Not getting a hold on my anxiety

[poetrob]

I got the program about a year ago and since I have not been able to get a hold on my anxiety.
After I went through it once, I decided elements needed to be re-visited. Mainly the lessons about
negative thinking and self talk.

I just am not getting a grip on my anxiety. It seems many times to come from nowhere and I do
not not know what triggers it. I think maybe it is triggered by how I relate to people. Something
I have figured out is I am hesitant to ask for help. My thinking seems to be I fear people will think
I am stupid or something. Another element if I am having trouble with a task, I will abandon it and
never come back to finish.

I am dominated by thoughts of being a screw-up and on the job when I am running errands, I worry
about being seen as someone who takes too long.

It is very difficult for me to keep much of a journal about my thoughts because of my job. I can't get caught writing stuff down. Would interfere with my work.

All of this time I have felt if I keep trying and don't give up, I will overcome my anxiety. I was wrong.
The struggle is seeming more like a revolving door.

Now I am ready to give up. Stop using the tools because I keep missing the nails and hitting my fingers.

[coachchris]

Hi Rob,

This is Coach Chris from the coaching team here at Stress. Thank you for your reply and reaching out.
I can really hear you targeting in on some very key points of your belief system that are creating internal anxiety/stress for you. We have to work hard on deciding who we are and what makes us valuable if we are to have peace in our lives. Your continued dedication to love yourself on this journey is priceless and worth all of the effort you are putting into it. Be aware of the expectations/perfectionism/shoulds. Ask yourself if they are reasonable or realistic. Review lessons 3 and 4.

Please PM message if you need anything or would like to doing some coaching in this area.
We are here to help you have success and achieve peace.
Coach Chris StressCenter.com

[poetrob]

Since my last post, I have decided to try something new. I written down all of the info. on the
carry along cards on my phone as notes. I also put week three on it with my music. When I
start getting negative or something, I listen to it while I work.

I think I know what triggers my anxiety. I know it sounds odd but I get anxious about succeeding.
I will just say in the past, my successes were ignored by my family. I was treated like a criminal.
Even today, I am treated like a pain in the butt and my successes ignored.

I spend a lot of time asking why I bother or feeling I should just quit. I am pretty sure my anxiety is
triggered by fears of succeeding.

I push people away that can help me and I isolate myself. Even at work I do this. I see in myself a
hesitation. I ask myself why I am afraid and answer myself with instances with my family and others.

What else can I conclude?

[coachchris]

Hi Poe,

Sorry for the late reply to your post. Your awareness is really good. I would write out 10 of your strengths and 10 things that make you valuable. Try and stay present moment and positive. I would also write out the lies about succeeding and then replace each lie with the positive truth. Put these truths into action little by little. Live YOUR life.

We have a new Program Progress Assessment if you want to fill that out and schedule a coaching call we would help you put a plan together to really get you moving.

Here is the link to our new assessment.
Start your personal assessment here!

We are here to help
Coach Chris StressCenter.com

[poetrob]

Again, much has happened since my last post. The main being losing my job. My doctor has also
disabled me for now. I have been told that I cannot control my anxiety and it increases my depression
symptoms. I have been hit hard by this news but I am determined to gain control of my anxiety.

I intend on going through the program again. With me not working, I don't see anything keeping me from 100 % devotion to my anxiety. Something is triggering my anxiety and if I can find it, I can control
my anxiety. The program talks a lot about our thinking. That is where I will start looking.

I have a few other ideas not related to the program. Bike riding and Martial arts. I'm hoping that somehow I will break through whatever is triggering my anxiety and depression. These activities will
test both my depression and anxiety in different ways.

Right now I am not doing well. Since losing my job, I have isolated myself and just given in to anxiety
and depression. For me the fight begins by starting the program tomorrow.

[S3anne]

How was your first week back on the program?

[randy c.]

i felt exactly like you.i couldnt figure it out. i woke up anxious,and went to bed anxious.i was anxious driving,working and talking to people i have known for years,even family.i was so anxious i was trembling inside,i was always light headed.there was no triggers,no illnesses no tragedy. just last week i finally figured mine out.i was anxious about being anxious.it was that simple.it was me all these years.i told myself anxiety will not control me anymore. now when i feel it coming i throw up my inner stop sign. i refuse to give in again,i only get to go around once ,im going to make it count...

[poetrob]

I have decided that this program just isn't going to help me.

I see my anxiety getting worse. I have no support network and a serious family issue that may or may not be playing a role in my lack of progress.

I never feel like myself and I never feel well. I have isolated myself even from family.
Thoughts of being a failure just tear me apart.

How many times does a person keep fighting without hope of winning before he quits?
Such is the case for me. I keep fighting my anxiety and depression and I keep losing.
So, Why keep fighting?

[randy c.]

Poet, "why keep fighting?" because its worth the fight. You have a big support system here. It sounds like your bombarding yourself with alot of neg. thoughts (just count them in your post).I know when your in this mind set things feel hopeless. Try writing everything down in a journal, I dont really like to write but it really does work to get it down on paper. Dont give up because your worth it.