Fear of Fear
I've been suffering from panic and anxiety for many years now (about 20 and a half). I've gotten over the fear of dying and going insane. I still have a lot of trouble with dizziness and vertigo, but when I'm really panicking or having major anticipatory anxiety, my biggest challenge is simply the fear of being afraid. That is, I am terrified of going through the fight or flight response (the extreme need to run away and the sense of impending disaster). This is the primary motivator for my avoidance behaviors. Does anyone have any suggestions on ways they've successfully dealt with this issue?
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
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Guest
HI I'VE HAD THAT FEAR OF FIGHT OR FLIGHT. AND WHAT I DID IS GET UP AND I WOULD START WALKING OR JOGGING, AFTER A WHILE IT GAVE ME POWER OVER IT, I WAS SO BUSSY RUNNING FOR REAL I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT BEING AFRAID OR CALL SOMEONE AND JUST START TALKING TO A FRIEND THAT HELPED ME FEEL LIKE IF SOMETHING DID HAPPEN TO ME SOMEONE WOULD KNOW. IT IS SO HARD TO GO THROUGH THE FEELING OF FEAR. I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO DIE AND NO ONE CARES, MY DAD WAS MY SAFE PERSON, BUT I FOUND MYSELF PUSHING THROUGHT THE FEAR BY DRIVING HIM TO THE CANCER CENTER I WAS SO CONCERNED ABOUT HIM I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT MYSELF EXCEPT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IF HE DIE'S. WELL MY DAD PASTED AFTER FIGHTING HE LUNG AND LIVE CANCER FOR 9 MONTHS AND HE WAS GONE AND I FELT SO ALONE, HE IS GONE HE LET ME BEHIND TO FACE MY FEARS ALONE, WHO WOULD I TURN TO FOR SUPPORT NOW!!! IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS NOW THAT HE HAS BEEN GONE AND I AM STILL GOING THROUGH IT, I AM MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS NOW AND I HAVE 3 KIDS, A MOTHER AND TWO TWIN SISTERS, WE HARDLY TALK AT ALL. MY MOTHER JUST CONPLANS ABOUT THINGS, THE KIDS, AND MY OTHER SISTER HATES ME BECAUSE I DID WHAT HE WANTED ME TO DO AFTER HE PASSED. AND MY OTHER SISTER SHE GET ON MY NERVES TELLING WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING AND TELLING ME ALL HER PROBLEMS.
I WAS NEVER ONE TO MAKE TROUBLE AS A CHILD, JUST GO WITH THE FLOW. AND NOW WHAT I HAVE NO ONE TO GET ADVICE FROM. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN TO TRUST MY HUSBAND, BUT HE GET ANGRY EASY SO I JUST TRY TO DEAL WITH THING MY SELF. HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH HE IS NOT EASY SOMETINES, AND SOMETIMES IT IS BECAUSE OF ME BEING IN A BAD MOOD. BUT LAST NIGHT I DID HAVE CONTROLL, HE GOT MAD AND STARTED YELLING AT ME FOR LEAVING CIG. BUTTS UNDER THE SWING. AND I THOUGHT AND SAID (DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY) I DIDN'T YELL BACK OR ANYTHING I JUST SAID IT. WOW, I WAS INPRESSED WITH MY SELF. BUT STILL I HAVE TO DEPEND ON HIM I CAN'T DRIVE VERY FAR BY MYSELF AND I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. SOMETIMES I FEEL IS TAKING OVER, DOING EVERYTHING FOR ME. AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I NEED HIM TOO. I DO LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. HE IS UNDERSTANDING, HE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND MY PROBLEM. I WAS STRAIGHT UP WITH HIM BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED, HE HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT HE WAS GETTING INTO.
I FEAR LOSSING ANYONE NOW. I FEAR DIEING. BUT WHAT IS THERE TO BE AFRAID OF? I BELIEVE IN GOD AND I AM SAVED. BUT STILL I AM FRAID, THAT IF SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING TO ME THEY WOULD JUST SAY ( SHE IS JUST HAVING A PANIC ATTACK) AND WHAT IF IT WAS SOMETHING REAL!!! WHAT WOULD I DO. I STARTED HAVING PANIC AND ANIETY WHEN I WAS IN MY FIRST MARRIAGE. THIS IS MY THRID MARRIAGE. MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS VERY CONTROLLING AND MY SECOND AS WELL, THE MAN I AM MARRIED TO NOW IS NOT AT ALL. SO I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELAX AROUND HIM. I AM ON GUARD ALL THE TIME WITH HIM AND JUST WAIT FOR SOMETHING TO BE SAID OR DONE TO ME. SOMETIME I EVEN CAUSE IT TO HAPPEN, NOT REALIZING WHAT I HAVE DONE UNTIL IT IS TO LATE. WHAT IF HE LEAVES ME. WHAT IF HE CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE. HOW DO YOU FACE THIS FEARS. AND WHERE IS MY DAD I NEED HIM HERE. I ALWAYS KNEW I COULD COUNT ON HIM TO TALK TO, HOW DO I START TALKING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THAT IS WHAT I FEAR THE MOST. AND WHY CAN'T I JUST DEPEND ON ME, MYSELF FOR A CHANGE.
