Debra, I was so moved reading your blog. I know just how you feel. Why do we self-sabotage?
I agree with the others. It is already "tomorrow" as I write this, so I can't wait to hear how you did today!
One step at a time, when you're dwelling, distract yourself with something else.
You're very brave. You can do this. You will conquer this.
Let us know how everything went. We are all waiting...
Blessings. You're in my prayers.
Scared to death
Okay..first and foremost, thank you to everyone for your support. I DID IT!!!!! I did wake up feeling completely paniked this morning. I called the office for the testing first thing. I told them about my condition and how I was feeling, but really wanted to the job. She said hold a minute, I need to talk with my Supervisor. When she came back on the line, she said that all I need to do was take the refresher course and that it was only an hour and a half long. And that I could come in anytime before 4:00. I had been so scared this morning that I actually had to calm myself down enough to make that drive over there and ask for the person I talked to this morning. The place wasn't crowded at all. She took my information and put me in front of a computer completely away from everyone else. I was so thankful that I got to speak to an understanding person. Of course, there were a few times when I wanted to turn around and come home, but I just kept thinking about what everyone had said to me. I also kept thinking that I really needed to this for myself and family. I did exactly what My Path to Peace said to do and think about all the good things about doing this.
When I was feeling anxious this morning, I tried listening to my session (which I'm on session 2). Honestly, it didn't help because it just made me feel more anxious. So my advise to anyone who feels anxious, don't listen to the session. Only do that when you are calm and can comprehend everything Lucinda says.
I was so excited that I did it. I even played a little trick on my husband when he got home. I had this sad look on my face and he said you didn't do it did you? I said I just couldn't. I had my card (which you get to enter the plant) hidden underneath some stuff. I couldn't hold it any longer. I pulled out the card and showed it to me. He gave me the biggest hug and congratulated me.
If after having anxiety for 17 years and not being able to do anything at all and then doing what I did today, there is hope.
The program is the most wonderful program I've come across and believe me I've been through it all! Now I just need to award myself for doing something that I thought I would never in a million years do! I'm going to the mall to buy Lucinda's book. I think that is the best thing I can do for myself.
Thank you again to everyone for your support and very kind words. I don't know what I would have done without them. I will keep everyone informed about my job which starts Wednesday morning. I'm so excited to finally be going somewhere where I was welcomed and know most of the people. I know it will be great. I'm also going to complete this program and be the best person I can be for myself and family!
I hope my story has inspired anybody trying new things. If I can do what I did today, anybody can do exactly what they want to do!
So excited to be alive again,
Debra
When I was feeling anxious this morning, I tried listening to my session (which I'm on session 2). Honestly, it didn't help because it just made me feel more anxious. So my advise to anyone who feels anxious, don't listen to the session. Only do that when you are calm and can comprehend everything Lucinda says.
I was so excited that I did it. I even played a little trick on my husband when he got home. I had this sad look on my face and he said you didn't do it did you? I said I just couldn't. I had my card (which you get to enter the plant) hidden underneath some stuff. I couldn't hold it any longer. I pulled out the card and showed it to me. He gave me the biggest hug and congratulated me.
If after having anxiety for 17 years and not being able to do anything at all and then doing what I did today, there is hope.
The program is the most wonderful program I've come across and believe me I've been through it all! Now I just need to award myself for doing something that I thought I would never in a million years do! I'm going to the mall to buy Lucinda's book. I think that is the best thing I can do for myself.
Thank you again to everyone for your support and very kind words. I don't know what I would have done without them. I will keep everyone informed about my job which starts Wednesday morning. I'm so excited to finally be going somewhere where I was welcomed and know most of the people. I know it will be great. I'm also going to complete this program and be the best person I can be for myself and family!
I hope my story has inspired anybody trying new things. If I can do what I did today, anybody can do exactly what they want to do!
So excited to be alive again,
Debra
<span class="ev_code_RED">WHAT GREAT NEWS!!!</span>
I'm so happy for you, and proud. You are so inspiring. You're right, if you can do this, so can the rest of us.
You are well on your way!! Great Job!!! Keep it up!!! You can do this!!!
Just take it one step at a time. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed.
Remember your positive self talk. Keep your cards in your pocket and look them over in the bathroom on break!
Way to go!!
<span class="ev_code_RED">CONGRATULATIONS!!</span>
I'm so happy for you, and proud. You are so inspiring. You're right, if you can do this, so can the rest of us.
