Scared to death

zarina · Post by **zarina** » Fri Jul 11, 2008 10:43 am

Dear Debra,I am so sorry you had a bad day, I believe this does happen to us who have bad anxiety, we are told on our C.D.s to try our best, & I think you did very well, Tomorrow is another day, & once you have a rest & relax you will most likely feel much better,,,I can understand why you got up set at that woman that was so rude, you are on the edge of your nerves & you did not need that. I,m sure you are a very nice person & hope that people treat you the way you would treat them...The lettler I read earlyer seem very heartless, we are all trying to do the best we can, so take it easy, & have a peacefull & restfull week-end,,Zarina

zarina · Post by **zarina** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 10:42 am

How are you doing today Debra? are you feeling any better?

Daisey33 · Post by **Daisey33** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 4:24 pm

I woke up this morning scared as usual. Now I'm not only worried about loosing this job, I can't stand the thought of having to go back to deal with that woman (even if it is only for four days). I don't know what to do. I know it's good for me to have a job to get out of this house and of course we need the money, but is all this worth it? I know I should go in and kill her with kindness, but sometimes that's hard for me to do. If I hold everything in, I explode and I don't need to do that. I've spent part of this morning going over some of the things that I need to watch as far as eating (thinking about things that have made me sick the next morning). I think I've got it narrowed down. I did a lot of research. The one good thing that happened to me today was that my PartyLite Leader called and gave me some really good advice about my job and how to handle this woman. She also made me laugh, which she's good at. That brightened my day. I would love to be around more people like her (positive).

Thank you for asking. It really means a lot to me.

Still trying,
Debra

zarina · Post by **zarina** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 1:19 am

Dear Debra, I am realy proud of you, you are going through a hard time, but there are people out here that are praying for you, there is a saying "Let go & let God," when you go into work on Mon. give her to God. then just get on with the work you have to do. I feel sure, your day will go on smoothly. I will also pray for her, that God softens her heart, to make her a new person...I'll be thinking of you. Have a great Sun. & a good Mon..Zarina

Daisey33 · Post by **Daisey33** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:03 pm

Thank you so much Zarina. That means a great deal to me. Now, if I can just wake up in the morning with no problems and show up at work. I've decided to just kill her with kindness. That's all I can do. I just have to remember that's it's only 4 days and then she will be gone. We have every other Friday off, so we aren't working this Friday. I need to wake up with a whole new attitude. I actually (right now) feel a whole lot better. Just trying to keep the negative thoughts at bay! You have a good Monday too and I'll let you know how it goes.

Thank you again for your kind words.
Debra

Daisey33 · Post by **Daisey33** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:38 am

Update. Well, I made it through my first week of work. Our hours provide us with every other Friday off so I'm off tomorrow. Today was that ladies last day. She was so ugly to me all week. Saying things like "I know more than you and the other person (that previously took my job) put together. She also told me that she knew more about the computer than I did. Just really ugly things. She's obviously not a very happy person and I know that's okay because I don't have to deal with her anymore.

My point to all of this is that I put up with it everyday. There were so many times when I just wanted to call in and crawl under the bed and hide. I forced myself to come everyday and put up with her ugliness. One way I did it was, I would wake up each morning and say okay 4 more days, 3 more days, 2 more days, etc. That got me through it, but believe me, I still paniked every morning. I was also able to avoid her for the last two days which helped a great deal. If I had any questions, I would go to someone else.

Now I have a three day weekend to relax. When I come in on Monday to take over my position that she wouldn't let me have for 7 days, I'll also know that she won't be sitting there when I walk through that door. It's going to be awesome.

I'm still struggling through session 2 and my breathing exercises. I still catch myself not breathing the way you should be and I'm trying really hard to be self conscious about it so I can learn how to relax. The funny thing is though, my husband starting walking with me to get the exercise and now that I'm working and having to walk a good distance from the time clock to my office and back everyday, I use that as my exercise. I still feel just as good. He continues to walk and has lost weight (even though he doesn't need to), but it makes him feel good too.

Still trying to stay strong and get my life back,
Debra

zarina · Post by **zarina** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 1:39 pm

Debbie, I am so proud of you..God bless you, have a great week-end & a good rest,,Next week is going to be great for you. Keep doing your breathing, & haveing good thoughts. Jack & I are off to England & Scotland next week-end, I am a little anxious but I know God will help me & give us a realy good time. It is good talking to you, I will contact you when we get back..Lots of good luck. Zarina

Daisey33 · Post by **Daisey33** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:26 am

Set back. I have been scared to death all weekend to do anything. I don't know what to do. I found out Thursday afternoon that the lady I'm having problems with is not yet gone. My boss (after explaning to him I had a problem with her) casually told me she would be working the next 8 Saturday's. We have an outage coming up and I'll be working weekends too. I know that I shouldn't let this bother me, but she has been talking bad about me to the new people I also found out. I worked there for 4 1/2 years about 5 years ago. I knew it wouldn't be the same when I went back, but I didn't know my anxiety would be worse either. I've dreaded Monday all weekend. I don't want to talk to anyone. All I do is watch the clock and think so many hours before Monday morning. I HATE feeling this way. I constantly fight with myself that I need the money, but is it worth the drive over there (which is on a freeway). That's one fear I have. Mornings are not good for me either which I have to be there at 6:30 a.m. I thought about asking my boss to change my hours. I don't know if that will help or not. I feel like I'm being very selfish. There were so many people glad to see me back and now I know why, they couldn't stand her. My boss acted really weird when I came back. I don't know if he didn't wanted to rock the boat with her being there last week and be being there or what. I haven't figured that one out yet. I guess I'll find out tomorrow (if I make it). I've tried thinking positive, but my thoughts are more negative. I could go on and on about how I'm feeling. I'm so tired! The only thing I can think of to do in the morning is take a little bit more of my medication to see if that will calm me down. I'm already anticipating going in so I don't know. I JUST WISH THIS WOULD GO AWAY AND I CAN LIVE A SOMEWHAT NORMAL LIFE!

Help,
Debra

change · Post by **change** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 1:06 pm

Debra, I'm sorry you're feeling so scared right now. Try to realize that this woman's problems are her own. They have nothing to do with you. You are back at work to do your job and that's it. The people there who were glad to see you come back are the ones you should be associating with. Forget about her. Let her behave any way she wants to. You cannot control any of this. BUT, you can control your reactions to it. Keep practicing your breathing which will make you much calmer. Walk into work tomorrow with your head held high and show your confidence. You can do this. You're allowing this woman to have control over your ability. Let that go. Believe in yourself. No one can take away what you have to offer unless you let them. Refuse to let them. Keep repeating to yourself that you are able and confident and capable because you are. Hang in there and go to work tomorrow. Stop running. The power lies within you. Use it.

The situation will get better and your life will come back to normalcy once you realize that you are important and worthwhile. Don't give up on you. God has made you special and no one can take that away from you.

Good Luck tomorrow and keep doing the program. Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing.