The Challenge...Lesson 10

[THH]

Hey Forever young,
I'm here too. I have been busy, that is a good thing, but also from time to time I get overwhelmed doing to much and I need to shut it down.
I'm glad your here with us, post! I'm sure you could add alot to this challenge.

Mike,
The song you posted was cute. I liked the video that went with it too. Thanks for sharing!

2 questions....
#1. I value my family, my health, nature, freedom, art, spirituality.( probably more )
#2.To feel successful, I expect to feel at peace with my decisions. I guess I try to do the perfect thing. This is a good question Mike,
I am eager to hear others idea of success.
AND yours!

It really was good and something to continue thinking on. ( the sub conscious vs conscious)

For your obsessive thoughts:
Maybe strip naked with a hula hoop, and do hip hop!
Jabbing someone in the eyes and money comes out!
Punching someone in the face and they get younger?!
Just a couple random thoughts at humor.

No worries Mike, I too get to feeling like you do with over whelm. I can get worked up in my thoughts and feel too much pressure. I need to rest and remove myself from hearing too much more. I went to bed early one night and actually slept extra long. I had a stressful week, not physically. I looking back needed to do more physical things to let go of all of it. We have had several people 3 older aunts and uncles in the hospital. All are very old and in the winter of their lives. Dealing with the drama of each persons family matters is very challenging. Just hearing it on the phone at times can be over bearing.
I also had a conflict with a sister in law, and well she actually called me after 6 months to apologies. So it was not all bad, some was very good but still overwhelming all the same.

I'm glad you posted this about beliefs as I was unclear what was meant by that. I thought spiritual beliefs?
Your examples opened my mind up to what you meant. I too have lots of those.
Why bother as I already know the out come. So negative!
I have nothing important to do. Its funny how other people can make you feel what you have to do is not important. I buy into that and feel poor in the self worth category. everyone has a important life, and mine is not very important.
So wrong.


Paislee,
How cool with your fish ponds. I under stand about putting your heart into your work, relaxation & joy. I do that with my horses and dogs. I have found for me I can't let it go. I love it way too much. But as I have gotten older I needed to ask for help or scale back some, so it does not become a stressor. This way I still enjoy my home and all those who share my space.
I have found if I feel I have not ridden my horse and stress over it, I feel so much better by just going out and going for a brief ride, I feel much better than staying in and saying I never get to ride.
What issues are you dealing with over your fish?
Hope you had a good weekend!

[mcshope]

Hello Everybody,

I have a lot of reading ahead of me, I will respond to your posts as I read them. I just wanted to let you know that I am doing fine, maybe thinking a little too much.

Last week I went to a friend's house for the first time in years. Usually we get together at my place, however she is pregnant and she was placed in bed rest. Another 2 friend's and I went to visit. It was a good experience, I drove by myself (that is easier than driving with someone else). She lives in a town 40 minutes away, so I took my cd of lesson 10 with me. I was having anxiety, maybe a 5 or 6. I kept thinking that I had to make it all the way there, even if I just stayed for a few minutes. Usually once I get there I feel better, besides, I had some Chistmas gifts for them. I know it is early, but one of my friends is a traveling nurse and she was leaving for her new post the next day. So I made it all the way there, they know about my anxiety, so they were happy to see me. It took me a little to calm down, but I was able to stay about 2 hours. I left just before the sun went down. I felt very happy about it.

Now this Wednesday I have a 2nd job interview. This one is with a hospital that is looking for a Case Coordinator to help parents of kids that have been hospitalized for emotional problems. The job sounds very interesting, the pay is very good, however it will imply a long drive and maybe relocation. So I am going to a town that is about 1 hour from here. I am nervous about the trip but also excited. I will take my cd's with me and just hope that it doesn't snow.

There is another job opportunity with a local hospital, it is more convenient and I think I would like it. However they haven't call, so I am just waiting and waiting.

So my mind has been busy and I have been looking for possibilities. However I also recognize that I can't go too far ahead because this is just an interview, not a job offering.

I am in the waiting game, and I don't like it.

Now I will take the time to read all your posts and respond to them.

Hope

[mcshope]

Mike,

It is amazing, we have made it 2/3 of the way through the program. I know that witout this group I probably would lost interest and my progress would be as good. Thank you all for being here, thank you for sharing your ideas and your fears, thank you for your support.

I have been watching the program Obsessed on Netflix. At first it caused my anxiety to go up, however it also made me think about facing our fears. I know I have avoided situations that cause anxiety, however from watching the program I realize that we have to face the anxiety, let it go up and down, because it will go down. There was an episode with someone with agoraphobia and it really made me think about my fears and how there is no other way but facing my fears.

Thinking of progress, I know that now I am less fearful of going out, and I don't have to prepare myself that much to get out of the house. I even have forgotten my medicine bag, and I have been ok without it. I still have some IBS, but I take some imodium before leaving and usually I am ok after that. I haven't feel the urge to take some xanax either. I use to take half of a .25 mg pill, which is close to nothing. I guess it is more the idea of the pill, than the pill itself what made me feel better. I still take my zoloft and buspar, but maybe one day I will be able to reduce the dose.

I understand how difficult it is to separate the feelings you had during the abuse. It is not stupid, actually is very dificult to get to where you are. It is confusing. Even though it felt good, it was wrong on the part of your abuser. You were a child and you didn't have the opportunity to choose, you were not mature enough to make a decision. That is what is wrong about it.

About looking for a job, my idea was to just start looking, check on the internet or the local paper to see if there is something you would like to do. If you feel up to it, send your resume. If they call for an interview, see that as a practice oportunity. Don't worry about getting the job or not, just take it as a practice oportunity for your interviewing skills. I do not mention about my panic attacks during the interview, I simply say that I needed to take some time out to figure out what I would like to do, like a sabatical.

I don't think you will find to many mean people during a job interview... however if you do, then that is a company you don't want to work for... don't you think?

Hope

[mcshope]

Paislee,

I am with you on the having too much stuff. It is my stuff and I don't like anybody messing with it. I would be very angry if anyone decides to throwing away my things. Mainly is a bunch of papers, but they are mine. I also watched the obsessed program, I found it on Netflix and I have been watching it on the computer. I understand that we get attached to stuff because we have the feeling of a loss.

I have been throwing away some old papers, mainly stuff from college and so. I still have long ways to go, but little by little. I guess my frustration is that is not only my mess, my husband and son also have their own stuff. We are a family of pack rats...

Are you taking any medication right now?... I take zoloft and buspar, both medications have been helpful, but there still is some part of the work that we have to do ourselves.

How long ago your son took his life?... I can't imagine how you must feel.

Hope

[NinjaFrodo]

Here is my funny thing today! Someone posted awhile ago about laughter therapy...well this is definately going to make you laugh. Glowzell's video

Paisleegreen;

Exactly the same thing with me. My thoughts are choppy and my sentences can be too and all over the place as well. It is unbelievable frustrating and the blank mind I get that too and it is the main symptom that still bothers the heck out of me!!! I have to stop and think alot too...In fact I rehearse in my mind over and over again what I want to say when i'm in most social situations...so much stress and it becomes such a chore just to talk! I have this around most people but there are some who are like those old friends/family like you said that I can just laugh and enjoy myself. Those are the silly people who just do silly stuff and don't care.

Well what about the exercising makes it hard to get in? Or the work from the workbook?

Take your time reading the posts, they will be there forever! Oh and I have altered the way I post so there isn't too much information all at once. I don't want to overwhelm people.


THH

For the first question that was a good response! I do want to get a little more specific with a couple of those things on the list. What is it that you get from having family in your life? In nature? In art and in spirituality? (I'm asking for answers for them individually)

So in order to feel successful you need to feel at peace with your decisions. Maybe you have to do perfect? So do you feel successful?

I'm eager to hear other's idea of success as well. In fact I'm going to start asking more questions in my posts to get people to really think and break away from their habitual patterns.

Wow those are some really awesome humorous replacement thoughts! I am definately going to write those down and read them 10X a day! (It suggests that in Lucinda's book "from panic to power" Jabbing someone in the eyes and money comes out and punching someone and them turning younger are my favorates!