You are well on your way!! Great Job!!! Keep it up!!! You can do this!!!
Just take it one step at a time. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed.
Remember your positive self talk. Keep your cards in your pocket and look them over in the bathroom on break!
Way to go!!
<span class="ev_code_RED">CONGRATULATIONS!!</span>
Update...
Well, I did it again. I started my new job today. It was rough going this morning because I always seem to have the worse panic in the mornings. All I did today was my orientation and run into a bunch of old faces I had worked with. It was such an awesome feeling getting back into the real world and talking with people again. Even though it was a very exhausting day, I'm so looking forward to continuing to improve. I know there will be set backs, but I also know that I can do this for myself and family. Will keep you posted on my progress. It will be great!
Thank you again for all of your support,
Debra
Well, I did it again. I started my new job today. It was rough going this morning because I always seem to have the worse panic in the mornings. All I did today was my orientation and run into a bunch of old faces I had worked with. It was such an awesome feeling getting back into the real world and talking with people again. Even though it was a very exhausting day, I'm so looking forward to continuing to improve. I know there will be set backs, but I also know that I can do this for myself and family. Will keep you posted on my progress. It will be great!
Thank you again for all of your support,
Debra
Debra -
It was very interesting reading as you transitioned through the days from total negetive thinking, to positive thinking. It just goes to show as i have tried to share in this community how anxiety is a state of mind and not a medical condition. Oh sure they have given it a name, but truely don't you think had you not gone to the interview you would be in horrible shape right now? Of course. But now you are in great shape, HAVE A JOB GIRLFRIEND HEYYYYY! And like Fergie sings in her one song "And i'm back"...you are back!
I would take the time to sit and ask your self even write down in two columns- what were my fears 2 days ago title one colum what if i succeed and the other what if i fail. Then compare those fear base thoughts to this very day and how you have conquoured them. I say this because as you begin to gain control again of your working enviornment, negetive thinking may have a tendency to step and say all sorts of different things to your mind and you dont want that.
Awareness and facing your fears is what got you through this, now take that extra step to CLOSE IT OUT, darlin. Go in and see what makes you panic in the morning, yah wake up in a bad mood and right away we think we are gonna screw the whole day up! Heck everyone wakes up in a bad mood at one point in there life. If your anxious in the morning sit there for a minute and count your hundreds of blessings to include your loving husband that you could spend cuddle time with instead of worry time with yourself.
Now get out there and be the best you can be, they wanted you back and "your back"...Yeahoooo!
RB
It was very interesting reading as you transitioned through the days from total negetive thinking, to positive thinking. It just goes to show as i have tried to share in this community how anxiety is a state of mind and not a medical condition. Oh sure they have given it a name, but truely don't you think had you not gone to the interview you would be in horrible shape right now? Of course. But now you are in great shape, HAVE A JOB GIRLFRIEND HEYYYYY! And like Fergie sings in her one song "And i'm back"...you are back!
I would take the time to sit and ask your self even write down in two columns- what were my fears 2 days ago title one colum what if i succeed and the other what if i fail. Then compare those fear base thoughts to this very day and how you have conquoured them. I say this because as you begin to gain control again of your working enviornment, negetive thinking may have a tendency to step and say all sorts of different things to your mind and you dont want that.
Awareness and facing your fears is what got you through this, now take that extra step to CLOSE IT OUT, darlin. Go in and see what makes you panic in the morning, yah wake up in a bad mood and right away we think we are gonna screw the whole day up! Heck everyone wakes up in a bad mood at one point in there life. If your anxious in the morning sit there for a minute and count your hundreds of blessings to include your loving husband that you could spend cuddle time with instead of worry time with yourself.
Now get out there and be the best you can be, they wanted you back and "your back"...Yeahoooo!
RB
Set back. I woke up this morning feeling more anxious than ever! I have gone every day this week doing new things as posted above. I called in this morning to say I would be late. I tried driving to work this morning, but turned around and came home. I don't know what happened. I felt anxious all week doing the new things that I've done, getting through all the testing and starting a new (and old) job. What happened? I tried the self talk, didn't work. I tried the relaxation cd, didn't work. I feel so tired right now. I don't even want to go into work now.
I did have an incident with the woman I'm replacing at work. I don't care for her very much. She is so rude to people. It really bothered me. She treats me with total disrespect. I had several people make comments about how rude she was to them. I know I shouldn't let that bother me because in a few days she will be gone and I'll have that position all to my self. Why am I letting that bother me? I know I can't "control" what other people do, but I just want to scream at her and tell her to stop it, YOU ARE LEAVING, BE NICE! But I'm too afraid to do this, why?
