I am totally freaking out. I am normally more in control than this. I think this is the worst day since I started the program. At least I'm not dealing with the depression like I used to, but I feel super nauseous, dizzy, stressed, and like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Relaxation breathing has not been helping so far...at least not noticeably. I feel like I can't draw in enough air on the inhale 2-count.
I ended a friendship today...and I'm afraid of the repercussions...and stressed about hurting someone's feelings. But I know that this was the right thing to do...I'm OK with the actual decision...it's the aftermath that is killing me.
Any advice would be helpful. I am feeling so...gone...feeble...stupid...weak...you name it...today.
Thanks,
Dawn
ANXIETY ALL TIME HIGH TODAY
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had enough
- Posts: 45
- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:39 pm
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Guest
Hi Dawn,
Ok girl, lets have a little reality check shall we? - first SLOW DOWN- stop living to far ahead! why the pressure? take it easy, live in the momment! next, the friend stress seems to be the trigger here, dont forget everything happens for a reason and gods faith will not lead you where he cannot protect you.. take the pressure and future thoughts off that whole situation, whats done is done and again, you are where you are supposed to be for a reason!
I know that feeling you have but keep trying to stay on the positive train, I picture two trains going parallel down the same tracks, one positive, one negative, I envision myself staying on the positive one or stopping both walking around from the negative to positive.. perhaps your relaxation cd will help with these feelings too? get yourself back in the momment!
I would suggest listening to session 3 and 4 again as these two really 'put you back in the right frame of mind..' also do something you enjoy today, take your mind off of it, write in your journal, exercise, push through! again, my suggestion is put on your favourite song and dance it off- the exercise produces good endorphines in the body and the dancing and smiling will change your mood! I am in full circle, I got the program and did amazing, fell down and am trying now to get back up! you will come around again! make sure you give yourself permission to have a couple bad days, seriously, tomorrow is a new day and everyday cant be great (we can sabotage our progress by focusing to much on the bad day we're having) just get through it, use your skills and you'll get back on the positive train!
Please keep in touch! you mean so much to all of us, we are here for you! go dance for me sister! best wishes today (I'll send a lunch prayer for you
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Ok girl, lets have a little reality check shall we? - first SLOW DOWN- stop living to far ahead! why the pressure? take it easy, live in the momment! next, the friend stress seems to be the trigger here, dont forget everything happens for a reason and gods faith will not lead you where he cannot protect you.. take the pressure and future thoughts off that whole situation, whats done is done and again, you are where you are supposed to be for a reason!
I know that feeling you have but keep trying to stay on the positive train, I picture two trains going parallel down the same tracks, one positive, one negative, I envision myself staying on the positive one or stopping both walking around from the negative to positive.. perhaps your relaxation cd will help with these feelings too? get yourself back in the momment!
I would suggest listening to session 3 and 4 again as these two really 'put you back in the right frame of mind..' also do something you enjoy today, take your mind off of it, write in your journal, exercise, push through! again, my suggestion is put on your favourite song and dance it off- the exercise produces good endorphines in the body and the dancing and smiling will change your mood! I am in full circle, I got the program and did amazing, fell down and am trying now to get back up! you will come around again! make sure you give yourself permission to have a couple bad days, seriously, tomorrow is a new day and everyday cant be great (we can sabotage our progress by focusing to much on the bad day we're having) just get through it, use your skills and you'll get back on the positive train!
Please keep in touch! you mean so much to all of us, we are here for you! go dance for me sister! best wishes today (I'll send a lunch prayer for you
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Guest
Hi Dawn,
I am so sorry about your difficult day. I am proud of you for making the right decision with the friendship, especially seeing what a hard thing that was for you to do. Good for you -- try to focus on the good thing that you did for your life.
It does sound like your anxiety is coming from hurting your friend's feelings, and the changes that may stem from this ... the fear of the unknown, perhaps?
I can SO relate to stressing out about someone else's feelings -- that is also when I get the most panicky. But I have realized through this program that what another person feels has nothing to do with my worth as a person. If another person is hurt, they need to deal with that hurt on their own. You don't need to take on that hurt too. Maybe you are feeling guilty for hurting this person, so you are taking on their hurt feelings to somehow punish yourself ... but be good to yourself, compassionate and sensitive and kind to yourself, proud of yourself for doing the right thing. Try to focus on those things.
