I need to feel like I'm not the only one
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laurenrg83
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 9:50 pm
I've had agoraphobia for almost ten years now. It's gotten better and worse through out the years. Right now it's at a low. tonight was my future step sons band concert. The last one of the year. My sister and her children came up and my parets came up. When it was time to leave for the concert I just couldn't .. I had emense fears. My sister tried to keep me in the car but I bolted and completely lost it. She called me to tellme she would not come up here anymore for these things if I was going to be like this. I hung up on her. My fiance called to explain how selfish I was and disapointed he is . It's not like I purposefully do this. My parents haven't called yet . my sister and parents did drive an hour and a half to be here, but it was not for me , it was for my step son. I know its in support of me. I feel awful. My body feels awful. I don't know how to address these people or myself. Anyone ever been there. I'm 26 and have been batttling this since teenage years.
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Guest
I can promise you that you are not the only one. If you read through the posts on this site, you'll find many sharing the same themes as yours. You have to realize that most people can't understand what we go through with panic and agoraphobia. They might have some idea, but they can't really grasp the whole concept. It's probably because the feelings we have are so irrational. The best thing you can do is to educate those around you with information about your condition so they can at least grasp the basics. However, even then there are some people that just won't understand or don't care. Fortunately, most people will try to understand and help out. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this and that your family is not being supportive. All you can do is your best; no one can ask any more.
Take care,
Jamie
Take care,
Jamie
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Guest
The runner of the sea said it very well. Yes thats right runner of the sea!!! 
You are going to get responses like what you have just gotten unfortunately and it really doesn't feel good. I've been there before many times but you can use this situation to help you grow. Pain can be a very good motivator for change. You don't want to be like that forever and so you could use that to work on the skills. This is where alot of my motivation came from and hey, i've been using the program for 6 years!
Like you said they didn't drive there for you, they drove there for your step son and you also have alot of limitations and a really good description i read from David D Burns's book said that facing a limitation for someone struggling with anxiety would be like a non-sufferer lying on railroad tracks while a train is coming and fighting the urge to get up. Its scary as hell and you cannot beat yourself up for something so scary or else you would have to beat up everybody else dealing with this problem because really you aren't better than anybody else...nobody is. Therefore the same rules apply. Anxiety and Depression aren't easy.
I still find it hard sometimes with a certain friend of mine. He will complain about how i don't seem to care or that all i say is sorry if he complains and most of the time i just shrug it off because i can't really do anything else more than explain that the anxiety and depression is effecting me in that way and i cannot just turn it off. This is minor now compared to before, i can still remember one particular person yelling at me because of how i was behaving but after a while working through the program you can get to a point where you are brave enough to face whatever limitation despite the anxiety and then it doesn't bother you anymore.
Mike
You are going to get responses like what you have just gotten unfortunately and it really doesn't feel good. I've been there before many times but you can use this situation to help you grow. Pain can be a very good motivator for change. You don't want to be like that forever and so you could use that to work on the skills. This is where alot of my motivation came from and hey, i've been using the program for 6 years!
Like you said they didn't drive there for you, they drove there for your step son and you also have alot of limitations and a really good description i read from David D Burns's book said that facing a limitation for someone struggling with anxiety would be like a non-sufferer lying on railroad tracks while a train is coming and fighting the urge to get up. Its scary as hell and you cannot beat yourself up for something so scary or else you would have to beat up everybody else dealing with this problem because really you aren't better than anybody else...nobody is. Therefore the same rules apply. Anxiety and Depression aren't easy.
I still find it hard sometimes with a certain friend of mine. He will complain about how i don't seem to care or that all i say is sorry if he complains and most of the time i just shrug it off because i can't really do anything else more than explain that the anxiety and depression is effecting me in that way and i cannot just turn it off. This is minor now compared to before, i can still remember one particular person yelling at me because of how i was behaving but after a while working through the program you can get to a point where you are brave enough to face whatever limitation despite the anxiety and then it doesn't bother you anymore.
Mike
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Guest
I have a story to share with you that might help you understand the disconnect between other understanding our disorder and actually "getting it".
There was someone very close in my life that saw me through many panic attacks. She helped me get through them and was compassionate to my suffering. She knew pretty much all I could tell her about panic attacks and agoraphobia. We lived together for many years so she knew me very well.
One evening she started to experience so strange sensations and didn't know what was happening. After a short while I realized she was having a panic attack. It lasted for about ten or fifteen minutes and we almost went to the hospital. When it was over, even with all the knowledge I had shared with her, the first thing she said to me was "I had no idea (that's what it's like)". That was her first and last panic attack but believe me she had a complete different outlook after experiencing it for herself.