Needed to do more physical things to let it go?

That does sound like it would be very stressful to have older family members in the hospital and dealing with the families! I think because of the anxiety we become really sensitive to other people's pain and we automatically put ourselves in their shoes and that can be extremely overwhelming!!! That was pretty good that she appologized...it was well needed.

Oh, I didn't even think that it could be taking as spiritual beliefs. Beliefs are just rules we have for life and people. Those 2 beliefs sound like they would reak havoc on your life! What tony robbins says is beliefs are like the flood gate to your power or something like that. Negative beliefs close your flood gate. I'm going to be posting more on beliefs and values soon and how to change them. Also there is a thing on Tony Robbins's site that is a personal profile analyzer or something. It asks you a bunch of questions and then gives you a report to your email about how you might approach life and work and many diffrent areas of your life. It seems cool...I filled half of it out and then my comp crashed and I haven't tried again since but I probabbly will tomorrow.

Mcshope

That is a great accomplishment! Going to visit your friend even though it gave you anxiety to do so. Please go into more details about how that felt. Did you feel more empowered? Did you feel more confident or less? What were the conversations like?

What would this case coordinator do to help them out?

Could you give them a follow up call? Sometimes people forget or get side-tracked.

Better yet you could see it as an information session if that might help with the idea of interview. I'm going to try to view it like that just to cut down the anxiety. Its just a small change in perception but it really helps. If it is an information session then it can be easy to talk to the other person and ask questions. Or if you see it like you're going to talk to a potential new friend then that could help out too. People tend to hire people they like as opposed to people who have amazing skills. It is something I read in David D Burns's book (feeling good handbook). The waiting game can be really annoying! Thank you for your advice on job searching! How do they respond when you tell them you needed to take some time out to figure out what you wanted to do?

Your very welcome for the support and the postings and such. It really is amazing we have gotten this far, it actually doesn't feel like we've been going at it for so long. So would you say you are satisfied with the effort you have put forth and the results you have gotten from going through the challenge?

Yeah that show is awesome! It is alot easier to go at our own limitations when we see other's facing theirs and it sounds like you have figured that out. I'll agree that we do tend to over prepare with many things but a certain level of preparation can be healthy! If everyday you were to wake up and get outside and walk and focusing on everything that is great in your life and that is working right and visualizing on your goals as if they were already achieved and then do incantations that empower you and build a certainty about your own skills and abilities...would you think that would be helpful? Do you think that might help prepare you in a healthy way?

By the way congrats on being less fearful and in need of your medicine bag. Maybe you might be able to reduce the dose or even better...not need it at all and stop taking it altogether!

Thank you for giving your input on my struggles with the abuse and the feelings. I agree with you and your comment just further ingraines that into my head. I appreciate that.


Monday

Today was another really awesome day! I swear everyday that I do this hour of power, I feel really good! Its like I feel good from the moment I start the breathing techniques to the end. It also builds momentum and it can drag on for the whole day! I actually get addicted to feeling good and I will look for more things that give me that same feeling! It is a great reminder that I don't need to buy something or necessarily accomplish an amazingly tough goal in order to feel successful, good, motivated, worthy or any positive and empowering feeling. I get that every time I do that hour of power and all it really is, is walking, breathing in 4 times and breathing out 4 times, focusing on gratitude, visualizing already acheiving my goals and empowering myself with incantations about how I have what I need inside of me and how i'm getting stronger everyday in every way. It seems so simple and yet it is the most satisfying thing I have ever done for myself. One thing I've noticed with the CBT is that I would feel good for doing the CBT and I would make amazing accomplishments but I still felt unsatisified. After doing this in the morning...I feel that satisfaction and then I'm free to do whatever else I want that day and I don't need to rush. I trust myself more, I trust in my abilities more too.



Mike

[mcshope]

Monterrey is in the north of Mexico, Mexico City is in the middle. It takes about 12 hours by car. I was born in Mexico City, my parents moved to Monterrey when I was 3 years old. So we grew up in Monterrey.

2 years ago my parents moved back to Mexico City because of a job oportunity for my dad. My mom's family is in Mexico City and also part of my dad's family.

