Scary thoughts about surgery
I have suffered with anxiety my whole life. I was a complete hypochondriac as a child and still am to this day. I have been through the program once a couple of years ago and recently had to start it up again due to obsessive scary thoughts about death. I just recently found out that I have gallstones and have to have surgery to remove my gallbladder. I have never had surgery before and I am scared to death of being put under. I keep thinking "what if I never wake up?" "What if I bleed to death during the operation and leave my 3 children behind w/o a mother?" I have been obsessing about these thoughts day and night since I found out. To add fuel to the fire, I have ulcerative colitis and yesterday I talked to my gastroenterologist about my gallbladder and he proceeded to tell me about a man who died from pancreatitis as a result of gallstones. That sent me over the edge and I started bawling in his office. My panic attacks recently have been about more so me concentrating on my breathing and how I can't breathe. Of course I feel like I am dying and the cycle continues. I guess I just need some reassurance and some positive feedback from someone who can relate to this. Any advice will be much appreciated.
What if? What if? What if?
Everything you've said in your post are catastrophic events you've created for yourself. Is it possible that these things will happen? Yes, it is. Is it likely? Not in the least.
You're not going to stop breathing, why don't you try to hold your breath? See how long you can. You'll notice that you'll only go a few seconds before you take a breath. Try chewing your food without swallowing. If you keep chewing for several seconds, you will swallow the food without trying to.
My point is, you're trying to control something that's not under your conscious control. Give up the fight. Let go of the tense hold. Your body is functioning normally in the circumstances you've created for it.
When you're telling yourself you could possibly die from surgery, or that you can't breathe. How can your heart not race, how can you not get an adrenaline rush (which in turn makes you more aware)? It's not that you physically can't breathe. It's that you're telling yourself you can't breathe. The worst thing of all is that you are buying in on this bluff.
Go ahead and try to have a panic attack. You can't. Try as hard as you can. This proves one thing, panic is apprehension.
You feel like you're dying, so just... die. I'm not talking about suicide, I'm talking about letting go, follow your panic to the end and see what's there. Nothing.
You'll be fine.
Everything you've said in your post are catastrophic events you've created for yourself. Is it possible that these things will happen? Yes, it is. Is it likely? Not in the least.
You're not going to stop breathing, why don't you try to hold your breath? See how long you can. You'll notice that you'll only go a few seconds before you take a breath. Try chewing your food without swallowing. If you keep chewing for several seconds, you will swallow the food without trying to.
My point is, you're trying to control something that's not under your conscious control. Give up the fight. Let go of the tense hold. Your body is functioning normally in the circumstances you've created for it.
When you're telling yourself you could possibly die from surgery, or that you can't breathe. How can your heart not race, how can you not get an adrenaline rush (which in turn makes you more aware)? It's not that you physically can't breathe. It's that you're telling yourself you can't breathe. The worst thing of all is that you are buying in on this bluff.
Go ahead and try to have a panic attack. You can't. Try as hard as you can. This proves one thing, panic is apprehension.
You feel like you're dying, so just... die. I'm not talking about suicide, I'm talking about letting go, follow your panic to the end and see what's there. Nothing.
You'll be fine.
Thank you for that. My surgery is tomorrow and I am trying to remain positive about it. I have been listening to the relaxation CD before I go to bed at night and have just been praying. I really do not have control over what happens and all I can really do is leave it all up to God. I am just ready for this to all be behind me so that hopefully I can't just realize that it wasn't that big of a deal. It really is more about not being in control of my body that scares me. Thank you for the response. I was beginning to think no one would. Have a great day!