something new every day
I've been going through a really rough time lately. Every day my mind finds something new to obsess about. I can't enjoy anything. My mind always comes in and creates something new and disturbing. It's overwhelming me. I've been working on trying to accept these as just thoughts but they just come more and more. I've never had such a flood of different obsessions before and it's freaking me out. I know this is the nature of obsessive thinking but it's never been this bad. I am stressed over being unemployed, single, and living back at my dad's. I guess I just can't seem to accept that this is my life and these thoughts are going to be there. It's really got me depressed. I go about my business doing the things I usually do and the thoughts just pile up one on top of the other. I know I'm not crazy but it sure feels like I am. I have no natural gestures left. I'm faking everything. I'm so sick of being in my head.
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Guest
It's getting worse because you're trying to control them, to make them go away. There is no "IT". Only you, making them more than just thoughts, you're allowing them to control your life, your every move or action. This is you allowing it, not your mind or some outside force doing this to you.
Don't try to ignore the thoughts, accept them as part of your normal thinking pattern. Acceptance doesn't mean trying to get past them, moving forward tensely or even ignoring them. Acceptance is floating onward, through them. Without the physical reaction to each anxious thought, they lose their power to frighten.
It's not the company, sex, music or anything else that's making these thoughts flash. It's a very tired mind working. You've placed special meaning to the thoughts, how can they not come back? Very few people truly accept at first. You're reading into the contents of the thoughts too much. You're not seeing the big picture, they are thoughts born from fear and fatigue. Nothing else. Not because you're losing it, or because you're crazy. You're obviously over sensitized and over tired.
Understanding must start the road to acceptance. You must understand that this is a set pattern. Flashing thought, physical reaction, second fear. For example:
1. "Scary thought."
2. "Panic/anxiety."
3. "Second fear: OMG, I'm going to lose my mind. What if I act on these thoughts? What if these thoughts come true? I'm losing my mind. I can't do this anymore. It's freaking me out. I can't enjoy anything. This is overwhelming me."
So what if they overwhelm you? That's second fear, it's thoughts that you believe. What happens if it overwhelms you? Nothing.
Replace #3 with understanding and acceptance.
I'm not asking that you accept that the thoughts are always going to be there. I'm asking to accept your current state knowing that if you keep practicing acceptance, the thoughts will no longer matter, and when they no longer matter. They no longer show up for the party.
Another thing, thoughts do not pile up, it's physical tension that piles up, eventually into anxiety and panic. If you loosen your body, slouch in your seat, and let the feelings and the thoughts flash without running away from them. There will be no mounting tension. It always burns itself out.
You're faking everything because you're trying to control everything. Let go of the tense hold on yourself. Acceptance means accepting even the fact that acceptance takes time to bring recovery.
Don't try to ignore the thoughts, accept them as part of your normal thinking pattern. Acceptance doesn't mean trying to get past them, moving forward tensely or even ignoring them. Acceptance is floating onward, through them. Without the physical reaction to each anxious thought, they lose their power to frighten.
It's not the company, sex, music or anything else that's making these thoughts flash. It's a very tired mind working. You've placed special meaning to the thoughts, how can they not come back? Very few people truly accept at first. You're reading into the contents of the thoughts too much. You're not seeing the big picture, they are thoughts born from fear and fatigue. Nothing else. Not because you're losing it, or because you're crazy. You're obviously over sensitized and over tired.
Understanding must start the road to acceptance. You must understand that this is a set pattern. Flashing thought, physical reaction, second fear. For example:
1. "Scary thought."
2. "Panic/anxiety."
3. "Second fear: OMG, I'm going to lose my mind. What if I act on these thoughts? What if these thoughts come true? I'm losing my mind. I can't do this anymore. It's freaking me out. I can't enjoy anything. This is overwhelming me."
So what if they overwhelm you? That's second fear, it's thoughts that you believe. What happens if it overwhelms you? Nothing.
Replace #3 with understanding and acceptance.
I'm not asking that you accept that the thoughts are always going to be there. I'm asking to accept your current state knowing that if you keep practicing acceptance, the thoughts will no longer matter, and when they no longer matter. They no longer show up for the party.