My sister-in-law is just nuts. She has a way to twist any situation and become mad due to misunderstandings. We call them misunderstandings, however she views them as open attacks to her. She has isolated my brother from his family and his friends. It is a very difficult situation because we care about him, however it is imposible to see him or talk with him without her knowing or making a big issue.

It is difficult for my parents because they don't want to loose contact with their son, however she has offended everybody in the family.

But as I said, there is nothing I can do... well, there is nothing I want to do. I love my brother, and I respect his decisions. I avoid any contact with his wife simply because I don't want to cause him to have a hard time with her...

Most of the time I don't even think about this, but with the Christmas coming and also knowing that my parents have decided to spend Christmas in Mexico City, instead of in Monterrey, well that just tells me that things are not going good.

That is a little of the family drama... ... I just try to stay away from all the problems.
Sorry for venting here... this one has no easy way out.

Hope

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Hope--"Are you taking any medication right now?... I take zoloft and buspar, both medications have been helpful, but there still is some part of the work that we have to do ourselves."
I'm taking Remeron right now and Temazepam to help calm the twitching muscles brought on by the Remeron. I did get up to 37.5 mgs, but weaned down to 30 Mg and last night cut back to 22.5 mg.
I've decided that if I can wean off of Wellbutrin and Xanax and did fine until my episode w/ DS and then my first panic attack.

I think I will do okay now to be off of anti-depressants and just use Xanax as needed. This is an experiment, of course. I went to Power Source suggested by Silverlining on Menopause. I read that someone was on Remeron and asked a Dr a question about it. She said she was taking it for sleep.

I then thought, why am I taking it for sleeping, when I have Temazepam which works much better and I don't like Remeron.

I then read more about this Dr and his book on panic attacks out of California. And he prefers patients to use Xanax and wean off and doesn't push anti-depressants. Also when I was looking at his book to possibly buy, Dr David Burns has one out on Panic Attacks as well.

On the pages you can read on the internet he talks about halting Panic Attacks and also showed his CBT program that is similar to the one in his other books. So I don't know if I would be gaining anything new if I bought his book on panic attacks.

Anyway, all the Remeron did when the dosage was increased was making me gain weight and feel just a bit better, but not worth the side effects of what I get at night time.

The way I've be able to wean off of Remeron is my healthy diet, aerobic exercise, using the CDs and being able to post here with you guys.
Plus I see a Psychologist.

This is the worst I think I will be going through. I'm also trying to figure out if it is the Remeron that causes me some mental pauses.

Today, I was able to focus on getting our fake tree up and looking good, played Christmas music on my CD player. It still had the same CDs in from last year, that's how bad it has been. It does have a 5 disc changer and probably at the time, I was organizing that area in my living room and was checking out the CDs to put in the correct cases.

Or I actually put in my favorite Christmas CD and forgot I did! LOL!

Anyway, while fixing this fake tree w/ lights...trying to hook up the lights and fluffing out the branches, etc. I just felt the loneliness of the Season. I really missed my late son, because we would decorate the tree together listening to Christmas Music. He had ADHD so he was anxious and energetic!

I was trying to remember, did we get this tree when he was alive or after. I usually always get a real tree eversince we lived in this house I live in now. Because it has a large livingroom and floor to ceiling windows.

This is our first house that is in our name after many years of renting. So it is very fun to decorate...but I haven't done as much as I use to due to carpal tunnel syndrome and mourning, etc.

Anyway, I'm thinking these thoughts...you know, thinking how hard this is, how all my sons are grown up and I'm all alone working on this tree. Sniff...sniff...I'm thinking about my dog as well as I can see some fur on the tree branches. (I'm pretty sure they are his.)

I've got my great fir tree smelling candle glowing and sending out a nice scent. So I wept a bit and felt the pain...but I felt better.

I think I like to be able to weep and then feel better, than to have jittery feelings in the gut. So I know there is this anxiety feeling going on in my gut region. But I also have found through my Psychologist and Lucinda's CDs and you guys, that this goes away when I eat healthy and exercise, as well as laughing and crying makes me feel better.

