Sexual Anxiety.

[NoDoubt*Lover]

I always feel anxious and upset before I have a sexual encounter with somebody. Maybe I am just not experienced enough in that department, but I must admit, being a 19 year old gay guy, its kind of an embarrasment. I want to have a sex life and I want to be a normal person and not be afraid of having these encounters but I always get obssesive thoughts before it happens, like "What if I do something wrong?", "What if I embarass myself?", "what if they take one look at me and say 'Nevermind?". I just wish I could be like some people and not worry and just have the confidence. But right now, the only way I could have sex is if I have the room pitch black. Please tell me somebody else expereicnes this. I know this is a hard post to respond to and its a little too much information, but still.

[Guest]

well,i haven't had sex for many years. but it had to be in the dark. i always thought it was sposed to be dark btw, you shouldn't be having sex with different partners.kp

[BeatAnxiety07]

Originally posted by NoDoubt*Lover:
I always feel anxious and upset before I have a sexual encounter with somebody. Maybe I am just not experienced enough in that department, but I must admit, being a 19 year old gay guy, its kind of an embarrasment. I want to have a sex life and I want to be a normal person and not be afraid of having these encounters but I always get obssesive thoughts before it happens, like "What if I do something wrong?", "What if I embarass myself?", "what if they take one look at me and say 'Nevermind?". I just wish I could be like some people and not worry and just have the confidence. But right now, the only way I could have sex is if I have the room pitch black. Please tell me somebody else expereicnes this. I know this is a hard post to respond to and its a little too much information, but still.

Hey NoDoubt,

First off don't be scared or embarrased to discuss this. There are other threads that have discussed this before.

This is perfectly normal, regardless of sexual preference.

I've had this anxiety and so have many other guys. I've actually been in predicaments where I wasn't able to "perform" -- sexual dysfunction.

Rather than try to have sex right away you should try and find someone who likes you for you. Don't rush sex. It can be hard to think that way with the way popular culture constantly emphasizes sex and the raging hormones of adolescence.

Basically, stop worrying about just having sex and start looking for someone that you actually like and that likes you. Then take it slow.. Love is love and sex is sex. The love for family and friends is the type of love you should have towards your partner as well as sexual attraction and desire. Eventually we all get old, less sexually attractive and some can't even perform because of physical reasons; what holds people together is the type of love you have for family and friends.

Of course this is just me preaching to the choir, since most people, especially at our ages, just want to have sex and could care less about relationships. So in that case.. Try to work on your obsessions, anxieties and personality issues that are perpetuating your anxiety. Find someone that you are relaxed with and like. Then go further with them.

Don't sweat it things will work out in time - this is extremely common with people between the ages of approx. 16-35.

[NoDoubt*Lover]

Wow, thank you so much for your replies. Its good to know that somebody else feels this way. It just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me and I can never be intimate with anybody. But i guess there nothing to worry about. I will definiltey use your advice.

Love Jared.

[Mommyof2gurls]

awwww.. Ive been with my partner for almost 3 years now, and Im still self conscious about how Im going to look performing sexual acts, lol what my face looks like while Im having sex, everything. lol Ive even had panic attacks during sex, and thats scarey! I think a lot of people have this issue, and I think the main reason is because young people are basically pressured into having sex at a certain age or having it often, and some people just aren't ready for it yet. whether its emotionally or physically, Some people aren't ready for that kind of pressure. Now personally, I had sex very early on in age and I think thats where my stress about it came from. Also, just having sex with people that I didnt have an emotional relationship with. I didn't have that secure feelign while having sex with them and I didn't feel "safe". Because honestly, that guy could have sex with me and that same day go out and tell all his friends how it was. I realized I just wasn't that kind of person. So I think the big thing here, would be to think about it more, and come to terms with the kind of person you are, and what your willing to give (or what your comfortable to give) of yourself. And I agree, take it slow... sex isn't everything!
Much Love and God Bless!
Bree

[NoDoubt*Lover]

Thank you all so much for your replies, It means alot to me knowing that other people have felt this way before and its not just me. Most people wouldnt put this under a scary thought category, but I think it could qualify for one. I mean, everytime I think about being in a sexual situation, My heart starts to pound and I get anxious and I literally run away. I hope it gets better. I will use your advice and try and just get to know people better and see where that goes. Thank all of you.

Jared.

[Kita]

I can relate,I use to be very confident in my body and how well of a sexual performance i provide. Now it's as if i don't have a drive anymore. I justdo it for the hell of it. I wish i could get back to my normal self, and feelthose feelings that i once use to have. I get that anxiety build-up each time, wondering if i'm really satisfying the other person's needs. I hope it gets better for me.

[Paul R.]

I am a fairly newly diagnosed diabetic (Type 2) and CANNOT stay away from all the sugary things my husband keeps buying. Yes, it's a catch-22, and I don't know what to do. Too much sugar makes the anxiety rear its ugly head, but avoiding it makes me so depressed I don't want to live. I just do the best I can and pray I don't have diabetic complications before my time. God knows how hard this is, and I'm leaving Him in charge, while doing what I can to stay sane.

I can tell you it certainly is hard to just get out of the way and let God take over.

How funny is that? One of the character traits for anxiety is feeling that nobody else can do the job as good as you can. I guess I don't trust that God would do it better than me? Boy, am I glad I ordered the program. Time to get to work...

I live with autoimmune hypothyroid disease, and this chronic disease stuff sucks to, well...high heaven!

How do you get out of your own way and LET God take care of things?