obsessive thinking and relationships. WHAT A WONDERFUL COMBINATION!
Wow thanks for responding all. This sounds kind of silly, but this page right here has helped me so much. It's helped me so much in the way that I now know that I'm not alone and that there is hope at the other end. I hope to keep in touch with all of you for support as I (and others) go through this trial. Again thanks to everyone whose posted here
Actually while I'm on here, I'd really like to share my situation with anyone who will listen. I know this may be irrelevent to some, but it was really make me feel better to get my whole story out to someone, anyone.
Ok, I didn't start dating till I was 17. My first two relationships were flings/flops but I put so much of myself into each one that it hurt so badly when each of the relationships ended.
After I finally got over my second relationship (it took a few months), I learned to be happy being single again. However, I was still always keeping my eye out for a guy.
I remained single for about three months and then I began dating this guy who is a year and a half younger than me. He seemed perfect to me, and what we had stayed good for a long time, at least longer than the other ones did. I started dating him in August and things remained well until around January. At this point, I now know that he had lost his romantic feelings towards me, however he didn't tell me that, and the relationship drug on as we both became more frustrated with each other.
I'm an extremely emotional person and fight depression, and I think that's what drove this guy away from me. At the tail end of the relationship, I had a really bad anxiety episode. I was sobbing and couldn't control my breathing. It was horrible. My mom took me to a local crisis center, where I did eventually calm down enough to be able to handle myself.
My relationship ended a few days later. I was absolutely devastated. I was so depressed that all I really did was lay around and sleep, except while I was at school. Oh yeah, and I had to go to school everyday and see this guy everyday, which made things even worse.
I was blindly in love with this guy, so blind that I didn't even realize how badly he treated me. After a little while, I finally did realize it.
Well, another thing that was bad was I was dumped a week and a half before prom. I had my dress and everything, but I knew that even though the guy had offered for us to go as friends there was no way I could do it; it would have been just too painful.
A few days after the breakup, I went to my cousin's promenade in another town. Somehow, i got the idea that maybe I could find another date to prom. To make a long story short, I ended up skipping my senior prom to go to a band concert.
Now while thinking of guys to ask to prom, this certain guy popped into my head for no particular reason. I had met him two years earlier, but hadn't seen or talked to him since. I barely knew him, but he invited me to come see his band after he told me he couldn't take me to prom. I agreed.
Now I am a woman of faith and I don't believe in coincidence; I think everything that happens is a part of God's plan. This young man to whose band concert I went to has turned out to be everything I have ever looked for in a man, and he loves me. I believe I love him as well, but this is where the anxiety comes in. I keep thinking "what if i don't really like him?" or "am i supposed to feel some certain way about him?" It is extremely frustrating and i have been struggling with it for a few months now. The though of leaving him makes me feel sick inside, not only because I don't want him to go but because I could not bear to break his heart. It's just one big horrible OCD mess.
I think that these problems are chiefly a result of the hurt from the preceding eight month relationship.
I think I will try to use the positive thinking technique that clearsky27 suggested, and I hope it works. Anyway, thanks to anyone who listened. Sry I wrote a book, but it feels so much better to get iot all off my chest.
Ok, I didn't start dating till I was 17. My first two relationships were flings/flops but I put so much of myself into each one that it hurt so badly when each of the relationships ended.
After I finally got over my second relationship (it took a few months), I learned to be happy being single again. However, I was still always keeping my eye out for a guy.
I remained single for about three months and then I began dating this guy who is a year and a half younger than me. He seemed perfect to me, and what we had stayed good for a long time, at least longer than the other ones did. I started dating him in August and things remained well until around January. At this point, I now know that he had lost his romantic feelings towards me, however he didn't tell me that, and the relationship drug on as we both became more frustrated with each other.
I'm an extremely emotional person and fight depression, and I think that's what drove this guy away from me. At the tail end of the relationship, I had a really bad anxiety episode. I was sobbing and couldn't control my breathing. It was horrible. My mom took me to a local crisis center, where I did eventually calm down enough to be able to handle myself.
