My Onion

[New_Nana]

Thanks Mike,

I'll take your suggestions and try them. I did some relaxation this morning and it helped. I also appreciate how you re-framed his comment using couldn't instead of can't. I know you are right about that. I'm planning to paint the LR to keep me busy during the day, so hopefully that will help too. I've also got a huge book of sudoku puzzles that keeps my mind occupied. It's kind of like your rational/irrational comment. I'm swapping the illogical for the logical when I do those puzzles.

It's interesting (side note) but I had an old friend drop by today. I wasn't home, but he left me a note which lifted my spirits. That never happens around here. People just don't do that anymore, but it made me feel good that somebody was looking out for me.

I'll let you know how the weekend turns out.

Thanks again,
Nancy

[Christina O.]

Hi, I have read your postings and I am one who has abandoned the program. I guess i felt overwhelmed as well and I am in college online which makes it hard to do both things. I feel it takes alot of dedication and I know it my fault. One good thing is that I have been able to drop CUBAN COFFEE which was killing me. I could drink that all day and that would cut my appetite, which caused me to get skinny. I didn't do it littlt by little though, I had to do it all at once, because I liked it so much I would never be able to start cutting down slowly. I have experienced headaches and nervousness but I am hanging in there. My Panic Attack history began about 11years ago. I began to feel an extra heartbeat and I drove my doctors crazy telling them I had a heart problem but and that the reason it didn't reflect in echo's and ekg's is because it was happening at that time. Then I started feeling very nervous and afraid and now my heart has gootten better but my hands and body are very shaky nervous and if I experience arguements or my children get dizzy or anything my heartbeat goes super fast and I feel bad. I am afriad of staying alone I don't go anywhere if someone isn't with me and I can't work a job because of fear of running into a bad panic issue and being able to tell my employer that i feel bad and have to rush out of there. I don't know, I've hit rock bottom. The doc has priscribed PAXIL 12.5 mg and Atenololhalf a pill of a 25mg but I am afraid of taking meds plus I am college and I need my mind to be good. I am thinking on starting the program again ending od April, since for I will not be taking any classes next session for 8 wks so I can dedicate on this program. Thankyou for reading my post.

[Christina O.]

Originally posted by Christina O.:
Hi, I have read your postings and I am one who has abandoned the program. I guess i felt overwhelmed as well and I am in college online which makes it hard to do both things. I feel it takes alot of dedication and I know it's my fault. One good thing is that I have been able to drop CUBAN COFFEE which was killing me. I could drink that all day and that would cut my appetite, which caused me to get skinny. I didn't do it little by little though, I had to do it all at once, because I liked it so much I would never be able to start cutting down slowly. I have experienced headaches and nervousness but I am hanging in there. My Panic Attack history began about 11 years ago. I began to feel an extra heartbeat and I drove my doctors crazy telling them I had a heart problem and that the reason it didn't reflect in echo's and ekg's is because it wasn't happening at that time. Then I started feeling very nervous and afraid and now my heart has gotten better but my hands and body are very shaky nervous and if I experience arguements or my children get dizzy or anything my heartbeat goes super fast and I feel bad. I am afriad of staying alone I don't go anywhere if someone isn't with me and I can't work in a job because of fear of running into a bad panic issue and not being able to tell my employer that i feel bad and have to rush out of there. I don't know, I've hit rock bottom. The doc has prescribed PAXIL 12.5 mg and Atenolol half a pill of a 25mg but I am afraid of taking meds plus I am college and I need my mind to be good. I am thinking on starting the program again ending od April, since I will not be taking any classes next session for 8 wks so I can dedicate on this program. Thankyou for reading my post.

[NinjaFrodo]

New_Nana

I hope you do well this weekend. This is a growth period and a chance to make yourself really good for such a big accomplishment. Sounds like you have things to keep you distracted which is good. Also keep in mind, you don't have to stay in that house the whole time by yourself. Why not go out and visit friends or go to the movie theatre (even if you are going by yourself because you will be around many people. At least that helps me out).

Sounds like a really good friend you have there. You should try giving him a thank you card. They're simple but its a good way to return the good energy.


Christina O

Ah another fan, thats cool. One thing i'd like to say is that you are definately not the first person to abandon the program so if you are going to beat yourself up for that then its only fair to beat up everybody else that has done that too. There have been times where i have given up half-way through doing the program myself but there are always opportunities to get back into it. What you have done is you let yourself suffer longer and have actually created more pain. The fact that you have mentioned all your struggles on this thread and are thinking of getting back into the program shows that you have obtained more motivation from this pain you got. This is a good thing! Pain is a very good motivator which i've used alot in order to make progress. Of course it isn't wise to base all your action on pain but its a good start when it comes to overcoming the anxiety and depression and eventually through the program you will begin to start using pleasure as motivation.

No matter when you start the program its good that you're taking the steps however, you will need to incorporate some of this stuff into your whole life. That'll come in time but even simply replacing 5 thoughts a day on paper would help you make progress. You could take the most intense thoughts you get during the day (5 most), write them down and replace them when you get the chance. It doesn't have to be right in that moment although it would be better as you wouldn't carry that thought throughout the day. Focus on 1 step at a time and that'll keep you from being overwhelmed. Looking at everything you have to do is like having all the food your going to consume in your life right in front of you and you know you have to consume it all.

Hope this is helpful,

Mike

[New_Nana]

So the weekend passed by and I made it without major incident. I did the relaxation techniques several times, stayed busy, visited with friends and my daughter. I actually had more trouble adjusting to my husband coming home than I did with him being away. I didn't anticipate feeling so much resentment when he got back, but I did. I didn't give voice to it, but I was really pissed that he was so enthusiastic about seeing the dogs and didn't spend any alone time with me. So I'm in a really weird place right now and I'm thinking...great one more thing I've got to deal with. I can see the problem now is anticipating the week's anxiety. You know, dreading what's coming next and awfulizing the future. Maybe if I sleep all day I won't think about it.

[NinjaFrodo]

Thats great that you made it through the weekend and you really ought to give yourself credit for that. I could be reading it wrong but you talk about it as if it was nothing and thats not the case at all! You did something that you couldn't do in the past, that is huge!

I don't know how far you've gone through the program but lesson 4 comes to mind when you talk about the resentment. What expectations did you have for him when he came back? Do you think he was really aware of those expectations? Is there a possibility that even though you got hurt that he didn't mean for that to happen?

Sleeping all day just makes you feel like crap...I know, ive done it for awhile. It really doesn't help you out at all.


Mike

[New_Nana]

Mike,

Thanks for your input. You are right, my expectations were too high and unspoken. He had no idea what I was expecting. And I wasn't giving myself credit for the accomplishment. I was just anticipating the next big negative event. So i'm adjusting my attitude, and not with a baseball bat. Things go much better when you have someone else to help you be objective. Thanks for being that someone.

Nancy

[NinjaFrodo]

Awe thats such a sweet response. I'm glad that you recognized things in a more realistic way and did something about it. I think we all need people in our lives to sometimes show us when we're thinking illogically. At least i know i do.


Mike

[prancer]

NinjaFrodo

I have really enjoyed your interaction with others

thank you for sharing
prancer

[NinjaFrodo]

Stop you guys are making me blush


Mike