Another thing, thoughts do not pile up, it's physical tension that piles up, eventually into anxiety and panic. If you loosen your body, slouch in your seat, and let the feelings and the thoughts flash without running away from them. There will be no mounting tension. It always burns itself out.
You're faking everything because you're trying to control everything. Let go of the tense hold on yourself. Acceptance means accepting even the fact that acceptance takes time to bring recovery.
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Guest
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Guest
Thanks for the advice DGriffin. I've read alot of what you are saying in Peace from Nervous Suffering by Clair Weeks. I've been trying to combine the findings of that book with that of Freedom from Fear by Dr. Howard Liebgold. I think a big part of my problem is the bewilderment. I know people have scary thoughts but the fact that mine stick and get me depressed gets me depressed. My scare voice has attacked every thing that I enjoy and I"m overwhelmed by it and trying to float and accept these thoughts all damn day is exhausting. How is my mind not supposed to be tired? Obviously patience has never been one of my strong suits either. I'm just so frustrated by this that it seems impossible sometimes that this will fade (with work of course). I feel that I'll always have the memories of these obsessions and things will never be as good as they once were when I wasn't in my head all the time. However, I will continue to diligently do the work and hope for the best. I appreciate the people on this forum so much and I don't know that I would hanging on at all if it weren't for their advice and encouragement.
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Guest
No problem. That's exactly where the advice came from and that's how I recovered. Your thoughts stick because you have placed great emphasis on them, no other reason. Just because you see them as something out to get you. But they're only thoughts, thoughts can't hurt you or make you "lose it".
You're referring to your thoughts as some outside force that is attacking everything you love! There is no "scare voice" just your thoughts, you are doing this to yourself. Stop feeding these thoughts, let them come and let them go. Stop holding onto them and adding second fear to them. But more importantly stop being bluffed by every thought you have. You're being tricked into believing them.
You will always have memories of these obsessions, but you cope with memory by accepting it as well. Memory can only bring thoughts in a wave, you must keep them alive. When they no longer matter to you, they don't show up. I think maybe you're trying TOO hard.
These feelings you're describing are thoughts! Thoughts you've added yourself! "I'll never feel right again." "I'm in my head all the time, I can't stop." This is what frightens and sensitizes your body further. This is a habit that you have to break. If a thought flashes, let it flash, let it go, stop keeping it alive with second fear.
Stop the self-pity..
Are thoughts really so bad that you let them own your life? You let them frighten you so much that you despair? Are they really that scary? The physical reactions can be quite disturbing, but this is because of your present state of sensitization. You now have the knowledge of understanding. Stop the second fear and self-pity.
I'm not trying to offend you, just trying to get you to see what you're doing to yourself. I'm not belittling your situation, I have been there.
You're referring to your thoughts as some outside force that is attacking everything you love! There is no "scare voice" just your thoughts, you are doing this to yourself. Stop feeding these thoughts, let them come and let them go. Stop holding onto them and adding second fear to them. But more importantly stop being bluffed by every thought you have. You're being tricked into believing them.
You will always have memories of these obsessions, but you cope with memory by accepting it as well. Memory can only bring thoughts in a wave, you must keep them alive. When they no longer matter to you, they don't show up. I think maybe you're trying TOO hard.
These feelings you're describing are thoughts! Thoughts you've added yourself! "I'll never feel right again." "I'm in my head all the time, I can't stop." This is what frightens and sensitizes your body further. This is a habit that you have to break. If a thought flashes, let it flash, let it go, stop keeping it alive with second fear.
Stop the self-pity..
I appreciate the people on this forum so much and I don't know that I would hanging on at all if it weren't for their advice and encouragement.
Are thoughts really so bad that you let them own your life? You let them frighten you so much that you despair? Are they really that scary? The physical reactions can be quite disturbing, but this is because of your present state of sensitization. You now have the knowledge of understanding. Stop the second fear and self-pity.
I'm not trying to offend you, just trying to get you to see what you're doing to yourself. I'm not belittling your situation, I have been there.