So I'm going to see how I do with gradually go back down to 15 mg of Remeron, use Xanax if I need to. Otherwise, I think I'm good to go.

"How long ago your son took his life?... I can't imagine how you must feel." --
This will be our 7th Christmas without him. And my father passed on Christmas Eve morning, 6 years ago, he followed my mother who passed 7 months prior.

Thank you for asking about my son. I appreciate it. Everyone has been very kind about my loss and it really helps. Mike was very good at asking me questions which some people don't for fear of upsetting the parent, most parents don't mind. I haven't really met one that minded. I have met at a Survivor's Group a person that lost a spouse that didn't want to talk about their death. But she had just lost him and wasn't ready.

Anyway, I better post this so I can start posting about your Triumph and to others. Hopefully, I made sense, I'm not going to reread right now. Paislee

[Paisleegreen]

I get that every time I do that hour of power and all it really is, is walking, breathing in 4 times and breathing out 4 times, focusing on gratitude, visualizing already acheiving my goals and empowering myself with incantations about how I have what I need inside of me and how i'm getting stronger everyday in every way. It seems so simple and yet it is the most satisfying thing I have ever done for myself. One thing I've noticed with the CBT is that I would feel good for

Mike--You are doing great! I agree with what Hope has posted. My exercise is not happening as much now because we have inclement weather, and I'm a Pansy! LOL! I "should" just walk around in my living room "in place" to get the full aerobic workout and I do a little bit, but not enough I'm pretty sure of that. The next best thing is to "get brave and dressed" and go to the health club that is not too far from where I live. But that would take more effort on my part, I would have to at least get dressed :p put on some sort of make-up find the right pair of walking shoes, and then get into a cold vehicle and start the engine, then drive and park, make sure I have my pass and lock up the vehicle and then carefully walk in to a health club I haven't been at for MONTHS All a bit scary, but doable...it will take some uneasiness...but the benefits will be tremendous! The exercise I would do at the club is going to the second floor to where they have treadmills and other exercise equipment. When I get more adjusted I will use their pool and Jacuzzi.

[Paisleegreen]

That is a little of the family drama... Wink... I just try to stay away from all the problems.
Sorry for venting here... this one has no easy way out.

Hope

Hi HOPE! Of course you keep on venting...that's what we are here for! (((HUGS))) What's a little family drama to us who knows it all too well! :p
That is too bad you won't be near your family this Christmas, unless I got that wrong. They were closer if they stayed in Monterrey than Mexico City for Christmas.

I'm so proud of you for getting out and about visiting your friends and driving on your own. And you are doing well without worrying about having some Xanax near by. YOU GO GIRL! And now you have had some job interviews that look promising...way to go!

Although one is farther away and the other you aren't sure of just yet. So you have to wait...well, we'll wait with you and hope that all goes well and you get the job you want.

Hurray, for throwing some papers away. That's great! I did get some more notices from Flylady and a Friend of Hoarding advertising an organizing book. I have plenty and was doing fine until my work was interfered with. So now I wait...and do what I can do with the least amount of stress before I tackle bigger jobs. If I can keep things picked up and the house ready for Christmas, I'll be doing great!

I won't worry about serious dejunking right now. Just keep the main rooms clean and functioning, cook some healthy meals and pay my bills. Then what else pops up, I hope I'll be ready. Paislee

[THH]

Mike,
From my family, I get a sense of belonging.
In nature, I get a chance to SEE how everything flows, no one needs to tell me.
In art, it amuses me and allows creativity to flow.
Spirituality fills in gaps that I don't understand or can put words to.

Yes, I guess I need to feel peace with my decisions. Maybe I do put too much on perfect?
Do I feel successful? Yea in some ways...

Beliefs are just rules we have for life and people.

That should be very interesting???? Please tell more! Beliefs are different then expectations?

I like the beliefs topic. Maybe my beliefs are in question, I am growing. Before this program, Maybe I had quit challenging myself?

Whats your answers to all these questions? Come on....

I ment to say I need to move to burn up some of the anxiety that builds inside me. That helps dissipate the anxiety, for me.
I love that your new routine is working so well for you!!! Thats GREAT!!! Keep doing it.