Should I just Forgive and Forget
Hi. I am struggling with the fact of going to an upcoming event, a wedding for my nephew in a couple weeks. There will be a sister there that has been so deceitful and hurtfull and basically never even trys to contact me anymore there. It is a long story about her and alot of dysfunction. Anyways my sister thats son is getting married is so forgiving and just always nice. I feel so mean for having such bitter and negative feelings about my sister. I am the baby of the family and just get hurt so easy. I want to change but I am having a diff. time replacing my negative thoughts and mindset about the sister who will be attending and all her ways. It is very diff. and my question is how to handle this. I am starting to have anxiety about going to this wedding that is supppose to be a happy time. There is so much animosity. I have nowhere to turn and keeping turning to all of you for advice and it has helped. why am I having so much diff. snapping out of my neg. depressed attitude. I feel it when talking to other fam. members and then I hang up and cry so something is not right. Am I jealous that this sister is getting can get away with so much when she is a manipulater or what. Just feeling down and need advice. Thanks for listening.
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Guest
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Guest
wow, i can relate to you -- weddings and family events can be stressful. some of us put a lot of pressure on ourselves to look good, act perfectly, etc.
considering that others are also feeling extra excited--this can be a recipe for "disaster". but it doesn't have to be horrible.
this is a great practice opportunity for you. it is a great time to not only acknowledge your kind sister and her son's "big day", but also to pat yourself on the back for getting yourself there.
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>try journaling the positive things about your immediate family (husband, children, etc.)that is joining you and supporting you, your sister, and your nephew.
try posting positive reminders in obvious places (car? room?) about yourself and your life. review your skills (and as you see them, read them aloud and smile
). </UL>
i think you can return from the wedding with a positive report on what you've learned and how you've handled yourself. don't expect perfection--prepare but don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. no one else will act "perfectly" at the wedding either.
considering that others are also feeling extra excited--this can be a recipe for "disaster". but it doesn't have to be horrible.
this is a great practice opportunity for you. it is a great time to not only acknowledge your kind sister and her son's "big day", but also to pat yourself on the back for getting yourself there.
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>try journaling the positive things about your immediate family (husband, children, etc.)that is joining you and supporting you, your sister, and your nephew.
try posting positive reminders in obvious places (car? room?) about yourself and your life. review your skills (and as you see them, read them aloud and smile
). </UL> i think you can return from the wedding with a positive report on what you've learned and how you've handled yourself. don't expect perfection--prepare but don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. no one else will act "perfectly" at the wedding either.
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Guest
i am only suggestioning this to you... i have tried (doesn't always work however) anytime i run across this type of sitution... NOT TO give this person the right to rent space in my head and ruin any moment of mine or event. Again easier said then done... but with people like this ... they do what they do and are happy when they know that they are renting spaces in your head... does this make sense! Never let anyone change the good in you. Never let anyone take away the very important moments you will have! PAY no mind to them n enjoy... knowing you are a good person! good luck to you
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Guest
Hi
Yes forgive her. If not, it will eat you up inside and you will become a bitter and angry person. Is that how you want people to remember you?? Trust me, I've been angry for 1 year now with my family. I truly am suffering physically from it. Today I decided to release my anger because I can't stand the way I feel. Tell yourself that you are in control and you love them and it doesn't matter if they treat you badly. That is not you. You are kind and loving. Other people's views of you are not accurate.
Yes forgive her. If not, it will eat you up inside and you will become a bitter and angry person. Is that how you want people to remember you?? Trust me, I've been angry for 1 year now with my family. I truly am suffering physically from it. Today I decided to release my anger because I can't stand the way I feel. Tell yourself that you are in control and you love them and it doesn't matter if they treat you badly. That is not you. You are kind and loving. Other people's views of you are not accurate.
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Guest
Ali,
It sounds to me like this is very important to you. Please remember "why" your going to the wedding. Its for your nephew! NOT your sister:)
With this in mind, and if you keep remembering that, all the way through the wedding, you will be glad you went.
Families can be difficult! Your sister has the problem,(even though she wont admit it) so its NOT your problem the way she acts.
But it is your responsibilty to be YOU! And its your responsibility, to not allow her to get to you. We have families, but that doesnt mean we have to allow them the walk over, hurt us or be mean. Doesnt mean you dont love her, but you DISLIKE who she is.
Draw yourself a boundary when it comes to her, and dont allow her to cross that boundary.
Forgiveness is awesome! Whether she ever knows you forgave her or not, doesnt matter. The reason we forgive is so we can move foward, and not let guilt, bitterness, or anger spoil our recovery. It also helps us feel better emotionally, physically, mentally. Unforgiveness is a HUGE suitcase to haul around and from personal experience , I can tell you, its NOT worth ONE day of being miserable.
It sounds to me like this is very important to you. Please remember "why" your going to the wedding. Its for your nephew! NOT your sister:)
With this in mind, and if you keep remembering that, all the way through the wedding, you will be glad you went.
Families can be difficult! Your sister has the problem,(even though she wont admit it) so its NOT your problem the way she acts.
But it is your responsibilty to be YOU! And its your responsibility, to not allow her to get to you. We have families, but that doesnt mean we have to allow them the walk over, hurt us or be mean. Doesnt mean you dont love her, but you DISLIKE who she is.
Draw yourself a boundary when it comes to her, and dont allow her to cross that boundary.
Forgiveness is awesome! Whether she ever knows you forgave her or not, doesnt matter. The reason we forgive is so we can move foward, and not let guilt, bitterness, or anger spoil our recovery. It also helps us feel better emotionally, physically, mentally. Unforgiveness is a HUGE suitcase to haul around and from personal experience , I can tell you, its NOT worth ONE day of being miserable.
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Guest
I have always believed that it is best to forgive as holding on to the bitterness is never a good thing for your soul,or on topic your anxiety and depression for that matter. Try not to let these kinds of situations get a hold on you. Use your positive thougt tools to relieve the stress.
As for forgetting, I believe that things that happen in our lives are ment to be "life lessions". If you think about it, you probably took something away from that situation learning from it. That is a good positive spin on it, think of it as a life's lession, feel it, deal with it and move on. You cant undo the past so try not to bring it into your limitless future.
As for forgetting, I believe that things that happen in our lives are ment to be "life lessions". If you think about it, you probably took something away from that situation learning from it. That is a good positive spin on it, think of it as a life's lession, feel it, deal with it and move on. You cant undo the past so try not to bring it into your limitless future.