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Guest
This really is great advice and a clean clear way to look at it. The hardest part is ap that 3rd step when we need to change the message of self-pity/"it's never going to go away!" to one of compassion. Thanks, DGriffith for wording it that way and taking the time to post.
Thanks also to Boon for her wonderful support and advice.
Thanks also to Boon for her wonderful support and advice.
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Guest
Thanks again DGriffith. I am having some problems with self pity, but yes the thought of sex or music never being the same is frightening to me and does make me despair. They are frightening thoughts. I am working very hard on not adding second fear, but that doesn't mean these thoughts don't still bother me. I'm bewildered and it's that simple. I'm not having a pity party I'm just suffering at a level that I never have before and feeling bad for myself sometimes is understandable. I really do appreciate you advice, but it seems every time I've written in to this forum to thank people or reach out and give some sympathy you have something negative to say about it. Why is that? You obviously have similar problems.
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Guest
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that, yes, Claire Weeks book has an amazing amount of insight into understanding what is going on, but what to actually say to myself (cognitive behavior therapy) is kind of vague or broad in the book. In Freedom From Fear by Dr. Liegbold there are more exact suggestions on how, or what, to say to yourself to "accept" and "float" through these second fears. To say that there is no Scare Voice serves no one. There is no ONE answer to these problems, and as someone who has studied psychology extensively and is accredited in the field I know enough to know that we know alot more than we used to but we still know very little about the workings of the human mind and spirit. If Clair Week's book helped you alone then great, but it was one of the first books I bought and I felt the actual practices on how to apply her findings was limited. She was obviously leaps and bounds ahead of her time and I read the book daily, but I am not a person who takes faith in one thing and accepts it as THE ANSWER. Yes, I feel sorry for myself alot and am bewildered by what is happening, or I'm sorry, what I'm doing to myself because I have an anxiety/depression disorder, but I feel I'm allowed that from time to time and instead of saying things like "let it flash", or "let it go". Maybe you could give me some suggestions on some cognitive behavior techniques to do just those things. I don't understand how I might be "trying to hard" either. I'm working hard on trying to accept or react freely but it's very difficult for me right now. I realize that you may not be trying to offend me, but it's clear that you knew it probably would and it does so what's the point in adding that to your thread. Boon has helped me tremendously and to say that what has helped her, and may help me, seems to be anything but helpful. I just had to get that off my mind. I hope all is well with you and yours and hope to gain the peace of mind you seem to have.
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Guest
Small correction, I've had similar problems. It seems to me that the biggest hiccups with recovery for most people are:
1. They expect cure to happen quickly. Unfortunately, it takes time to heal the state they are in.
2. They pity themselves because they're in such a state.
3. They say they accept everything about it, but still complain about the symptoms. How can you have accepted it when you still complain about it?
4. They blame their illness on something outside of themselves. But there is no "IT" only you.
5. They believe the thoughts and the catastrophic events that imagination creates.
6. They want control of everything.
If you could just realize that these are sensitized reactions to thoughts, thoughts that are normal for a sensitized person to have. By sensitized, I mean someone whose nerves are well-oiled, ready to flash panic at the slightest anxious thought.
This is not difficult to understand. While you've bombarded yourself with second fear day in and day out. Your body is ready to flash panic/anxiety with every anxious thought. With every flash of panic/anxiety, you add more and more fear. What if, What if, What if. Until you get to the point that you no longer feel in control, and if only the demon inside you could be exorcised and you could be the person you used to be.
I have not said something negative, I'm fine with you thanking people for their help. You made a comment about not knowing where you would be without the advice. What I'm trying to get across is that nothing will happen to you, worst case scenario is you stay sensitized. You won't have a nervous breakdown, you won't lose your mind. You're treating your anxiety/panic like it can do some significant damage to you. It can do nothing more than what you allow it to do.
Maybe talking to yourself telling yourself how great you are, will do some good for you. But talking good to yourself rarely helps you when you don't believe it. Lucinda says this in CD 2 or 3.
