down in a hole

[mack]

I don't know how much longer i can do this. It's just one disturbing thought after another. I've tried to accept and float through these thoughts, but there are just more and more of them. I can't have an enjoyable thought without it being interrupted by a gross or absurd one. I've studied this for years now and i know what i've got to do, but it seems i can't do this acceptance thing. The truth will always be that i want them gone and no matter how hard i try to accept them i will always be bewildered by them. At the end of my rope here. I'm trying to tell myself that this is a bad setback and is temporary, but it's been nine months of of one bad thought after another and i'm starting to feel quite hopeless.

[coachchris]

Hi Mack,

I am sending you a private message.

Coach Chris StressCenter.com

[coach21]

Hey Mack,

I think we have exchanged posts before due to scary thoughts being one of my more challenging symptoms of anxiety. The source of your frustration lies in your statement "The truth will always be that I want them gone....". When elimination of scary thoughts is our goal we just set ourselves up for more anxiety, frustration, depression and variations of the thoughts themselves. Mack, I can't stress to you enough that every human gets weird, intrusive, spontaneous thoughts. As a coach I often process alot of anxious thoughts with clients when they reach lesson 3. I can't tell you how many people who don't struggle with this symptom have shared with me their obscure, intrusive thoughts. The difference between them and us is they perceive these thoughts for what they really are; an insignficant quirk of the human condition. However, when these same people get a heart palpitaion for example, they perceive this as a symptom of a heart attack and react by hyperventilating and rushing themselves to the emergency room. We conversely perceive these palpitations for what they really are; insignificant quirk of the human condition. I'm sure you've had heart palpitations in you life but you don't perceive them as a threat thus you couldn't recall the lat time you've had one. Conversely individuals who don't struggle with reacting irrationally to scary thoughts have had the thoughts but couldn't tell ya the last time they had an intrusive thought. When it comes to anxiety were all sensitive to certain stimuli. Heart palpitations, obscure thoughts, eye floaters, ect.. At some point in our lives we began reacting to this stimuli irrationally establishing and reinforcing alot of false conclusions along the way. Your human Mack. Your going to get weird intrusive thoughts. We all do. Our goal is to eliminate the anxiety, depression and frustration associated with these thoughts. E-mail me any time for support Mack. Keep pressing forward. God bless.

[mack]

I appreciate your concern and i know all the things you are talking about. I've been doing this for a long time now. I'm aware of my overreaction to these thoughts, but lately it's one after another after another. Actuallly far worse than any other time i was hospitalized. I do not think they have some big significance, and i'm aware people have these fleeting thoughts from time to time, but i'm just bewildered by the fact that it is happening and happening so much. How can you accept that all day you are going to have thoughts that are disgusting and absurd? This seems to much to ask of someone. Going around all day without having a disgusting thought about a person or whatever. I'm a bit tired of the old 'crazy people have no idea they are crazy'. This obsessing is insane! All day long my mind trying to find the worst thing it can think of. What is not crazy about that? Right now i'm just trying to work on accepting that this is temporary and i've forgotten before and i'll forget again. Yes i'm in this real thick right now, but it's darkest right before the dawn. Very hard to believe, but that's what i'm telling myself over and over. I can float right through a flash of panic and anxiety, but the bewilderment of having to try to cope with constant obsessions has me utterly depressed.

[coach21]

Hey Mack,

As per " How can you accept that all day you are going to have thoughts that are absurd?". The sooner I made peace with this symptom of anxiety the sooner these thoughts dissipated. Do I still get intrusive thoughts? Yes.The difference now is I couldn't tell you the last time I did. Helping others with anxiety has made me realize how many people have intrusive, weird thoughts.

As per "All day long my mind tries to find the worst thing it can think of.....what's not crazy about that?" I recall the fear of the scary thougths lead to variations of the thoughts themselves. Mack, the sheer fact that you recognize these thoughts as irrational is pure evidence you are of sound mind. You can't think yourself crazy. All we are talking about here is anxiety. I desensitized these thoughts and broke this fear through working through a log simialir to the daily mood log found in Dr. Burns Feeling Good book for 10 to 15 minutes per day. Through doing this I conditioned my brain to respond rationally to these thoughts. Writing in this log and processing these thoughts with a responsible ear served as exposure therapy and really helped the desensitization process. Going through a growth spurt similair to yours helped me to have a better understanding of this symptom of anxiety. Feel free to e-mail anytime for support Mack. God has the resources in your path to fully re-establish your confidence. Keep putting action behind your faith. God bless.

[mack]

what is your e-mail address. i'm interested to hear about these logs. thanks.

[coach21]

Hey Mack,

The book is called The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. Feel free to e-mail me through this site or directly at mikesc21@hotmail.com. God bless