My relationship ended a few days later. I was absolutely devastated. I was so depressed that all I really did was lay around and sleep, except while I was at school. Oh yeah, and I had to go to school everyday and see this guy everyday, which made things even worse.
I was blindly in love with this guy, so blind that I didn't even realize how badly he treated me. After a little while, I finally did realize it.
Well, another thing that was bad was I was dumped a week and a half before prom. I had my dress and everything, but I knew that even though the guy had offered for us to go as friends there was no way I could do it; it would have been just too painful.
A few days after the breakup, I went to my cousin's promenade in another town. Somehow, i got the idea that maybe I could find another date to prom. To make a long story short, I ended up skipping my senior prom to go to a band concert.
Now while thinking of guys to ask to prom, this certain guy popped into my head for no particular reason. I had met him two years earlier, but hadn't seen or talked to him since. I barely knew him, but he invited me to come see his band after he told me he couldn't take me to prom. I agreed.
Now I am a woman of faith and I don't believe in coincidence; I think everything that happens is a part of God's plan. This young man to whose band concert I went to has turned out to be everything I have ever looked for in a man, and he loves me. I believe I love him as well, but this is where the anxiety comes in. I keep thinking "what if i don't really like him?" or "am i supposed to feel some certain way about him?" It is extremely frustrating and i have been struggling with it for a few months now. The though of leaving him makes me feel sick inside, not only because I don't want him to go but because I could not bear to break his heart. It's just one big horrible OCD mess.
I think that these problems are chiefly a result of the hurt from the preceding eight month relationship.
I think I will try to use the positive thinking technique that clearsky27 suggested, and I hope it works. Anyway, thanks to anyone who listened. Sry I wrote a book, but it feels so much better to get iot all off my chest.
i've been trying to reply to this post but it keeps cutting me off. anyway, you are not alone! Stress is a wonderful thing, isn't it! I struggle when things are going good but stressful. I sabotage my happiness all the time but it takes practice to stop the irrational thinking. Hang in there!! You are not alone. If you had no feeling about the thought then he might not be the one. If you are stressing over the thought then it's a sign you really care. We just turn it and twist it into something else.
PLEASE HELP WITH ADVICE OR SOME SORT OF REASSURANCE
I started dating this girl about 6 months ago. She has been wonderful. She is the coolest, sweetest, smartest, and most gorgeous girl I've ever met or especially dated. The first three months were great. We started spending a lot of time together and everything was perfect. Shortly after three months in I had a dream shge left. I woke up feeling down and after telling her about it, we laughed and went on with our day. The next morning I woke up and felt more down then I ever have before.
-----To back up, I was dating a girl for about 3 and 1/2 years in and out of college. She put tons of pressure on me about the future and we were close to marriage where she dumped me out of nowhere. This was a little over a year ago. I went out for about 9 months straight partying and looking for girls. I felt like I was over it after a week or two.-----
Going back to current, I constantly felt like,"Do I really like her? What are you doing in a relationship? Is she pressuring you? Of course I like her--are you crazy--but do you??" Over and over and over and over. It's been going on for 3 months. I even broke up with her and felt ten times worse. The thing is, she couldn't be more laid back, mature, non-pressuring, and fun---unlike my old girlfriend. I have started to feel the effects of depression now--which I have never had. I have loss of interest in everything and the past couple of days even more loss of interest with her.
Please help!
I started dating this girl about 6 months ago. She has been wonderful. She is the coolest, sweetest, smartest, and most gorgeous girl I've ever met or especially dated. The first three months were great. We started spending a lot of time together and everything was perfect. Shortly after three months in I had a dream shge left. I woke up feeling down and after telling her about it, we laughed and went on with our day. The next morning I woke up and felt more down then I ever have before.
-----To back up, I was dating a girl for about 3 and 1/2 years in and out of college. She put tons of pressure on me about the future and we were close to marriage where she dumped me out of nowhere. This was a little over a year ago. I went out for about 9 months straight partying and looking for girls. I felt like I was over it after a week or two.-----
Going back to current, I constantly felt like,"Do I really like her? What are you doing in a relationship? Is she pressuring you? Of course I like her--are you crazy--but do you??" Over and over and over and over. It's been going on for 3 months. I even broke up with her and felt ten times worse. The thing is, she couldn't be more laid back, mature, non-pressuring, and fun---unlike my old girlfriend. I have started to feel the effects of depression now--which I have never had. I have loss of interest in everything and the past couple of days even more loss of interest with her.