You need to resolve this conflict by facing these fears and becoming passive. Surrender to your thoughts and feelings, feel all the fear, think all the thoughts. Stop trying to fight them away and treating your anxiety/panic/scary thoughts as some evil thing out to destroy you.
I guess a recovery plan like Dr. Weekes' is too simple for some to grasp. It sounds very simple, but it's not so easy to do. Practicing her plan means facing fear head on, not withdrawing in panic. Accepting everything, not just putting up with it. Floating through physical symptoms, and patiently waiting for your body to heal from sensitization. My goal is to help others so they do not have to suffer the way I did.
An example of letting it go, or letting it flash..
You're sitting at home relaxing, suddenly you get a flashing thought. "I'll never be able to enjoy music again." You feel the adrenaline in your stomach, you know you're close to panicking. You feel a flash of despair. You feel physical symptoms of anxiety and panic..
Option 1:
I'm drained, this "thing" has taken me over. It's draining all the life out of me. You immediately stoke your fire with more fear. OMG, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't enjoy music anymore. Am I ever going to be the same? What if I never get over this? This goes on and on, finally you're so emotionally tired you start feeling sorry for yourself because you believe you'll never be the same again.
Option 2:
Understanding. These are physical symptoms of anxiety and they're of no great medical significance. They always pass, nature is working to calm me down as soon as they start. You don't add fear to fear and prolong it by holding onto the thought that started the cycle. What if I.. What if this.. etc. You accept your feelings without trying to fight them away. You allow them to stay as long as they want while continuing with whatever it was you were doing. Trying to make the thoughts/feelings go away, is a sure way to keep them around. By acceptance, I"m not talking about putting up with it. I mean complete acceptance, surrender to whatever your body wants to do to you. If you do this, the anxiety/panic will subside, and you'll see that this "thing" that has been such a problem, is not really much of a problem at all.
Why I think you may be trying to hard.. I get the feeling/impression that you are fighting this with everything in you. You seem like a strong person. But you need to give up the fight. Become passive, be a tree in the wind. Float on through it, not against it. Find the eye of your storm. Peace is there, you must pass through panic to peace.
Again I'm sorry I upset you. I hope you recover quickly and send all my sympathy to you, I have been in your state before. You will gain peace of mind. Trust me.
1. They expect cure to happen quickly. Unfortunately, it takes time to heal the state they are in.
2. They pity themselves because they're in such a state.
3. They say they accept everything about it, but still complain about the symptoms. How can you have accepted it when you still complain about it?
4. They blame their illness on something outside of themselves. But there is no "IT" only you.
5. They believe the thoughts and the catastrophic events that imagination creates.
6. They want control of everything.
If you could just realize that these are sensitized reactions to thoughts, thoughts that are normal for a sensitized person to have. By sensitized, I mean someone whose nerves are well-oiled, ready to flash panic at the slightest anxious thought.
This is not difficult to understand. While you've bombarded yourself with second fear day in and day out. Your body is ready to flash panic/anxiety with every anxious thought. With every flash of panic/anxiety, you add more and more fear. What if, What if, What if. Until you get to the point that you no longer feel in control, and if only the demon inside you could be exorcised and you could be the person you used to be.
I have not said something negative, I'm fine with you thanking people for their help. You made a comment about not knowing where you would be without the advice. What I'm trying to get across is that nothing will happen to you, worst case scenario is you stay sensitized. You won't have a nervous breakdown, you won't lose your mind. You're treating your anxiety/panic like it can do some significant damage to you. It can do nothing more than what you allow it to do.
Maybe talking to yourself telling yourself how great you are, will do some good for you. But talking good to yourself rarely helps you when you don't believe it. Lucinda says this in CD 2 or 3.
You need to resolve this conflict by facing these fears and becoming passive. Surrender to your thoughts and feelings, feel all the fear, think all the thoughts. Stop trying to fight them away and treating your anxiety/panic/scary thoughts as some evil thing out to destroy you.
