Nonunderstanding Husband

taxcatkim · Post by **taxcatkim** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 4:04 pm

I'm new here but have the tapes and thought I'd write in and see if I'm not alone here. I also posted under the worry section.

I have all these crazy thoughts and worries all the time (you name it and I'll worry and obsess about it) that it pretty much consumes my day. My husband tells me to "get a grip", "put them out of my head", and that I'm driving him crazy with my constant worry. Anyone else out there have a spouse who's not quite understanding the disorder? How do you handle it?

I haven't been to a psychiatrist/psychologist but have been thinking more about it lately.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 4:35 am

Kim, I think many of us have been through something similar. The biggest problem, I think, is that people who have never experienced anxiety and it's many forms have no way of even beginning to understand what we are going through or why we just can't "control" it or move past it etc. Sometimes my hubby is very supportive but other times he gets frustrated with it all and lets me know. But the way I look at it is sometimes I get so frustrated with my anxiety too, so if it affects me, I can understand why it affects and upsets him. Sometimes I think husbands get like this because they want to fix everything and they get very frustrated when they can't help us fix this.

Still, it is important to have support when working through these things. If you have the program there is a sheet in the workbook - I think in lesson 2 which you can tear out and give to your family or others who are close to you and it explains what they can do to help you and what won't be helpful (like saying get a grip!). Also, I think hearing it from a third party makes them realize that what you are going through is something a lot of people go through and that it isn't something you can necessarily just fix instantly etc.

Also, if you go to the shop part of this forum I think there is a tape you can order for family members that also helps explain what you are going through and what they can do to help. So if you don't have the program right now you could always just order the tape for him and see if it helps a bit.

If you are dealing with obsessing over worries etc you might also want to look into getting some books on the subject. A lot of people have had some very possitive things to say about the help they have gotten from books. You could do a search on Amazon - there are lots that people have recommended - some are for OCD but also deal with the purely obsessing/worrying part. You might find that will help you to deal with your constant worries especially if they are consuming your day. It could be a good place to start.

Here is a link to a recent post on the general forum about obsessional thinking and book recommendations.

<A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/cgi-bin/ubb ... 1;t=006221" TARGET=_blank>Books</A>

I hope this helps. Zoe

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Nov 16, 2002 2:14 pm

Thanks so much for your response! I appreciate it. The books are a good idea. I'll check it out and see what I can find. I just wish my husband understood even some of this, but he just doesn't get it. It's frustrating for him, I'm sure. So many times, we've left the house driving somewhere and I'll say, "did I lock the door" or "did I set the alarm" and we end up turning around to go check to ease my mind - otherwise, there's no peace until my mind is at ease. I feel bad for him, but I don't feel like I can control the crazy thoughts at this point. He tells me I'm too young to be acting like this (I'm 33), but I remember struggling with anxiety while in grade school, just in a different way.

Thanks again!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 12, 2008 10:12 am

I am dealing with so much right now that I am about to explode. My husband does not understand and says to get over it or just get up and get going. That is hard to do sometimes. He is very negative with me and everything, I can't do anything right, I have no me time at all, I enjoy talking on here, he gets mad, on the phone to friends he gets mad, rest, he is mad, anything I do is not good enough. I need some help PLEASE. My kids are suffering too. I just want to be a good happy mom.

Carolyn Dickman · Post by **Carolyn Dickman** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 2:55 pm

Hello dear! I know so well what you and Jenn are going through. My husband is a very good guy, I love him with everything I have and he is awesome, BUT when it comes down to anxiety issues, wich I am dealing right now he wont understand. He thinks since I am pregnant I have to be HAPPY, wich I do, but what can I do if my hormones are all over and I am experiencing anxiety??? He tells me, snap out of it...or get over...I know its hard but we can get through. I gave up talking to him about it, but I have a support group in this site and also one in my city that I talk to all the time.

I understand part of his coldness because he was in Iraq not too long, but I would love for him to be a little more supportive. But you know, we all can get through this, Please pm me if you all need to talk ok? I really understand!

Have a great night!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Sep 27, 2008 8:27 am

I'll pray for you and your husband. Take a deep breathe. You have a bona fide problem. He needs to "get a grip" on the fact that his wife is being tormented in her head and he's being unupportive at the moment.

PEACE,
JROCK

Originally posted by taxcatkim:
I'm new here but have the tapes and thought I'd write in and see if I'm not alone here. I also posted under the worry section.

I have all these crazy thoughts and worries all the time (you name it and I'll worry and obsess about it) that it pretty much consumes my day. My husband tells me to "get a grip", "put them out of my head", and that I'm driving him crazy with my constant worry. Anyone else out there have a spouse who's not quite understanding the disorder? How do you handle it?

I haven't been to a psychiatrist/psychologist but have been thinking more about it lately.