Since I had my children my worst obsessive thoughts surround my dying, my dying while my young children are in the house, or my kids getting hurt or dying. I've been recovering (completed the program) for nearly a year and I still get trapped in these cycles of terror.
Every weird pain in my body (and the older I get the more there are) I freak out. I'm so scared I will leave my children.
I want to break out of this cycle. I MUST. I'm doing so well with every other aspect of the program, but I simply cannot convince myself that I'm not going to just keel over at any moment.
The thing is, you really can't guarantee that I'm NOT, you know? I've had EKGs, blood tests, blah blah, yeah I'm fine. Except I'm VERY overweight (recently lost 20 lbs though!) and things happen to people every day. I want someone to tell me definitively, NO, you're going to be FINE (health wise). I guess I can't have that. So what should I do? How do I convince myself of something I don't believe to be true? It's such a deeply held belief.
Feeling like I'll die or my kids will die
you ARE going to be fine as long as you keep your head up. I believe that positive thinking will bring positive results. maybe you should revisit the program for some add'l assistance, but congrats on losing 20 pounds! that right there shows that you are moving in the right direction! with a little more work, you will notice that these feelings will go away. smile, you are a good person that deserves to be on this planet for many years to come.
ATTITUDE -- The mind is like a parachute...it doesn't work unless it's open!!
-
spedteacher
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:50 pm
Just because you have completed the program, Rose, does not mean you stop doing the exercises. You want to create a new habit for yourself. It's important to redo the program until it is second nature to you. The brain needs to hear things at least 8 times. It's stubborn.
Thoughts are not a call to action, Rose. They are just thoughts. Air.
Redo the program. Focus on writing a worst case scenerio. Write for 20 minutes. Don't try to sugar coat it. Write your worst case. How would you die. How would your children die. Don't try to fix anything. Then read this scenerio for 45 minutes a day until you are no longer affected by it. This exercise works. I am not saying it is easy. It isn't. However, it is worth the pains that you feel to go through this. Peace will come.
Thoughts are not a call to action, Rose. They are just thoughts. Air.
Redo the program. Focus on writing a worst case scenerio. Write for 20 minutes. Don't try to sugar coat it. Write your worst case. How would you die. How would your children die. Don't try to fix anything. Then read this scenerio for 45 minutes a day until you are no longer affected by it. This exercise works. I am not saying it is easy. It isn't. However, it is worth the pains that you feel to go through this. Peace will come.
"Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today!"~Jonathan Larson
www.myspace.com/erinberens
www.myspace.com/erinberens
-
Guest
Hi Rose... I've had those "I'm gonna die any minute" feelings too. Just keep telling yourself that "this too shall pass". I was at the point where I was thinking... HECK, just die now and get it over with! I am so tired of thinking about it!
My father died suddenly of a heart attack this year and I was so sure it was happening to me also. I felt that way for about a month and then I started doing this program. I had many tests at the Dr office too. But if your tests show clear then YOU ARE FINE. And if you really do have some rare disease then the symptoms don't just magically go away when you stop thinking about it. I knew I was really fine when I could play a game online and forget all about my symptoms. I felt fine when I woke up in the morning but at night was when I felt strange things in my head & chest. They were all mental and I'll bet yours are too. I don't have anymore physical symptoms... so you can make it there too!
I'm still in depression mode but I'm over thinking I'm dying. And you know what? As soon as I changed my thoughts about dying through the program the physical symptoms totally went away. But I bought a lot of life insurance during that period of time! You can make yourself feel a little better by getting some insurance for your family and have a will drawn up (or do an online form and have it notarized). That helped me calm down during those spells.
The best way to take care of yourself now is to lose some more weight and re-do the program. I'm overweight too so I do understand. They say that losing even 10% of our body weight will help tremendously. I've lost about 15 pounds myself! We have to give ourselves a pat on the back for our accomplishments! I joined a jazzercise class and I also walk with my husband. You can take your kids for a walk, go play in the park or take them swimming and actually swim yourself.
What others wrote above will also help. Go ahead and allow yourself to think about dying and your kids dying. Don't shut the thoughts out. Play it all the way through in your head. The more you allow yourself to "go there" the less scary it will be. And when you no longer fear it, the thoughts won't come back very much. If they still do pop up occasionally, you can tell yourself you have other positive things to think about like dropping your child off at college someday, or day dreaming about Christmas morning, stuff llike that. Ok?