I guess a recovery plan like Dr. Weekes' is too simple for some to grasp. It sounds very simple, but it's not so easy to do. Practicing her plan means facing fear head on, not withdrawing in panic. Accepting everything, not just putting up with it. Floating through physical symptoms, and patiently waiting for your body to heal from sensitization. My goal is to help others so they do not have to suffer the way I did.
An example of letting it go, or letting it flash..
You're sitting at home relaxing, suddenly you get a flashing thought. "I'll never be able to enjoy music again." You feel the adrenaline in your stomach, you know you're close to panicking. You feel a flash of despair. You feel physical symptoms of anxiety and panic..
Option 1:
I'm drained, this "thing" has taken me over. It's draining all the life out of me. You immediately stoke your fire with more fear. OMG, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't enjoy music anymore. Am I ever going to be the same? What if I never get over this? This goes on and on, finally you're so emotionally tired you start feeling sorry for yourself because you believe you'll never be the same again.
Option 2:
Understanding. These are physical symptoms of anxiety and they're of no great medical significance. They always pass, nature is working to calm me down as soon as they start. You don't add fear to fear and prolong it by holding onto the thought that started the cycle. What if I.. What if this.. etc. You accept your feelings without trying to fight them away. You allow them to stay as long as they want while continuing with whatever it was you were doing. Trying to make the thoughts/feelings go away, is a sure way to keep them around. By acceptance, I"m not talking about putting up with it. I mean complete acceptance, surrender to whatever your body wants to do to you. If you do this, the anxiety/panic will subside, and you'll see that this "thing" that has been such a problem, is not really much of a problem at all.
Why I think you may be trying to hard.. I get the feeling/impression that you are fighting this with everything in you. You seem like a strong person. But you need to give up the fight. Become passive, be a tree in the wind. Float on through it, not against it. Find the eye of your storm. Peace is there, you must pass through panic to peace.
Again I'm sorry I upset you. I hope you recover quickly and send all my sympathy to you, I have been in your state before. You will gain peace of mind. Trust me.
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Guest
Thank you for your reply D. It's not that I have the physical symptoms of anxiety so much anymore it's just that I get depressed that these thoughts stick and I ruminate on them. Second fear, I know, but it doesn't change the fact that I do this and how to actually "accept" and "float" is unclear in Dr. Week's book. I don't worry that I will go insane but I do worry that I will become so depressed about this that I will become suicidal. I have been there before and mental hospitals are no fun. Have you ever been punished for being sick? That's what a state hospital is like around here anyway. That's what I mean about not knowing where I would be without the help of the people on this forum. I obviously do have a problem with self pity and the problem that I have, but I'm working on "accepting" but I am an over-analyzer like pretty much everyone on here and I need more in depth advice than "accept" and "float". I need to hear what one might say to themselves to bring themselves to float when a scary, yet absurd, thought they can't stand is in their head all damn day. I think I've hit on something there, the absurdity, it drives me mad. These thoughts are so absurd that I should be able to see their insignificance, but I'm always asking why, why, why. As far as my illness not being an "IT", only me. I have another problem with that. Do I or do I not have an illness or disorder? I've been diagnosed with everything from GAD, clinical depression, and now some Pure O (OCD). This is my fault? I can't have some self pity because I suffer from any one of these. I understand that I can only put this pity on myself for little bits, but I am human and I have moments of weakness like anyone else. I have learned and applied so much since I recently committed myself to this, and I've been struggling with this for a decade so it's hard not "fight" with everything I have to overcome my condition. I understand what you are saying about letting go as a concept, but I need people like Boon and books like Freedom from Fear by Dr. Liegbold to give me hints on how to to that by telling myself "whatever" or "oh, there's a what if statement" whenever these thoughts keep bombarding me. The ironic part is that this sensitization is more severe than it was the several times I was suicidal and hospitalized, but from my "fighting" and working to do the things everyone talks about on here I have come to understand what I have to do, but you must understand that this acceptance and floating seems to be so counter intuitive to me that I struggle with it alot. I truly appreciate your input and intelligent replies, but to say that you haven't said anything negative makes me think you can't truly empathize with people who haven't recovered the way you have. I hope I'm wrong. PEACE