I started the program back in February but have really been focusing on week 10 (even though I am on week 12) because this is the root of my problem.
It all started when I had a panic attack just sitting on the couch at home one night. I coudn't figure out what was causing it and started trying to find answers. i thought it might be bc my wife and I had started talking about starting a family (which I now know I am clearly not ready for) that didn't seem to make sense. Then I started looking around online and saw that someone had wierd sexual thoughts. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but the very next week those started on top of the usual anxiety. I was sick to my stomach for weeks and couldn't seem to get control of them. then I went through a period where I had scary thoughts about the news, anything violent, and suicide. All of them scared me just the same, and they all went away except the one that started it all. I started to doubt my character and cried a lot about it - I don't understand why this is happening / what it means.
I have been on an antidepressant from the beginning and just switched to a different one three weeks ago.
Now the thoughts aren't really coming as often and I am trying to stop running from them, but the memory of them is still there. Will that ever go away? Will I be able to look at people the way I used to? This has been pure hell and I don't understand it - why my psyche chose that particular thing other than maybe the online thing I saw.
I don't have compulsions I just can't get this thought out of my head. I have a wonderful life with nothing to complain about. I hate that I am putting my wife and my family through all of this.
Has anyone been sucessful in ridding yourself of the thoughts completely? I need hope.
Obsessing: What do I do?
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Guest
jj - There is hope. You can cure from this. It's hard to believe sometimes but we are born predisposed to this condition. Sometimes it doesn't show itself until something major occurs in our lives and other times it is quite evident early on in life. Either way - IT IS CUREABLE.
Go to the Obessive topics - there are two of them - Fourth One down from the top and also Tape 10.
We are not our thoughts! Repeat that to yourself. We don't have control over what thoughts come into our head. We can, however, stop subsequent thoughts - with practice. Use thought stoppage. Shout STOP in your head or see a big red and white stop sign. Use your calm breath and then get your attention on something outside of yourself. Practice this.
But do read the other posts that I have suggested above. You'll get a lot of information from past posts. When you stop resisting the thoughts, they will stop bothering you. You'll hear less and less from them. Practice watching them come and go - like a passing cloud. Don't resist any of those thoughts. Just because the thoughts are coming from inside of you does not mean you are those thoughts. Soon - with your perseverance - the thoughts will no longer bother you. If one pops up from time to time you will just beable to dismiss it easily.
Go to the Obessive topics - there are two of them - Fourth One down from the top and also Tape 10.
We are not our thoughts! Repeat that to yourself. We don't have control over what thoughts come into our head. We can, however, stop subsequent thoughts - with practice. Use thought stoppage. Shout STOP in your head or see a big red and white stop sign. Use your calm breath and then get your attention on something outside of yourself. Practice this.
But do read the other posts that I have suggested above. You'll get a lot of information from past posts. When you stop resisting the thoughts, they will stop bothering you. You'll hear less and less from them. Practice watching them come and go - like a passing cloud. Don't resist any of those thoughts. Just because the thoughts are coming from inside of you does not mean you are those thoughts. Soon - with your perseverance - the thoughts will no longer bother you. If one pops up from time to time you will just beable to dismiss it easily.
Dear JJ
Know that you are not alone. We are highly sensitive to all that we encounter. Remember THOUGHTS ONLY THOUGHTS. I too have went thru something similiar and it did feel like a living hell. I avoid the news and scary weird movies and T.V. shows. Why fill our minds with the negative things, fill it with the good stuff. I'm very certain you are a wonderful, caring person because I know that I am. HEHE
This condition causes us to obsess on thoughts that are repulsive and bothersome to us. That's all it is, this condition, the anxiety disorder.
I know at this point for you it is difficult to do but try to make light of them. The less you let the thoughts torment you the sooner they will be gone. They are just silly thought and do not reflect who you are. It's just anxiety, It's NO BIG DEAL. The less we make of them the better off we are. Keep doing the program, review and practice. Tape 3 always helps me.
You will be fine. I'm Living Proof. I have been where you are and I am RECOVERED.
Your Friend
Angla
Know that you are not alone. We are highly sensitive to all that we encounter. Remember THOUGHTS ONLY THOUGHTS. I too have went thru something similiar and it did feel like a living hell. I avoid the news and scary weird movies and T.V. shows. Why fill our minds with the negative things, fill it with the good stuff. I'm very certain you are a wonderful, caring person because I know that I am. HEHE
This condition causes us to obsess on thoughts that are repulsive and bothersome to us. That's all it is, this condition, the anxiety disorder.
I know at this point for you it is difficult to do but try to make light of them. The less you let the thoughts torment you the sooner they will be gone. They are just silly thought and do not reflect who you are. It's just anxiety, It's NO BIG DEAL. The less we make of them the better off we are. Keep doing the program, review and practice. Tape 3 always helps me.
You will be fine. I'm Living Proof. I have been where you are and I am RECOVERED.