Please help!
In addition-----
I have been seeing a therapist and she mentioned codependency. She said I have started to rely on this girl(which isn't necessarily a bad thing) but you need to live your own life too.
Regardless, it has made me feel so down in the dumps I feel this way--how can someone I get along with so well and it feels so good, be ripped apart like this? Can't I just relax and date someone without ripping apart the relationship and thinking about the future all the damn time?
I was even prescribed Lexapro to get my positive thoughts back up and to help with anxiety. I hated the sexual side effects and it sketches me out to think about messing with my mind or long term effects. What if I go off and it worse? I don't know but I'm a mess right now. I normally am a very confident, outgoing, and happy person. What has happened to me? How do I get back on track?
I have been seeing a therapist and she mentioned codependency. She said I have started to rely on this girl(which isn't necessarily a bad thing) but you need to live your own life too.
Regardless, it has made me feel so down in the dumps I feel this way--how can someone I get along with so well and it feels so good, be ripped apart like this? Can't I just relax and date someone without ripping apart the relationship and thinking about the future all the damn time?
I was even prescribed Lexapro to get my positive thoughts back up and to help with anxiety. I hated the sexual side effects and it sketches me out to think about messing with my mind or long term effects. What if I go off and it worse? I don't know but I'm a mess right now. I normally am a very confident, outgoing, and happy person. What has happened to me? How do I get back on track?
Hey there. I read your post and it sounds all too familiar to me. I have struggled and sometimes still do with the anxiety about relationships. But first off I want to let you know that you are not alone! That in itself can give some peace of mind. I know it did me.
Anyhow, the codependency thing sounds familiar too. I think I struggle with that. And it seems like the other person couldn't be more right for you correct? And that you can't stop obsessing over things? Yes, this is exactly what I went through. Well, here's what happened with me.
I too was on Lexapro for a long time, but then it suddenly wasn't enough and I began to suffer from terrible depression and anxiety. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a few years now, and I attempted to go on Pristiq, which didn't work out too well. Finally, I was put on Abilify, and it seems to have worked for me. I have also started eating healthier, and I believe that has played a role as well. It did taske a few hard weeks for everything to really start to feel better. Yes it was rough but definitely worth it.
If you don't see an actual psychiatrist, I strongly suggest that you do. They know how brain chemicals and everything works to cause problems with anxiety and depression so thery really know their stuff. In the meantime, the best thing you can do is just try to keep yourself busy if possible. I know when people always say "just relax" it is frustrating because sometimes you just don't know how, but hang in there. Things will get better, I promise.
Anyhow, the codependency thing sounds familiar too. I think I struggle with that. And it seems like the other person couldn't be more right for you correct? And that you can't stop obsessing over things? Yes, this is exactly what I went through. Well, here's what happened with me.
I too was on Lexapro for a long time, but then it suddenly wasn't enough and I began to suffer from terrible depression and anxiety. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a few years now, and I attempted to go on Pristiq, which didn't work out too well. Finally, I was put on Abilify, and it seems to have worked for me. I have also started eating healthier, and I believe that has played a role as well. It did taske a few hard weeks for everything to really start to feel better. Yes it was rough but definitely worth it.
If you don't see an actual psychiatrist, I strongly suggest that you do. They know how brain chemicals and everything works to cause problems with anxiety and depression so thery really know their stuff. In the meantime, the best thing you can do is just try to keep yourself busy if possible. I know when people always say "just relax" it is frustrating because sometimes you just don't know how, but hang in there. Things will get better, I promise.
Thank you for the response. I have kind of begun to feel numb. I can't even really get excited about much at all anymore. For most of this time I could kind of turn it off when she came around. The past couple of days I am even numb towards her.
About realtionships, any advice or hope? I am switching therapists to a male, i think that will help--she actually recommended that and I am seeing a Doctor tomorrow to have some medication recommendations. I just hate the idea of taking medicine. I'm worried I'll rely on it, or it will change me for the worse.
