But I am truely starting to believe that what is going on with me is something beyond my control. I've been depressed throughout my lifetime and gone through several "low points", almost committing suicide in high school. My depression has never been something I "create", I believe, which means all this cognitive behavioral skills will HELP but not cure me. I know I make my anxiety, and that's why this program has been helping me, but my depression hits me at time when I am most positive, most active, most healthy. Now, school is out, it is summer and I should be relaxing and enjoying life, and I want that SOOO badly, but I am void of emotions, crying at the drop of a hat, wanting to stay in bed all day, total loss of appetite, losing 10 pounds over 3 weeks, no desire to make myself "presentable" (make-up or nice clothing), and a constant, general feeling of hopelessness.
I know in my heart that I need medication right now, but I have been trying sooo hard to do this naturally, by doing this program, eating well, stopped drinking caffeine and refined sugars, "feeding" my brain with only positive and inspirational reading and movies, taking daily vitamins, even acupuncture, but with all the efforts, it is not effecting my depression at all. It HAS, however, helped me with anxiety, and for that I am extremely grateful.
I dont know why, but I feel like taking prescription drugs is like admitting "defeat" against this disease. But you wouldn't say that to a diabetic who needs insulin, right?
Has anyone else had successful experiences with medication but had a difficult time admitting to themselves that they do in fact need medication?
And thank you to anyone who has read this, it ended up being a bit long winded!