Your Friend
Angla
"If nothing ever changed...there would be no Butterflies." Author unknown
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Guest
I also have obcessive scary thoughts that I can't seem to get rid of and they are not about imagined things-they are about real things (like health or financial issues) but even when I go to experts -like doctors-who reassure me that all is well, I can't hear the positive things they are saying and think-well, what if they are wrong, and go over and over the conversations,etc in my mind a million times Even when others I trust assure me that all is well, I can't believe them
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Guest
Hi JJ.
Just wanted to say that I truly know what hell you're living through. Its my main thing too. I've actually allowed it to drive me crazy for years. I'm just now seeking help. I really thought I was crazy & called my character into question as well. I've been doing a lot of reading & I wanted to share with you two simplistic things I've recently heard & are helping me.
This is all emotional. The only reason we obsess on a thought (no matter where it came from) is because it bothers us tremendously that we could even think that. Its our emotional response that tries to get us to rationalize this occurance to ourselves & to understand ourselves. But what we end up doing is cycling through, Where did the thought come from, Why am I thinking it now, Guilt, & repeat (or something like that).... and that only fuels the thoughts more. If we can learn to shrug them off & most importantly not attach an emotional response to the thought, then we will be less bothered by it immediately & the thoghts will soon enough start to fade. (Honestly, I don't know how we'll ever forget the torment we've put ourselves through but we can hopefully stop doing it so we can forgive & forget as best as possible.)
The other thing I wanted to mention is something a therapist mentioned to me the other day (it was my first time meeting with one regarding this condition & it is going to be beneficial.) Okay...so, I was battering myself for the thoughts & how I let them control me & hermit-ness & she gently stopped me & said, "Hey. Its not your fault. Its the condition. Those are just like cold symptoms. If you had a runny nose, you wouldn't be kicking your yourself for it. Learn to be easier on yourself." So please understand what I'm saying is, its not your fault. Its just the way it has been. It will get better & better & better & better.
Good Luck!
Just wanted to say that I truly know what hell you're living through. Its my main thing too. I've actually allowed it to drive me crazy for years. I'm just now seeking help. I really thought I was crazy & called my character into question as well. I've been doing a lot of reading & I wanted to share with you two simplistic things I've recently heard & are helping me.
This is all emotional. The only reason we obsess on a thought (no matter where it came from) is because it bothers us tremendously that we could even think that. Its our emotional response that tries to get us to rationalize this occurance to ourselves & to understand ourselves. But what we end up doing is cycling through, Where did the thought come from, Why am I thinking it now, Guilt, & repeat (or something like that).... and that only fuels the thoughts more. If we can learn to shrug them off & most importantly not attach an emotional response to the thought, then we will be less bothered by it immediately & the thoghts will soon enough start to fade. (Honestly, I don't know how we'll ever forget the torment we've put ourselves through but we can hopefully stop doing it so we can forgive & forget as best as possible.)
The other thing I wanted to mention is something a therapist mentioned to me the other day (it was my first time meeting with one regarding this condition & it is going to be beneficial.) Okay...so, I was battering myself for the thoughts & how I let them control me & hermit-ness & she gently stopped me & said, "Hey. Its not your fault. Its the condition. Those are just like cold symptoms. If you had a runny nose, you wouldn't be kicking your yourself for it. Learn to be easier on yourself." So please understand what I'm saying is, its not your fault. Its just the way it has been. It will get better & better & better & better.
Good Luck!
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Guest
AMS -
The brain is a "show me" organ and no matter how many times you tell yourself that "all is well" (either by you or someone else) we just don't believe it.
Here is something that may help you to stop the worrying. It's called Worst Case Scenerio. At first one is afraid to do this for fear the actual thing will happen. Let me reassure you that it won't.
Write for 20 minutes a horrifying scenerio of what bothers you. Don't fix it. Don't try to make it go away. Just write the most awful things that you feel could happen. Read it daily for 45 minutes until you no longer get a "charge' from it. You are desensitizing and it will clear your head to help you make better decisions when it is necessary for you to do that. Use your breath work while you are reading. Notice your body's sensations but remember that they are safe for you to feel. If you get overly anxious at first. Stop for a few minutes until you calm down and go right back to reading again. Do this for 45 minutes a day until you can read it for 45 minutes a day without a break and without emotion.
The brain is a "show me" organ and no matter how many times you tell yourself that "all is well" (either by you or someone else) we just don't believe it.
Here is something that may help you to stop the worrying. It's called Worst Case Scenerio. At first one is afraid to do this for fear the actual thing will happen. Let me reassure you that it won't.
Write for 20 minutes a horrifying scenerio of what bothers you. Don't fix it. Don't try to make it go away. Just write the most awful things that you feel could happen. Read it daily for 45 minutes until you no longer get a "charge' from it. You are desensitizing and it will clear your head to help you make better decisions when it is necessary for you to do that. Use your breath work while you are reading. Notice your body's sensations but remember that they are safe for you to feel. If you get overly anxious at first. Stop for a few minutes until you calm down and go right back to reading again. Do this for 45 minutes a day until you can read it for 45 minutes a day without a break and without emotion.