obsessive thinking and relationships. WHAT A WONDERFUL COMBINATION!

BRVA · Post by **BRVA** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 1:35 am

Well I've kind of hit a wall again. For the first 3 months I would have the anxiety and depression but when I would be with my girlfriend, I could somewhat turn it off and I could think of her and it would be ok. Now even she really isn't causing me the joy I had. I was prescribed Wellbutrin, which I think will help, and doesn't have the bad side effects. It just stinks because I feel myself getting almost angry that I can't even get excited about her anymore so there really isn't a release of happiness. This is making me question the whole relationship even more now. I've also noticed my level of motivation and caring has gone down considerably.

One thing my first therapist did say was, not to make decisions when you are in a state of depression. She compared the depressed mind to a house she saw in England. She saw this house that was about 10 feet off it's base and leaning to the right. She said that's how your mind is when you're depressed. You are trying to think logically with the thing that is causing you problems to begin with.

I guess what I'm trying to get off my chest, is that I know I put a lot of pressure on myself about relationships, obviously from my past, but when you find someone that is just so great they are worth fighting for. I just hate I can't even get bursts of excitement like I did the first three months of my depression. I think I need to let this medicine run it's course and continue with counseling. I just don't want to lose this good girl.

09lkv · Post by **09lkv** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 11:16 am

Believe it or not I'm pretty sure I went through this too. My explanation is that the very beginning of a relationship is the euphoric "in-love" stage, kind of like an obsession. This stage is very nice when its happening but eventually it goes away. It's only natural to lose that "exciting feeling." It's only after that stage has run its course that you can begin to really know the other person and care for them in a deeper manner, at least that's my opinion.

I also agree 100% with what your therapist said. My mom told me the same thing. Being depressed definitely distorts your thoughts.

I think the conclusion you came to is right on track. Just give it some time and go from there

Too-nice · Post by **Too-nice** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 3:01 am

As weird as it may sound, I really find comfort in this post/replies. Just knowing I'm not alone makes a world of differnce. These topics are hard to talk about. Even more so when the topic is about the ones we love. For the longest

BRVA · Post by **BRVA** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:47 am

I have had a difficult time the past week or two. My girlfriend has been on vacation and I have started to take Wellbutrin. I started at 150mg and tomorrow I start at 300mg. I haven't really felt anything. I know I need to give it time but it is just so awful when you can't get excited about anything and feel depressed all the time. Getting out of bed was a hassle today. I try and think about her and can't even get the bursts of joy like I used to. That makes me question things even more. I hope this increase in dose will help. Also, I feel awful I'm not as normally excited as I would be being that she's been gone for over a week and she'll be home soon. I hate it! I want to feel normal happy go lucky again. I am seeing a new male psychiatrist next Thursday who is supposidly the best in the city. I just try and find optimism and I can't. It's like there are black clouds over my eyes that won't go away. I have never in my life had feeling like this. I am so outgoing and friendly to everbody. I am such an optimistic person and usually just roll with the punches.

I just want to get back to the way my happy life was 4 months ago. In the meantime I don't want this depression and anxiety to possibly push away a wonderful girl who I have feelings for. I'm feeling hopeless.

Steph2u17 · Post by **Steph2u17** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:21 am

I need some advice, i just recently reconnected with a long lost love and everything is great between us. But, as of late my anxiety has flared up and i have some obesseve thoughts pertaining to our relationships. We are currently in a long distance relationship which doesnt help matters, but he is a great guy and i really do love him endlessly. But, i cant shake my obesseve thoughts in regards to my relationship like he is going to leave me for someone else cause im messed up in the head, i cant get my mind right, and i battle depression. I just cant stop beating myself up over my flaws and fear he wont wanna be with me if he knew what went through my mind on a daily bases. I need some advice.

BRVA · Post by **BRVA** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 7:37 am

Do you think spending less time together will help my situation? We do spend every night together and usually meet up every day after work. I think part of it may be I know I like this girl but I am maybe experiencing too much of a good thing. I guess I have rushed it a little bit.

It just stinks though because I usually feel worse when I am away. I will question even more and feel down. When i see her I fell better again. I just think it sucks I didn't have these problems when I dated the last girl and we had very little in common and she was not even half the girl my new girlfriend is. It's been 4 1/2 months now and I am pretty worn.

I tend to have the "all or nothing" attitude with relationships. It's either fully invested spending all my time with that person and feeling completely in love or running around with different girls living the single life to the max. It would be nice to have a happy medium.

BRVA · Post by **BRVA** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 7:48 am

Originally posted by Steph2u17:
I need some advice, i just recently reconnected with a long lost love and everything is great between us. But, as of late my anxiety has flared up and i have some obesseve thoughts pertaining to our relationships. We are currently in a long distance relationship which doesnt help matters, but he is a great guy and i really do love him endlessly. But, i cant shake my obesseve thoughts in regards to my relationship like he is going to leave me for someone else cause im messed up in the head, i cant get my mind right, and i battle depression. I just cant stop beating myself up over my flaws and fear he wont wanna be with me if he knew what went through my mind on a daily bases. I need some advice.

First off, don't worry about something until you know it's actually a problem. You need to communicate with your partner. Relationships are based on communication. Even if it hurts you need to talk about it. I am not saying go and tell him everything every time you feel bad, but when you feel you need to get something out there, talk to him about it. If he pushes you away then he's the wrong guy.

I know what it's like to have those thoughts. I have them all the time. It's awful I know. I currently am getting help from a good therapist right now. I also take Wellbutrin. I would reccommend a similar pattern. Also, quit beating yourself up so much. You need help with self-esteem. Go and do something for you. Relationships are wonderful but they shouldn't define someone.

Most importantly, learn to relax and exercise. I reccomend running or some intense cardio a couple of times a week. It will help.

Hope this helps!

recordwoman · Post by **recordwoman** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:15 am

I can so relate to this! I thought I was the only person with this issue as well. I am also in a great relationship and I seem to have scary thoughts petaining to breaking up with him, my feelings for him, etc... I read once that people with anxiety have anxiety about the things most important to them. I know that I should use this as an indication of how strong my feelings are for him but the scary thoughts win out. I am definitely going to follow the advice of one of the other posters and replace any scary thoughts with happy ones. I've been keeping a journal of daily happy things that happen with my boyfriend and when I am having a worry session I reread what I wrote.

09lkv · Post by **09lkv** » Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:42 am

I've been having another relapse with my anxiety. I've been in a very good relationship for about seven months. The longest relationship I've been in lasted nine. I just keep having really scary thoughts about why we might/should break up. But I so badly DO NOT want to break up with this boy, and I get anxiety just thinking about it. I'll give more details later. Thanks!