What I'm getting to is that there is almost nothing you can say to anyone who does not suffer from some form of anxiety or phobia that will make them fully understand. So try to be patient with those who are supporting you and consider letting go of those that aren't.
Jamie
There was someone very close in my life that saw me through many panic attacks. She helped me get through them and was compassionate to my suffering. She knew pretty much all I could tell her about panic attacks and agoraphobia. We lived together for many years so she knew me very well.
One evening she started to experience so strange sensations and didn't know what was happening. After a short while I realized she was having a panic attack. It lasted for about ten or fifteen minutes and we almost went to the hospital. When it was over, even with all the knowledge I had shared with her, the first thing she said to me was "I had no idea (that's what it's like)". That was her first and last panic attack but believe me she had a complete different outlook after experiencing it for herself.
What I'm getting to is that there is almost nothing you can say to anyone who does not suffer from some form of anxiety or phobia that will make them fully understand. So try to be patient with those who are supporting you and consider letting go of those that aren't.
Jamie
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Guest
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Hi Lauren!</span>,
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">You know that you tried to go. You got ready to go. You took the steps you needed to take to go to the concert. The unfortunate thing here is that your friends / family have not recognized the effort you put into going. There was an earlier string I read where someone said that when their room mate yelled they would simply picture MONKEYS coming out of their mouth, spilling onto the floor, slapping each other and peeing all over the place. That made them laugh and they were not as stressed over being yelled at. It might work
Keep trying to get out there. We can do this. We need to keep saying that! We can do it!!! It is ONLY anxiety. Maybe someday we will believe it </span>
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">You know that you tried to go. You got ready to go. You took the steps you needed to take to go to the concert. The unfortunate thing here is that your friends / family have not recognized the effort you put into going. There was an earlier string I read where someone said that when their room mate yelled they would simply picture MONKEYS coming out of their mouth, spilling onto the floor, slapping each other and peeing all over the place. That made them laugh and they were not as stressed over being yelled at. It might work
Keep trying to get out there. We can do this. We need to keep saying that! We can do it!!! It is ONLY anxiety. Maybe someday we will believe it </span>-
Guest
That was a really great post SeaRunner. I really liked that story.
Working2FixIT
Thats a really good point about all the effort she has put into going. Yes you should be proud, not ashamed.
Thats really funny you brought up the monkey thing, that was my post you were talking about and it was even funnier when another person tried to visualize it when her husband was yelling at her and she just burst out laughing. You could use that same idea to twist an obsessive thought of anxiety itself or of that situation you had. I remember with anxiety i had pictured myself being taken to a place with padded walls and when i was able to walk around with some of the other inmates i would be able to go poop in the middle of the floor and get away with it! Oh and the gymnastics i learned...I was just amazing
Mike
Working2FixIT
Thats a really good point about all the effort she has put into going. Yes you should be proud, not ashamed.
Thats really funny you brought up the monkey thing, that was my post you were talking about and it was even funnier when another person tried to visualize it when her husband was yelling at her and she just burst out laughing. You could use that same idea to twist an obsessive thought of anxiety itself or of that situation you had. I remember with anxiety i had pictured myself being taken to a place with padded walls and when i was able to walk around with some of the other inmates i would be able to go poop in the middle of the floor and get away with it! Oh and the gymnastics i learned...I was just amazing
Mike
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Guest
Hey Mike,
I thought that was your MONKEY story But I was not sure. Glad you took the credit for it 
It certainly made me laugh when I read it.
I have posted elsewhere. You seem to be on the ball in responding to strings. I wonder if you can help me. Do you know the best way for me to get a hold of a week 1 workbook? I miss placed mine (or it was not in the package to begin with). I am just starting out on my journey and I would love to get busy with my Week 1 homework. Hoping you can assist me,,, Rhonda
I thought that was your MONKEY story
But I was not sure. Glad you took the credit for it It certainly made me laugh when I read it. I have posted elsewhere. You seem to be on the ball in responding to strings. I wonder if you can help me. Do you know the best way for me to get a hold of a week 1 workbook? I miss placed mine (or it was not in the package to begin with). I am just starting out on my journey and I would love to get busy with my Week 1 homework. Hoping you can assist me,,, Rhonda
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Guest
I go through my phases where i post on a daily basis.
There are multiple workbooks now? I had no idea they changed things. When i got my program it was one big workbook. I'd assume the action assignments are still relatively the same. Best i can offer you is that I can type out all the action assignments and give you a list of the topics outlined in week 1. Would that help?
Mike
There are multiple workbooks now? I had no idea they changed things. When i got my program it was one big workbook. I'd assume the action assignments are still relatively the same. Best i can offer you is that I can type out all the action assignments and give you a list of the topics outlined in week 1. Would that help?
Mike