Birthdays and Holidays

karenLeigh · Post by **karenLeigh** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 11:28 am

My daughter's b-day is comming up. I feel real depressed. I get this way alot, before a major event. Does anyone else experience this? I just feel very alone with this right now.

SusantheChatterbox · Post by **SusantheChatterbox** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 6:04 pm

((((((((((Karen)))))))))) After reading your post to me I had to come find yours and after reading it I had to send you a cyber hug. I also get very depressed right before a family event or holiday. I would give anything to feel free again. I do know exactly how you feel and I am sorry you feel the same emotional pain I do. Everyone keeps telling me you have to face your fear but the fear is just to big and ugly for me to fight anymore. Its much easier to just stay home and let it rule me as it has over the past years. I hate it, I hate what I have missed out on, I hate that when I was needed I was not there and am still not, and I really hate that I could have made my husbands/kids/grandkids memories much happier and better had I been able to be there with them for those special family times but instead I stayed home in my safe little shell. If I could have anything I wanted right this very minute I would request the key that would open my soul back up letting the sun come back in and the negative thoughts out. I hope you will be able to get through your daughters birthday and be able to enjoy it. You will be in my thoughts and prayers hon.

God bless,
Susan

karenLeigh · Post by **karenLeigh** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 6:42 pm

Susan,
Thank you for the kind words. It really means alot. This whole week I have felt kind of down. I have come on here everyday looking for someone to talk too. All I know is that we have to keep fighting. Do you have the program? I am on session 14. I feel like you about making memories with husband and kids. feeling like you have let them down. What keeps me hanging on is my girls and husband. My little girl will be 8 on sunday. I keep thinking that I want be able to go out with her that day. I know it's the neg. thoughts. I am going to try hard tomorrow to look ahead, not dwell on what has been. I hope you will do the same. I believe with all my heart those grandkids understand. They have an unconditional love that most adults don't have. You have lifted my spirit tonight.
Thanks again,
Karen

SusantheChatterbox · Post by **SusantheChatterbox** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 7:23 pm

Karen you have also lifted my spirits as well. I am on lesson 7 but haven't started it yet. I have been taking my time with the program this round. I bought mine back in '98 which came with cassettes instead of cds. This is my 3rd attempt at getting through the program. The first try I made it to lesson 6 and the 2nd try I got to lesson 3. I am bound and determined to get through all the tapes this time as well as the workbook to. I am sorry you have had a hard time catching someone in here to talk to. I have kind of had that problem to. I went into the chatroom feeling very sorry for myself and decided to leave because I didn't want to bring everyone else down with me because of the way I was feeling. Happy Birthday to your daughter. I hope everything works out for you that day and I will pray that you will be able to participate along with her. I will be thinking about you and hoping your weekend will be a very fun and happy one.

God bless,
Susan

forever young 06 · Post by **forever young 06** » Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:59 am

karen you sound so much like me for my daughter on her birthday I always had a sleep over with her friends cake and their favortie food it was fun she really enjoyed it we did that for several years util she got married on her wedding night she had her bridemaids say all night with her even though I was extremely agrophobic we still had fun and you can still do that I always bought too many presents and tried to be so active in her live I tell her I am sorry I missed alot but she did't pay a lot of attention I gave her all the love I could give and remember you are really doing the best you can for your family even though you can do everthing you would love to do also we can not change our past but our future.we need to work this program like it is our life line and in effect it is the only way out is thru the panic and that is ulearn this agrophobia we learned to be this way no not on purpose this is not how we want to live our life I know it seems easier to stay this way but it is not easy taking all the crap we put on ourselves and also we take from our family my husband and i have fought a lot over this he says I would probaly let some one kill him before I would face mine it hurts very much and like I said on another post I also did't make it the 100 miles to the hospital when he had heart catherization my daughter got upset with me then and I felt bad about she had to stay with him the night after his surgery and I was alone and it was the worst time of my life I am afraid to stay by myself but I had too we have lost so much that is why we need to do something I thought this would motave me to work harder I am afraid he will get sick again but I am trying to be more positive and live in the present we must learn to face our fears and do it any way it will be a long journey but one we must take

ms3 · Post by **ms3** » Sat Oct 18, 2008 2:49 am

KAREN, today my whole family is coming over to celebrate my 10yr. olds B-DAY. I'm very nervous. we have 3 B-Days this week, mine and two of my three dauhters.My oldest daughter is coming up from Indianapolis, and she causes me alot of stress. she is a very dark and negative person . She pulls guilt trips on me and blames me for everything wrong in her life.I want this to be a fun day for everyone, but I'm afraid my oldest will ruin it for the others.After cake and icecream here at the house, we're all going to a huge arcade for kids.I to have trouble finding someone to talk to on here, I'm not to great on the computer and I don't type fast enough to go in the chat room.Holidays have allways been very stressful for me and since I have the biggest house I am allways the hostess. My need to make everything perfect for everyone else makes me crazy!And of course the oldest allways has a problem with something I do.Just hope to make it through today and hopefully enjoy some of it. Why dose joy and contentment seem so hard to find. ms3.

sleeplessMom · Post by **sleeplessMom** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 2:32 am

Birthdays and holidays are difficult for many of us...and I think it is because of the tremendous expectations that surround these events. Mostly the expectations we have of ourselves, but also the expectations of how other should or should not behave. This time of year, or before those big events that can have me anticipating and feeling down, I like to review tape 4 on expectations. The bottom line is that things do not have to go perfectly for people to have a good time! Or for our kids to have good memories. It depends how you talk to yourself about it, and whether you keep your expectations realistic.

There is a lot of good support on here! Keep posting. I, too, have a difficult time with chat but if you need support just jump on! Most people are very understanding and want to help. It goes to fast for me and is hard to follow, but you can always use the forums or PM someone.