My Onion

[NinjaFrodo]

sorry was at a friends place and had to leave so i only put in half a post.

I really hope the worry ones work well for you, I seem to be seeing less worry some thoughts for myself anyways.

Thats great when you can feel that you don't have to do much. This is better than getting into old coping mechanisms. I also did this myself...I went to the park today, wrote out an anger script and then just relaxed. I barely even spent any time at home, it was great.


Mike

[THH]

The worry ones were great! Printed them out, as well as the others so I can read them like my cards, when ever I feel the need or just in the am while getting dressed. Thank you! I enjoyed the other ones too. Sea runner posted some good ones on Healthy people / unhealthy people. It too was really good.

I had a good weekend. I esp. worked on: in the am planning 3 things that I really wanted to get done each day. Listing them in order. It helped keep me organised and gave my day purpose. I felt real good Sat / Sun I felt like I was relaxed, got some things done, and even felt like I could do more. I didn't fill the time, I just tried to be comfortable with myself and feeling peaceful. I'm going to continue with this this week and see how I do. Its a great feeling and I would love to be able to have a life rich with this feeling.
I also made a salad that I never made, to continue on with the thoughts of trying new things, or doing different stuff. I have liked that lesson as well.

Great job on doing less WORRIES!

[NinjaFrodo]

Thank you, i like the worry ones too and I just finished the guilt ones and have realized that guilt is a very big part of my condition...it is actually the first emotion that got me into this condition in the first place.

You could also try putting them on tape and listening to them when you do various activities yes like getting dressed, doing dishes, making dinner...etc. You are very welcome for the affirmations...keep in mind sometimes i go to the extreme and can put an overwhelming ammount of things up, including affirmations.

I did not see that thread yet, i'll find it and check it out.

Great you are progressing very well and quickly I might add. I'm glad things are working for you too!

[THH]

Wow! thats kind of good you can figure out one of the main things that bother you most. Very good. I have my share of guilt, but I can't say it is a big one for me. I also have over the years, before this program, let go of alot of things I felt guilty for. I have done better at not feeling guilt, like when I didn't go to the out of state wedding and got in conflict with my sister in law. Customers needing something now, and I have nothing to offer them. So I can truley say things from my past I have let go of. I guess I did that balloon thing at 50 and realessed it. It is gone.
I think my short coming are in the worry, self talk, & over doing to much. I need to like myself better. I'm getting to know myself better these days and getting more comfortable with my self. I also am coming to really realize how changing my thoughts are really the secret.

I do like your idea of the audio's. That would work nicely. You sure did put up alot of them!!! LOL... They are very good and I printed them out. I guess I'm a bit slow, I like to think about them slowley so it may take me a couple days to digest them.
I like what I am reading though, and very helpful.

I have found for me anyhow, I have to take breaks in thinking, I get overwelmed and confused. Like in the tapes, don't forget to play, or do mindless things in a day. (Not just bad habits or self help) I try to do some non-thinking activitys.

It will be interesting how I can stay in the now, as more time goes by. I hope I can stay like I feel now, (for the most part) I do think that this program as touched on some valuable topics that I could not figure out on my own. As fall comes, I will be putting my new skills to the test as that always seams to be a hard time of the year for me. I also do my Dr. and dentist stuff in the fall, and those are big stressors for me. I'm going to start the Stress session Wed.

I think you have come a long way when looking back at you early post. You are more sure of your self, and you are being much kinder to yourself. So many other things are taking care of thier selves due to that process! Take the credit!!!

[NinjaFrodo]

Yeah, i've learned how to be really inciteful of myself. I've practiced that skill for 15 years. That is what happened to me because i had nobody else to turn to besides myself. Thank you for the compliment

Thats great that you were able to overcome that guilt from the past and yes that one with the wedding was really good how you handled that.

Well lucky you i have just put up self-esteem script and I'm working on expectations and soon stress script.

Ya i have to take breaks in between too. I usually listen to 3 songs while i read them...after the 3rd song ends i stop and look around me and do some breathing, maybe listen to something really calming that is about a minute or 2 and then i go back to reading. I read them slow too! I'm thinking if i put them in audio format i will read the affirmations in the morning, listen to them in the afternoon while i walk and then read them again at night.

Besides the dr and dentist what else would you be using your skills on? You will like the stress session for sure and I'm hoping to have a script some time this week for it.