The main thing is beyond having some anxiety when my parents got divorced when I was 5 or 6, I have never experienced depression or prolonged anxiety like this. I don't think just breaking up with this great girl will help either. I felt worse when i did that. I think I need to evaluate the way I look at relationships.
About realtionships, any advice or hope? I am switching therapists to a male, i think that will help--she actually recommended that and I am seeing a Doctor tomorrow to have some medication recommendations. I just hate the idea of taking medicine. I'm worried I'll rely on it, or it will change me for the worse.
The main thing is beyond having some anxiety when my parents got divorced when I was 5 or 6, I have never experienced depression or prolonged anxiety like this. I don't think just breaking up with this great girl will help either. I felt worse when i did that. I think I need to evaluate the way I look at relationships.
I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel "numb." I've been there. It's definitely not a fun place to be. I felt like life would never be fun anymore, but I got out of it and I know you can too.
As far as relationships go, just remember that there are no rules as to how things "have to be." In my opinion, as long as both people enjoy and accept each other as they are, then that's a good arrangement. In reference to long term, you don't have to have things all figured out. That's life; you never know what might happen.
From what I'm hearing, I'm pretty sure that this girl is not the problem; it's the anxiety/depression. So don't worry too much about her. If she's willing to hang in there for you now, then I'd say you've got a good catch
I'm no professional, and everything I've said is just my opinion. But it looks like you're getting good help. Also, I cannot stress enough the importance of healthy eating and exercising. I struggle with the latter most, but it really can make a difference.
I know it's easy for me to say it will get better, but take it from someone who's been where you are. I hope things get better soon and wish you luck
As far as relationships go, just remember that there are no rules as to how things "have to be." In my opinion, as long as both people enjoy and accept each other as they are, then that's a good arrangement. In reference to long term, you don't have to have things all figured out. That's life; you never know what might happen.
From what I'm hearing, I'm pretty sure that this girl is not the problem; it's the anxiety/depression. So don't worry too much about her. If she's willing to hang in there for you now, then I'd say you've got a good catch
I'm no professional, and everything I've said is just my opinion. But it looks like you're getting good help. Also, I cannot stress enough the importance of healthy eating and exercising. I struggle with the latter most, but it really can make a difference.
I know it's easy for me to say it will get better, but take it from someone who's been where you are. I hope things get better soon and wish you luck
Well I've kind of hit a wall again. For the first 3 months I would have the anxiety and depression but when I would be with my girlfriend, I could somewhat turn it off and I could think of her and it would be ok. Now even she really isn't causing me the joy I had. I was prescribed Wellbutrin, which I think will help, and doesn't have the bad side effects. It just stinks because I feel myself getting almost angry that I can't even get excited about her anymore so there really isn't a release of happiness. This is making me question the whole relationship even more now. I've also noticed my level of motivation and caring has gone down considerably.
One thing my first therapist did say was, not to make decisions when you are in a state of depression. She compared the depressed mind to a house she saw in England. She saw this house that was about 10 feet off it's base and leaning to the right. She said that's how your mind is when you're depressed. You are trying to think logically with the thing that is causing you problems to begin with.
I guess what I'm trying to get off my chest, is that I know I put a lot of pressure on myself about relationships, obviously from my past, but when you find someone that is just so great they are worth fighting for. I just hate I can't even get bursts of excitement like I did the first three months of my depression. I think I need to let this medicine run it's course and continue with counseling. I just don't want to lose this good girl.
One thing my first therapist did say was, not to make decisions when you are in a state of depression. She compared the depressed mind to a house she saw in England. She saw this house that was about 10 feet off it's base and leaning to the right. She said that's how your mind is when you're depressed. You are trying to think logically with the thing that is causing you problems to begin with.
I guess what I'm trying to get off my chest, is that I know I put a lot of pressure on myself about relationships, obviously from my past, but when you find someone that is just so great they are worth fighting for. I just hate I can't even get bursts of excitement like I did the first three months of my depression. I think I need to let this medicine run it's course and continue with counseling. I just don't want to lose this good girl.