Best of luck!!
My father died suddenly of a heart attack this year and I was so sure it was happening to me also. I felt that way for about a month and then I started doing this program. I had many tests at the Dr office too. But if your tests show clear then YOU ARE FINE. And if you really do have some rare disease then the symptoms don't just magically go away when you stop thinking about it. I knew I was really fine when I could play a game online and forget all about my symptoms. I felt fine when I woke up in the morning but at night was when I felt strange things in my head & chest. They were all mental and I'll bet yours are too. I don't have anymore physical symptoms... so you can make it there too!
I'm still in depression mode but I'm over thinking I'm dying. And you know what? As soon as I changed my thoughts about dying through the program the physical symptoms totally went away. But I bought a lot of life insurance during that period of time! You can make yourself feel a little better by getting some insurance for your family and have a will drawn up (or do an online form and have it notarized). That helped me calm down during those spells.
The best way to take care of yourself now is to lose some more weight and re-do the program. I'm overweight too so I do understand. They say that losing even 10% of our body weight will help tremendously. I've lost about 15 pounds myself! We have to give ourselves a pat on the back for our accomplishments! I joined a jazzercise class and I also walk with my husband. You can take your kids for a walk, go play in the park or take them swimming and actually swim yourself.
What others wrote above will also help. Go ahead and allow yourself to think about dying and your kids dying. Don't shut the thoughts out. Play it all the way through in your head. The more you allow yourself to "go there" the less scary it will be. And when you no longer fear it, the thoughts won't come back very much. If they still do pop up occasionally, you can tell yourself you have other positive things to think about like dropping your child off at college someday, or day dreaming about Christmas morning, stuff llike that. Ok?
Best of luck!!
Thank you all. And MaxCat you're totally right, my symptoms wouldn't just disappear if they weren't anxiety. But every time I have body symptoms that go away, it's a little easier to remember that they DO go away.
I also do need to redo the program. I have all the CDs but the workbook I loaned to someone, and I think I might need it back.
My eldest is starting Kindergarten on Tuesday. I'm having a lot of feelings!!! Lots of stress, etc. And, you know, I HAD to sign up as room mother so I could have some semblance of "control". But, it's ok, I really do enjoy being the room parent, I did it for preschool as well.
I'm taking it easy though, very aware of my "frazzle-meter" and I'm teaching my kids to refer to it. I won't take on more than I can handle!
I guess my worst fear is that 1. "this is the time it's not anxiety!". KWIM? Like "here I come elizabeth"!! And the other one *really* is that I will get hurt/pass out/die when my children are alone with me in the house and they will be scared and not know what to do.
I spent so many days of my life terrified of being home alone with my daughter. We used to go to the mall just so I could be around people who could help her if I keeled over. I sort of have reverse agoraphobia I guess? Now it's happening again because she (who is old enough to call 911) will be going to school all day and my 3 year old will be home alone with me.
But I don't want to get worked up. That's whats bothering me now. Thanks for listening.
I also do need to redo the program. I have all the CDs but the workbook I loaned to someone, and I think I might need it back.
My eldest is starting Kindergarten on Tuesday. I'm having a lot of feelings!!! Lots of stress, etc. And, you know, I HAD to sign up as room mother so I could have some semblance of "control". But, it's ok, I really do enjoy being the room parent, I did it for preschool as well.
I'm taking it easy though, very aware of my "frazzle-meter" and I'm teaching my kids to refer to it. I won't take on more than I can handle!
I guess my worst fear is that 1. "this is the time it's not anxiety!". KWIM? Like "here I come elizabeth"!! And the other one *really* is that I will get hurt/pass out/die when my children are alone with me in the house and they will be scared and not know what to do.
I spent so many days of my life terrified of being home alone with my daughter. We used to go to the mall just so I could be around people who could help her if I keeled over. I sort of have reverse agoraphobia I guess? Now it's happening again because she (who is old enough to call 911) will be going to school all day and my 3 year old will be home alone with me.
But I don't want to get worked up. That's whats bothering me now. Thanks for listening.