Which early post do you mean? I am feeling alot diffrent honestly. I am starting to really see the diffrence between my responsibilities and that of other people as well as I'm doing things in public areas that i was hesitant to do before. I was afraid to practice my hip-hop choreography from class but now i do it and i'm still a little concerned about what others think but not anywhere near what i was. I also feel confident enough to choose the friends i want in my life and I do not feel guilty about the idea of ending friendships with those unhealthy people

Oh i also realized another thing that is big....last night i did a hip-hop class and I noticed that I really try to impress other people with the things i do. I believe it also played into my professional life as well when i was treating people with shiatsu. Whenever i didn't get the response i was expecting i would feel like i failed and that i wasn't good enough. I do not want to give people that power anymore. I'm going to make a few affirmations for that and how I do things because i want to do them and I do not need to impress other people. I believe that will make me relax about many many things...especially socializing. I kinda have this nervous laugh sometimes and I'm hoping it will go away with the expectation affirmations.



Mike

[THH]

Your very welcome, and you have gotten wise at knowing your self so well. I grew up in a different time, when there were more good supportive familys out there. ( There always were some that were not, but even with the family problems, the kids usually got lots of love, and adult attenchion. In a wholesome way.)
I feel bad for so many young people who never got to experiance life that way. BUT the good news is you reconized what you needed and have been finding ways to nurture yourself! You will be very stong for this.

LOL...on the self-esteem script! I must say I do need it. I ask for it, lay it on me!!! LOL...I'll get my printer out!

I will be looking for alone time I have stressed over that, Not being comfortable with time on my hands. I need to flow more and not get up tight, excersie that energy off. Worry, about being alone, being my own safe person.( that one is important to me, reconizing I am strong and can do things myself) I have gotten attached to my husband, my Dr. to tell me I'm ok. Those are on going ones. But I am doing better as I realize my thoughts are always doubting myself. Back to self -esteem. Because I have done some really big things in my life and I lived through them. Scary ones like back surgery, and lived through it. Moved to a state far away from my family and lived there with a boyfriend for a couple months and broke up. I stayed there got my own apt. job, old beater car, but I did it, for 2 years.Thats when I had my first real panic attack. I was in a store waiting in line and I thought I was going to pass out. I was worried they would have to call a ambulance and I would have to go to the hospital. Noone whould know me, or be able to say who I am. I really scared myself!
I still have to get friendly with change. Not only is my body changeing I'm 52, But almost everything is different, from banking to press 1 for english. So in a general way I need to stay in the now and deal. I could thing of more but this seams long enough!!!! LOL...

I'm not sure of the dates, seams I've read lots but even this years, I started in April. I can tell from your posts. You are trusting your self more, what you must see is everyone is looking because nobody really knows. We gain confidence by doing. So what if you can't be the best hip-hop person. Your participating!!! I've played cards with lots of friends. Its funny cuz this one friend always looses. I don't know why. But we could never play cards with out this person, it would be so boreing. So She brings laughter, fun, conversation to the game. And its all in fun. Even for her. ( I don't think she would keep playing if she didn't have fun with us.) And she is a very strong girl, big with fashion design.
I guess what I'm saying is, I think you are realizing you do think differently, and your trusting yourself because your inner being feels more confident. Just my thoughts...
Oh and great on the trying to impress other people idea. That is a big one. Its nice to sit back and let someone else take the spot light huh? I always say in our business, I don't want to be a hero, (when everything goes right) or the villian, (when things don't work out so nicely) As proffesionals I must give the facts to the customer and let them make the ultimate decision. Have the best information for your feild, present it, and let it go. That one took years to devolope!

I'll check out you new scripts, can't wait to see them!

[NinjaFrodo]

Where did that sense of family go in our society? Yes i agree i really did find what i needed and lacked in my life. I hope i can be really strong from it and I hope i can share that strength with others

I hope you have not already printed it out yet, although you could just write down the last 2 i added. I just added 2 more affirmations after reading this post you just made.

I think you have definately made alot of change with those worries and insecurities and you should feel proud about that.

Those do sound like really big things, especially moving far away from your support only to have the person you moved with break up with you. That must have been challenging indeed! Just visiting someone outside of Canada was challenging for me and I knew i was coming back, I would be terrified if i was in your position.

Yes i guess you could say mistakes and not always winning can be fun then. Its not necessary to be the best as long as we have fun right? Wow ok i'm putting that down as an affirmation too!