Can you get out for a walk? Even if it's raining or cold? When I feel panicky and short of breath, and not able to do the relaxation breathing (like you describe), I put on my headphones and listen to Christian music and walk and walk. The music helps me change my focus onto God and all the things that are good and right.
And like Maeggie mentioned, try to accept the sadness and anxiety you are feeling right now ... it's okay to feel that way, it is human, especially after what a very brave thing you did.
Accept. Float. Breathe (if you can). Be good to yourself with your thoughts and self-talk. Distract yourself (music, walk, TV, solitaire?).
You will be okay. You did a wonderful thing. Think of YOU for now, and not your friend. It's not selfish, it's taking care of yourself.
Hang in there and keep us posted! I will be praying for you!
Maureen
I am so sorry about your difficult day. I am proud of you for making the right decision with the friendship, especially seeing what a hard thing that was for you to do. Good for you -- try to focus on the good thing that you did for your life.
It does sound like your anxiety is coming from hurting your friend's feelings, and the changes that may stem from this ... the fear of the unknown, perhaps?
I can SO relate to stressing out about someone else's feelings -- that is also when I get the most panicky. But I have realized through this program that what another person feels has nothing to do with my worth as a person. If another person is hurt, they need to deal with that hurt on their own. You don't need to take on that hurt too. Maybe you are feeling guilty for hurting this person, so you are taking on their hurt feelings to somehow punish yourself ... but be good to yourself, compassionate and sensitive and kind to yourself, proud of yourself for doing the right thing. Try to focus on those things.
Can you get out for a walk? Even if it's raining or cold? When I feel panicky and short of breath, and not able to do the relaxation breathing (like you describe), I put on my headphones and listen to Christian music and walk and walk. The music helps me change my focus onto God and all the things that are good and right.
And like Maeggie mentioned, try to accept the sadness and anxiety you are feeling right now ... it's okay to feel that way, it is human, especially after what a very brave thing you did.
Accept. Float. Breathe (if you can). Be good to yourself with your thoughts and self-talk. Distract yourself (music, walk, TV, solitaire?).
You will be okay. You did a wonderful thing. Think of YOU for now, and not your friend. It's not selfish, it's taking care of yourself.
Hang in there and keep us posted! I will be praying for you!
Maureen
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Guest
Mom,
Saying goodbye to someone is never easy, even when we are the one who is initiating this. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel a little anxious because you are in a situation that makes people feel anxious. Float through this, then get your stop sign ready because you are going to need it for the guilty thoughts that will follow this decision. You said yourself you are completely comfortable with your decision. So do not allow anyone to make you feel otherwise. This is your decision, and you get to decide how you react in the aftermath. Keep telling yourself over and over that you are doing the right thing. Then occupy yourself. Do not allow yourself time to second guess your decision. Stay in the present and keep moving forward.
Saying goodbye to someone is never easy, even when we are the one who is initiating this. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel a little anxious because you are in a situation that makes people feel anxious. Float through this, then get your stop sign ready because you are going to need it for the guilty thoughts that will follow this decision. You said yourself you are completely comfortable with your decision. So do not allow anyone to make you feel otherwise. This is your decision, and you get to decide how you react in the aftermath. Keep telling yourself over and over that you are doing the right thing. Then occupy yourself. Do not allow yourself time to second guess your decision. Stay in the present and keep moving forward.
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Guest
Thank you for the advice everyone. I know that this was the right thing to do. God knows that this was the right thing to do.
The other person, however, thinks that I am being unfair and is demanding explanations. I am too weak to argue. I just want it to stop. I am mad at myself for getting in this stupid situation to begin with.
You guys are right though - I need to breathe, live in the present, and shine up my stop sign (weak smile)...I have a feeling I'm going to be needing it alot.
Your prayers are appreciated...I really need all the help I can get today. Thanks.
Dawn
The other person, however, thinks that I am being unfair and is demanding explanations. I am too weak to argue. I just want it to stop. I am mad at myself for getting in this stupid situation to begin with.
