability to make decisions. This develops from living too much inside yourself and not enough in the outside world. So what do you do to desensitize? You face any thought that comes without running away from it in panic, you accept it as part of normal thought pattern, you don't add to it with "Oh my Goodness, and What if" and you go about your business. Time is in your favor. Once a person fully understands acceptance, time is all that is needed to forget the thoughts.
Congratulations, you have just made this thought important enough to try to avoid or try to change. You have placed emphasis on the thought as something outside your normal thought pattern. This alone, opens the door for its return. Now, every time it does return, you stop in the middle of the thought and say "No, don't think about the outcome." How can you not think about the outcome? Of course you're going to. We fall back to the story of "don't think of a pink elephant." Same concept.
It's way too much effort to stop a thought, wouldn't it be easier to just let it be there? Let it be as bad as it wants to be without running away from it in panic? Why would you try to feel the texture on the carpet, or make sure you're carrying a coffee cup upright without spilling it. You're overexerting yourself to avoid a fear feeling from a thought. Are the feelings really that bad that you would watch paint dry to avoid a thought?
I suppose you could also sing "100 bottles of beer on the wall" at night to avoid having scary thoughts. Ok, enough with the sarcasm. So what does one do who is suffering from thoughts such as these?
First of all, understand that they are sensitized, if they weren't they could dismiss the thought readily and go about their business. But because they're sensitized, they're vulnerable to suggestion. They've lost confidence in their own ability to make decisions. This develops from living too much inside yourself and not enough in the outside world. So what do you do to desensitize? You face any thought that comes without running away from it in panic, you accept it as part of normal thought pattern, you don't add to it with "Oh my Goodness, and What if" and you go about your business. Time is in your favor. Once a person fully understands acceptance, time is all that is needed to forget the thoughts.
Honestly, I think it's what works best for each and every individual. You can agree and disagree with all methods, but if one works for you then go for it. I've personally tried the "bring it on" mentality while facing my fear, and guess what...made me have MORE panic attacks, because I gave it the energy it desired. So what works for someone like me, and maybe others? Just NOT worrying about it. Think of something else. But recognizing it's there is important. What really helps me is saying "OH! There's my anxious brain again!" and moving on with life. Thinking about something else....why dwell on stupid ass thoughts that you use to scare yourself? All in all...whatever works for you is what you should go with.
-
DerikForChrist
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Fri May 09, 2008 12:06 am
It made you have more panic attacks because you didn't face it, you ran away in panic. It was too scary for you. You started adding thoughts like, "What if it makes me go crazy?" "What if I end up doing it?" Until you ended up in such a sensitized state, you felt like you were no longer in control. But, fear isn't under your conscious control.
You're completely missing my point. I'm not saying to "dwell" on it. I'm saying accept it and move on. Stop trying to have so much control over it. Trying to stop thoughts from coming causes more anxiety than accepting them and letting them be there.
You talk about the "bring it on mentality" like you're gearing up for battle. That is NOT what I'm talking about. I'm not saying to fight it away, I'm talking about calm acceptance of your total panic situation.
You're completely missing my point. I'm not saying to "dwell" on it. I'm saying accept it and move on. Stop trying to have so much control over it. Trying to stop thoughts from coming causes more anxiety than accepting them and letting them be there.
You talk about the "bring it on mentality" like you're gearing up for battle. That is NOT what I'm talking about. I'm not saying to fight it away, I'm talking about calm acceptance of your total panic situation.
Derik,
Well it seem like we're on the same page then
. Sorry for the confusion! That is what I personally practice, I accept that it's my anxious brain, and an anxious thought without giving it any power...just recognition and moving on, and that puts a stop to the "Am I going crazy?" "Am I going to hurt someone?" etc...thoughts.
Well it seem like we're on the same page then
. Sorry for the confusion! That is what I personally practice, I accept that it's my anxious brain, and an anxious thought without giving it any power...just recognition and moving on, and that puts a stop to the "Am I going crazy?" "Am I going to hurt someone?" etc...thoughts.All,
It really is a moot point on how we individually handle our anxieties. The fact that we are all here helping each other is what I consider the achievement of this website and Lucinda's program.
I am quite sure that we are all the "creative" thinking type of people. This I believe can be a curse in bad times and a blessing during good times.