I WAS NEVER ONE TO MAKE TROUBLE AS A CHILD, JUST GO WITH THE FLOW. AND NOW WHAT I HAVE NO ONE TO GET ADVICE FROM. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN TO TRUST MY HUSBAND, BUT HE GET ANGRY EASY SO I JUST TRY TO DEAL WITH THING MY SELF. HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH HE IS NOT EASY SOMETINES, AND SOMETIMES IT IS BECAUSE OF ME BEING IN A BAD MOOD. BUT LAST NIGHT I DID HAVE CONTROLL, HE GOT MAD AND STARTED YELLING AT ME FOR LEAVING CIG. BUTTS UNDER THE SWING. AND I THOUGHT AND SAID (DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY) I DIDN'T YELL BACK OR ANYTHING I JUST SAID IT. WOW, I WAS INPRESSED WITH MY SELF. BUT STILL I HAVE TO DEPEND ON HIM I CAN'T DRIVE VERY FAR BY MYSELF AND I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. SOMETIMES I FEEL IS TAKING OVER, DOING EVERYTHING FOR ME. AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I NEED HIM TOO. I DO LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. HE IS UNDERSTANDING, HE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND MY PROBLEM. I WAS STRAIGHT UP WITH HIM BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED, HE HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT HE WAS GETTING INTO.
I FEAR LOSSING ANYONE NOW. I FEAR DIEING. BUT WHAT IS THERE TO BE AFRAID OF? I BELIEVE IN GOD AND I AM SAVED. BUT STILL I AM FRAID, THAT IF SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING TO ME THEY WOULD JUST SAY ( SHE IS JUST HAVING A PANIC ATTACK) AND WHAT IF IT WAS SOMETHING REAL!!! WHAT WOULD I DO. I STARTED HAVING PANIC AND ANIETY WHEN I WAS IN MY FIRST MARRIAGE. THIS IS MY THRID MARRIAGE. MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS VERY CONTROLLING AND MY SECOND AS WELL, THE MAN I AM MARRIED TO NOW IS NOT AT ALL. SO I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELAX AROUND HIM. I AM ON GUARD ALL THE TIME WITH HIM AND JUST WAIT FOR SOMETHING TO BE SAID OR DONE TO ME. SOMETIME I EVEN CAUSE IT TO HAPPEN, NOT REALIZING WHAT I HAVE DONE UNTIL IT IS TO LATE. WHAT IF HE LEAVES ME. WHAT IF HE CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE. HOW DO YOU FACE THIS FEARS. AND WHERE IS MY DAD I NEED HIM HERE. I ALWAYS KNEW I COULD COUNT ON HIM TO TALK TO, HOW DO I START TALKING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THAT IS WHAT I FEAR THE MOST. AND WHY CAN'T I JUST DEPEND ON ME, MYSELF FOR A CHANGE.
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Guest
Yeah, I do the avoidance behavior thing too. But we need to get comfortable with putting ourselves in progressively more challenging environments and seeing ourselves do well there.
I have been doing that while practicing all the self-talk techniques etc. and it has helped me to re-engage in life. It is still a long road but we need to challenge ourselves daily with no self-hate or forboding or fear of failure.
I have been doing that while practicing all the self-talk techniques etc. and it has helped me to re-engage in life. It is still a long road but we need to challenge ourselves daily with no self-hate or forboding or fear of failure.
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Guest
I have had the same dizziness about 5 years ago due to anxiety. I think it being the 1st time I was on medicine, the medicine helped. This time it is more pressure in my head. I try to let myself be okay with the feeling when I feel it coming on really bad. I immediately try to relax my body, breathe, and focus on something postive. I ask myself why am I feeling this way. A lot of times I am afraid of having the pressure in my head and my headaches, just because the thought of it never getting better scares me. Silly! I have been telling myself that I will only feel what I think. I am responsible for making those things seem real in my mind. Some days are better than others, and some days are really hard. But I am noticing a little improvement every week. Anytime I think negative in any way at all, I replace it with a positive. You really have to think a lot to do this. I felt stupid a few times back and my first day at work and immed. noticed it. I could tell immed. the change in the way I felt. Even though it wasn't a big change I did feel myself relax a little. I think it takes a lot of practice! Hopes this helps a little.
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Guest
Hey Searunner.
I used to disassociate and be dizzy with my anxiety for many years. I am 46 now, and have done many things successfully through the years to help myself. Most people see me as happy and successful and would not realize the inner turmoil I have suffered at times.
This program is the first "cognitive" therapy I have done and has really Helped in my ability to tell myself that things will improve, and they do. I still have trouble at times(as you read earlier) we all do but I have a lot more tools to get through them. the relaxation tape is excellent. It is amazing the power of telling yourself "it will get better it is temporary" even when you feel it wont. Because it will. I went from a person that called in sick a lot due to anxiety to being a leader in my profession simply due to my practice of positive self talk and getting better at it.
I have been on an antidepressant for many years and finally came to accept that it is like insulin for me, My body just needs it. For others it is temporary. There are many tools to help and you will find yours.
Keep with the positive talk to yourself. I used the on line a lot in the beginning. keep at it!
I used to disassociate and be dizzy with my anxiety for many years. I am 46 now, and have done many things successfully through the years to help myself. Most people see me as happy and successful and would not realize the inner turmoil I have suffered at times.
This program is the first "cognitive" therapy I have done and has really Helped in my ability to tell myself that things will improve, and they do. I still have trouble at times(as you read earlier) we all do but I have a lot more tools to get through them. the relaxation tape is excellent. It is amazing the power of telling yourself "it will get better it is temporary" even when you feel it wont. Because it will. I went from a person that called in sick a lot due to anxiety to being a leader in my profession simply due to my practice of positive self talk and getting better at it.
I have been on an antidepressant for many years and finally came to accept that it is like insulin for me, My body just needs it. For others it is temporary. There are many tools to help and you will find yours.
Keep with the positive talk to yourself. I used the on line a lot in the beginning. keep at it!