old obsession back

mack · Post by **mack** » Fri May 16, 2008 7:15 pm

I've been dealing with these OST's for about six years now. Recently an old one has returned. I've somehow told myself that when I hear music I'm going to be in my head and I subsequently think and have the fear that I'm not going to be able to enjoy music again. I find this obsession difficult because it seems that I am acting on my obsession. Unlike everyone here says I wont do. I'm recently finishing college and thinking about moving and I now that this stress helps bring these thoughts on more, and believe me I have a whole list of OST's. Ive really been working on acceptance techniques from Claire Week's book Peace From Nervous Suffering. I have to say that this is very difficult for me. It's almost counter-intuitive and trying to float freely through thoughts I hate has caused more anxiety. I know it takes work to get better, but I'm at one of those places where I don't feel like I can get better. Just so tired of having to think about my thoughts all the time. Hope everyone is doing well.

Martin70 · Post by **Martin70** » Fri May 16, 2008 8:10 pm

Hi Mack,
I know what you mean about the OST's. I too find "floating" with it is absolutely not effective for me. Some people say they are able to just "focus" on something else. I'd like to know how they are able to do that. The only thing that has helped me is to say 2 or 3 affirmations that I WANT to be and feel over and over and over and over again. Today I was so anxious with worry and obsessive thinking I was coming out of my skin.
I started repeating these 3 phrases:
"My body and mind are calm and relaxed"
"My heart is filled with joy and love"
"My thoughts are pleasant, peaceful, and gentle"

Seriously, I probably repeated these over 500 times today! It was the only way I could at least interrupt the spiral thinking. It's not easy at first cause none of the thoughts "feel" real. After 15 minutes or so, the thought's are easier to say because the repetition has kicked in.
I think it's good to choose your own affirmations that are want you want. At first I write them down and read them until they are completely memorized. This was you don't have to try to remember what to say.

THis is something that has helped me break up the visious cycle of chatter.
If you have any techniques that help you, I'd love to hear them.

Take care,
martin

mack · Post by **mack** » Thu May 22, 2008 3:14 pm

I guess my music obsession is too boring for everyone on here. I hoped to get some feedback because this is severely depressing me. Guess since i'm not obsessing about killing my children or molesting a child my obsession doesn't count. I assure everyone that music is as important to me as your children are to you. Thanks for nothing. You're all just like the therapists i've seen. Baffled! I guess it is true that the only one I can rely on is myself.

Freckles · Post by **Freckles** » Thu May 22, 2008 3:37 pm

Mack-after reading your post I felt you needed to hear from someone. I'm sorry I can't help your problem, I'm pretty new to all this. I found that the therapists I saw weren't much help either but we can't give up on getting better. Don't give up on people, there is alot of good folks out there. I believe that your problems are as hurtful to you as the next guys. Chin up.

MichaelP · Post by **MichaelP** » Thu May 22, 2008 4:35 pm

Hey Mack, is it certain types of music that sets you off? I think I may have had some similar experiences with music?? It was something I really struggled with for a long time. I still dont listen to music like I used too, but I'm definately better. If what your thinking/feeling is something like what I've dealt with, maybe I can help...a little??

mack · Post by **mack** » Thu May 22, 2008 5:53 pm

No certain music, just music in general. I've basically convinced myself that when I listen to music (which I normally love tremendously) I won't be able to enjoy it. I'll be stuck in my head and totally aware that listening to music will never be what it was to me. I can't just sit back and enjoy it like i always do. The funny thing is I've had this obsession before and it's faded, but as you know when it's happening it feels like it will never go away. I try working on accepting the thoughts and telling myself that they are just thoughts, but the mere fact that I have to do this just depresses me more. I haven't been this scared of my obsessions in a while. They have pretty much been there constantly for the last six years, but certain ones just effect me more. LIke this latest one about music. I love music. It's a very spiritual part of my life and the thought of not having that in my life has me snowballing downward. I'm afraid to share these things with my family because I have sunk very low before and I saw how awful it made them feel. I don't want to burden them with my problem. I'm really struggling and I haven't cried like this in a long time. I'm so sick of this condition.