How we approach it individually is a bit like how we approach religion. It's silly to say one approach is better then the other all that does is open up the avenue for more destructive creative thinking. I think posting what works for us as individuals is helpful and we can digest what we want and throw away what we don't want.
Keeping it real and not having to feel anxious about what we post for fear of being criticized should be the goal of this forum.
That's my 2 cents !
Zoe
It really is a moot point on how we individually handle our anxieties. The fact that we are all here helping each other is what I consider the achievement of this website and Lucinda's program.
I am quite sure that we are all the "creative" thinking type of people. This I believe can be a curse in bad times and a blessing during good times.
How we approach it individually is a bit like how we approach religion. It's silly to say one approach is better then the other all that does is open up the avenue for more destructive creative thinking. I think posting what works for us as individuals is helpful and we can digest what we want and throw away what we don't want.
Keeping it real and not having to feel anxious about what we post for fear of being criticized should be the goal of this forum.
That's my 2 cents !
Zoe
Originally posted by J..:
Thanks for your postings, I would just like to clarify a few things. I totally agree with accepting the scary thoughts will happen, they come with having an imagination. I also agree with not giving them any importance, as they are only fleeting thoughts, and that others have them and don't have a second thought. I also agree we should not try and run away from them or block them out.
I think my anxious minds job is to highlight possible dangers. If I am in a heightened state of anxiety sometimes it will produce the scariest things I can think of, even if it involves me. For me I have realised if the thought happens it is because I am caring to others people around me and that it is my mind telling me to be careful. If a thought occurs I focus on the things involved in the scary thought and getting on with the desired task in hand not the silly thought. This seems to have worked for me, it has reduced the occurrences and gives me something to think about if one happens. What I do works for me it helps to minimise any impact my thoughts and stops the scary association being linked with the object or scene, and it brings the focus from my imagination and back to the real world. I just thought I would share this with others.
I would like to add.
I think some of us spend more time in our imagination than others for many reasons we might be day dreamers, obsessive artistic and many other reasons.
The key to minimising these worries is more to do with our imagination and our memory.
Scary thoughts worry people especially the first time they happen, because we then link the dislike ( the imagined thought ) with the situation.
The problem is that the thought is remembered and then reinforced every time we are in the same situation, this can cause a spiral of anxiety and more thoughts.
So what we are trying to do is forget about the thought in other words unlink it or de associate it from the situation.
Some people will let it pass, and after a while it is forgotten about.
Others will make the thought comical to change the memory.
I try to bring the focus of my imagination back to the real world and then after a while I forget about the thought when I revisit the situation
I just thought I would share this with others, I am not saying it is the answer for everyone
Thanks for your postings, I would just like to clarify a few things. I totally agree with accepting the scary thoughts will happen, they come with having an imagination. I also agree with not giving them any importance, as they are only fleeting thoughts, and that others have them and don't have a second thought. I also agree we should not try and run away from them or block them out.
I think my anxious minds job is to highlight possible dangers. If I am in a heightened state of anxiety sometimes it will produce the scariest things I can think of, even if it involves me. For me I have realised if the thought happens it is because I am caring to others people around me and that it is my mind telling me to be careful. If a thought occurs I focus on the things involved in the scary thought and getting on with the desired task in hand not the silly thought. This seems to have worked for me, it has reduced the occurrences and gives me something to think about if one happens. What I do works for me it helps to minimise any impact my thoughts and stops the scary association being linked with the object or scene, and it brings the focus from my imagination and back to the real world. I just thought I would share this with others.
I would like to add.
I think some of us spend more time in our imagination than others for many reasons we might be day dreamers, obsessive artistic and many other reasons.
The key to minimising these worries is more to do with our imagination and our memory.
Scary thoughts worry people especially the first time they happen, because we then link the dislike ( the imagined thought ) with the situation.
The problem is that the thought is remembered and then reinforced every time we are in the same situation, this can cause a spiral of anxiety and more thoughts.
So what we are trying to do is forget about the thought in other words unlink it or de associate it from the situation.
Some people will let it pass, and after a while it is forgotten about.
Others will make the thought comical to change the memory.
I try to bring the focus of my imagination back to the real world and then after a while I forget about the thought when I revisit the situation
I just thought I would share this with others, I am not saying it is the answer for everyone