You guys are right though - I need to breathe, live in the present, and shine up my stop sign (weak smile)...I have a feeling I'm going to be needing it alot.
Your prayers are appreciated...I really need all the help I can get today. Thanks.
Dawn
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Guest
You are so right, Maureen. THank you. I totally feel responsible for the other person's feelings right now. I mean...I'm the one who did the "deed" (ending the friendship) so to speak. That makes me the cause, right?Originally posted by momurph:
If another person is hurt, they need to deal with that hurt on their own. You don't need to take on that hurt too. Maybe you are feeling guilty for hurting this person, so you are taking on their hurt feelings to somehow punish yourself ... but be good to yourself, compassionate and sensitive and kind to yourself, proud of yourself for doing the right thing. Try to focus on those things.
However, I just finished reading a book about codependency and it said that no one can make us feel any particular way that we don't ALLOW them to do. In other words, I guess, I'm not trying to specifically cause pain or hurt to that person, but if it is interpreted on their end that way...???
This is the right choice, but I'm just scared...and at an all time low point here.
Dawn
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Guest
Hi Dawn,
I have been praying for you so much today. I don't even know you, but I feel your pain.
About the other person's feelings ... I'm not sure if this helps or not, but I would think that if this person truly cared about you, s/he would understand and not put you through the ringer like this. It sounds as if this person knows now sensitive and caring you are, and is taking advantage of that sensitivity -- TRYING to make you feel bad for making a decision you needed to make.
I would guess that this person knows you wouldn't hurt her/him ON PURPOSE. You are a much too caring person for that -- all of us on this board can see it just through your postings. I have a feeling this person WANTS you to feel bad. You don't deserve to be treated that way. If that person truly cared about you and what is best for you, s/he wouldn't be demanding explanations and making this harder than it has to be.
I have been in similar situations in the past, where I've had to end relationships. It is NEVER easy. But the way the person on the other end responds speaks volumes about that person's character. I have ended relationships where the person was kind and understanding, even though s/he was hurt, and I have ended relationships when the person was angry, clingy, demanding and pouring on the guilt.
I can see now, looking back, that the people who were angry and demadning didn't care about my feelings or what was best for me. They only cared about themselves.
You deserve better. You deserve support and understanding. I know it still must be so hard, losing a friend, even though it wasn't a good situation. I've been there before, and it does hurt... a lot. I just don't want to see you hurting more than you have to because this person is taking advantage of your good heart and trying to make you feel worse than you already do.
Sorry to ramble! Know how much we care about you, and hang onto God ... He uses these low points to bring about blessings, and I know there are many blessings coming your way.
Maureen.
I have been praying for you so much today. I don't even know you, but I feel your pain.
About the other person's feelings ... I'm not sure if this helps or not, but I would think that if this person truly cared about you, s/he would understand and not put you through the ringer like this. It sounds as if this person knows now sensitive and caring you are, and is taking advantage of that sensitivity -- TRYING to make you feel bad for making a decision you needed to make.
I would guess that this person knows you wouldn't hurt her/him ON PURPOSE. You are a much too caring person for that -- all of us on this board can see it just through your postings. I have a feeling this person WANTS you to feel bad. You don't deserve to be treated that way. If that person truly cared about you and what is best for you, s/he wouldn't be demanding explanations and making this harder than it has to be.
I have been in similar situations in the past, where I've had to end relationships. It is NEVER easy. But the way the person on the other end responds speaks volumes about that person's character. I have ended relationships where the person was kind and understanding, even though s/he was hurt, and I have ended relationships when the person was angry, clingy, demanding and pouring on the guilt.
I can see now, looking back, that the people who were angry and demadning didn't care about my feelings or what was best for me. They only cared about themselves.
You deserve better. You deserve support and understanding. I know it still must be so hard, losing a friend, even though it wasn't a good situation. I've been there before, and it does hurt... a lot. I just don't want to see you hurting more than you have to because this person is taking advantage of your good heart and trying to make you feel worse than you already do.
Sorry to ramble! Know how much we care about you, and hang onto God ... He uses these low points to bring about blessings, and I know there are many blessings coming your way.
Maureen.