MichaelP · Post by **MichaelP** » Fri May 23, 2008 5:12 am

I know what your mean...I have had similar problems with music. What I started doing was trying to listen to more relaxing sounds or new age. At first It really caused alot of anxiety for me because I couldnt listen to all the bands that I really love and thought I was going insane. It was a downward spiral at first for me as well. I dont know if the music reminded me of old feelings, or brought me back to stressful times. I just couldnt listen anymore. With the relaxing stuff, at first, I would think too much - but if I was doing something else and listening at the same time, I gradually started getting used to it. I started putting some mellow stuff on at night to fall asleep too. Beleive me, I didnt find the right things right away...I ended up going to the library pulling everything they had for relaxing and new age CD's every week and only found a couple that were "good enough". I also started listening to more mellow or uplifting types of music...a couple of my favorites now are Norah Jones and Corrine Bailey Rae if I'm feeling anxious or depressed. It actual helps calm me down now instead of working the oppisite like it used too. A complete flip for me because I'd just been listening to alot of hard rock ie. Godsmack, Disturbed, Led Zeppelin, Counting Crows, Janes Addiction, OH and shiiiit loads of Pink Floyd. Pink Floyd caused an entire set of mind junk that I thought I'd never listen to again. The good news is I'm able to listen to some of those bands again, not as often, and only when I'm in the mood. Some can still bring back a hint of those old feelings. In that case, I'd casually change it and put on something that I know feels good...Sometimes it's just sports radio

If I can offer some advice, search for something different, something new, something happy. I think that music has either a horrific way or beautiful way to take us back. It'd probably be stressful at first, but dont just sit and listen...do other things so your focus isnt just on the music. This is what helped me and I think it'll help you too

I truly believe that you'll get there...you'll be able to sit back and just enjoy again. It may help turn you on to some new things too. Let me know how you progress or find an artist that just seems to put a smile on your face again.

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Fri May 23, 2008 7:00 am

It's not the music obsession that is bothering you, Mack. It's the feelings you get about it that are bothering you and dragging you down. Try to understand this. Your reaction is the only problem. You can get over this obsession and another will follow because that is the nature of obsessive thinking. You must feel the discomfort and learn to become friends with your feelings. Otherwise, every obsession that crosses your mind will control your emotions. Don't give a hoot one way or the other and the obession will stop.

Practice observing. Practice allowing those sensations that bother you so. Welcome them in. Play music over and over until you no longer are run by your feelings.

Right now you are in your head. Get out of it by focusing on the music being played. Or while you have the music on focus on things around the room. Focus on your breathing in and out. Get out of your head and allow. Don't describe anything, don't judge it, don't criticize it. Just watch. Your opinion of this situation will lose its power, and if it returns again later on down the road. You won't care. It will leave alot faster because of all your hard work.

mack · Post by **mack** » Fri May 23, 2008 7:36 am

Thanks so much Michael and Boon for your replies. I had a real bad day yesterday and I needed to hear from some people who understand. Michael, (by the way my name is Michael too) I too enjoy alot of the same music you do and have recently got into Coline Bailey Rae and Norah Jones and I'll give your ideas some tries. Boon, you nailed on the head what I've known for so long, but sometimes I just don't want to accept that I have to do things (work) at enjoying things that just came to me naturally. I'm bewildered by my condition and I just didn't want to face what I have to do to deal with it. It does help so much to hear what I've learned from someone else though. I know its my reactions and i definately know that a new obsession will replace this one. I guess I finally got to one thats just sticking more than the latest. Like I said I've had this obsession before and it has subsided, but when you're in the middle of it, it feels like life will never be peaceful again. My thoughts go out to you and yours Michael and Boon. Thanks so much for your replies and I hope you are both doing well and peace is with you as you read this.

sunnyweather · Post by **sunnyweather** » Sat May 24, 2008 7:05 am

HEy there Mack- well you've already got some great advice from the posts above so hthere's not much I can add but I do understand where you're coming from- I've had some obsessions that were "weird" or "silly" and I felt exasperated even trying to describe them to the ones I love! But for me the most important this is still to remember that life is an ebb and flow of hard days and better days. I try to see my emotions as the waves on an ocean- just a particular feeling at that place in time given the circumstances (so when I'm feeling particularly low and hopeless I can recognize just because I feel that there is no hope out ther, doesn't mean that has any truth at all for my life.) I am the ocean itself, ebbing and flowing with te movements of the ocean but aware that the hard times AND good times where logic and reason can again help me see my thoughts fo what they are. I try to no longer attach SO MUCH of myself with how I'm feeling that day or what I'm htinking or what I'm feeling. It is all about acceptance, and right now, it probably doesn't seem like you can accept anything difficult right now, but just the mere fact that you are ready for change and can see the biggr picture (practice this in meditation!) you are on the right path.

Don't get discourage..no emotion is ever going to last "forever", just as no wave ever stays in the same spot in the ocean. We are ever-changing, learning, understanding our ways- just the fact that ou are out on this board asking for constructive help speaks huge volumes. That's tde first step- and we might need to take it over and over again- that's ok

I hope that made some sense- I just wanted to let you know I too have been discouraged and down inthe past but then I recognized good times ebb and flow too, so must the hard and difficult. We are all on the right path!