Well i didn't think about it much but yes i do feel more confident and i trust in that confidence and inner strength more. Thank you for making me realize this!

Its just such a pain trying to be impressive and costs so much. Sure you feel great when you do impress someone but when you don't you feel worthless and it actually costs you some self-esteem. Its not worth it to let others have the ability to destroy your self-esteem so easily.

That sounds like a good lesson to learn about being a professional. I could use that with my shiatsu therapy. thank you.


By the way as i was writing one of my scripts about expectations (well still writing it) i thought about your cup story and used that as one of my affirmations. You moved your cups around and forced yourself into changing a habit, I doubt you are worrying too much if your efforts to change it will be effective or how much time it will take. I'm sure you have also attempted to go back to your old habit many times but after you realized it didn't work you did the new habit and I bet you are already starting to follow your new habit somewhat without trying the old one. You aren't too worried about it but yet you are changing the habit. Something i thought about.


Mike

[THH]

I don't know where it went...I sure miss it. And so does many other people! I guess we do our part!
I didn't get to my new session, I think I will listen Saturday.
Yes it turns out most of the time being a humbling experiance, when you try to impress other people.Someone always has a better something or another and if you are always trying to top someone else, 1. you may never be able to 2. What happened to your self in the process?
When we started our business, no one ever taught us how to run one. My husband went to school to learn his trade, but so many other things that go into it are not taught. Much of it is a art form. Learning by guess and by golly. Mistakes over and over. So the things we have learned are priceless, and we are still learning. It had been a good part in our lives.

Yes, on the cup story, When I changed them I didn't say I'm going to change this to make change, I changed them because I thought it made better sense to have them closer to my sink. So I changed them to what would serve me better. Not realizing what habit I was in by just going to the cabnet and getting one.
And when I did open up the wrong one, I didn't beat myself up all day, cuz I opened up the wrong one! ( When I did open the wrong one, I would say something like S%#T! And laugh, ) So we really can change just about anything if we want to!?

[NinjaFrodo]

OOo i like that

Someone always has a better something or another and if you are always trying to top someone else, 1. you may never be able to 2. What happened to your self in the process?

In essence with a belief system like the one stated about the necessity of worth = accomplishments and approval of those accomplishments by others, You are risking alot. You are taking the chance to feel amazing but also risking self-esteem so to answer your question i would say your self gets damaged in the process.

Starting a business would then be similar to learning a new skill wouldn't you say then? You can't really do it without experience and it may have been better that it was done without that trainning. You end up experiencing and learning more without it and trainning can actually make us tied to the opinions of the one who taught us.

lol well at least you laughed about it! Wouldn't it be nice if thats how it worked when we tried to change all our habits? Hmm that is good that you said that. I wonder if i can make some humor out of my slip ups or just laugh when i fall back.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

By the way i am noticing that i am becoming more creative now its pretty awesome. I come up with more solutions to problems even when I don't actively think about those problems.

2 diffrent solutions just came to me while i was going about my day.

1 was for relaxation, lately i have been really exhausted possibly a combination of trying to push myself to get a job when i'm still not ready, pushing myself to make these scripts on a daily basis, not taking as much time relaxing as i would like, and even one of my affirmations (I just realized how one of them has negatively affected me :S). I came up with the idea of taking a minute to 5 minutes in between doing things. When i finish yoga i relax for 1-5 minutes, when i finish grocery shopping I sit down for that ammount of time, when i finish preparing food and eatting it then i rest again and so on. I'm hoping that doing this for awhile will help ease myself into using the guided meditations more often. Oh and i crossed off that affirmation from my book but don't worry i didn't put it up in the scripts page yet.

2 how to deal with my sister. My sister seems to think I am cruel for some reason. I can assume what that reason is and make the mistake of trying to deal with that problem when i don't know if that is even it or I can actually ask her. I will ask what makes me a cruel person and see what she says. If it was cruel behavior then i will admit to it and ask again how that makes me a cruel person. If she comes up with something then i will ask her how many cruel things have i done in my life and how many non-cruel things i have done in my life and then reask her how that proves i'm cruel. I think the key to making difficult people understand things is to ask questions that would challenge their beliefs. This is what I think would be a good step if people are not understanding and do not listen to logic or explanation.


Mike

PS check the script page...i had to get rid of some affirmations, please take them off your printed or writen lists