On another note. Does smoking make your anxiety worse. I know that caffeine and sugar make it worse. Do cigarrets do the same thing? I've noticed that when I'm having a panic attack that I don't smoke because I'm already having a hard time breathing and it seems to make it worse.
I also don't eat like I should. I threw up this morning. My stomach hurts. I feel like I can't leave the house because I may throw up or even worse. I don't seem to have control of what my stomach is going to do from day to day!
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? I can't keep doing this or I'll loose yet another job. This was the job I had been waiting for for three years and I'm about to throw all of that away.
Please help!
Debra
I did have an incident with the woman I'm replacing at work. I don't care for her very much. She is so rude to people. It really bothered me. She treats me with total disrespect. I had several people make comments about how rude she was to them. I know I shouldn't let that bother me because in a few days she will be gone and I'll have that position all to my self. Why am I letting that bother me? I know I can't "control" what other people do, but I just want to scream at her and tell her to stop it, YOU ARE LEAVING, BE NICE! But I'm too afraid to do this, why?
On another note. Does smoking make your anxiety worse. I know that caffeine and sugar make it worse. Do cigarrets do the same thing? I've noticed that when I'm having a panic attack that I don't smoke because I'm already having a hard time breathing and it seems to make it worse.
I also don't eat like I should. I threw up this morning. My stomach hurts. I feel like I can't leave the house because I may throw up or even worse. I don't seem to have control of what my stomach is going to do from day to day!
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? I can't keep doing this or I'll loose yet another job. This was the job I had been waiting for for three years and I'm about to throw all of that away.
Please help!
Debra
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justplainscared
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:20 pm
Debra -
Here is a suggestion, perhaps your wrapped up in the wrong ideas about what an employee is supposed to do while at work since it has been so long off-work, so many things have changed in our fast paced corporate world.
For example lets say that I own a company I have this potential employee that I would like to hire on. I spend the money training them, getting them into a position while the person being replaced is still there can train them. My expectations would be they come to work-learn their job-and be prepared to take over as soon as possible with the experience they stated they have for the job that I hired them to do.
It would aggrevate me greatly if I caught wind of other employees, that I am paying to be on their job, taking it upon themselves to individually approach my new employee and gossip about other's in the company, knowing that person is not present to defend themself, if at all there is any truth to what is being said or where the rumor mill "actually" began.
Perhaps a long walk this 3 day weekend to relook at your priorities as an employee of this company. It is with surprise that you have taken on this attitude so early on in your employement but have no clue as to why your feeling so bad, sick to your stomach, and wondering if you should even return.
Often I read in this community of people haggeling over their 'problems', being negetive from start to finish, taking drugs to cope, and for the life of them cannot figure out why one minute they feel great and the next the whole world has come to an end. A reasonable approach to resolution in your new employement and home life would be to stick to your own concerns, eliminate those around you drownding you with negetive feedback and just concentrate on the job you were hired to do. Hmmm?
RB
Here is a suggestion, perhaps your wrapped up in the wrong ideas about what an employee is supposed to do while at work since it has been so long off-work, so many things have changed in our fast paced corporate world.
For example lets say that I own a company I have this potential employee that I would like to hire on. I spend the money training them, getting them into a position while the person being replaced is still there can train them. My expectations would be they come to work-learn their job-and be prepared to take over as soon as possible with the experience they stated they have for the job that I hired them to do.
It would aggrevate me greatly if I caught wind of other employees, that I am paying to be on their job, taking it upon themselves to individually approach my new employee and gossip about other's in the company, knowing that person is not present to defend themself, if at all there is any truth to what is being said or where the rumor mill "actually" began.
Perhaps a long walk this 3 day weekend to relook at your priorities as an employee of this company. It is with surprise that you have taken on this attitude so early on in your employement but have no clue as to why your feeling so bad, sick to your stomach, and wondering if you should even return.
Often I read in this community of people haggeling over their 'problems', being negetive from start to finish, taking drugs to cope, and for the life of them cannot figure out why one minute they feel great and the next the whole world has come to an end. A reasonable approach to resolution in your new employement and home life would be to stick to your own concerns, eliminate those around you drownding you with negetive feedback and just concentrate on the job you were hired to do. Hmmm?
RB
Dear Debra,I am so sorry you had a bad day, I believe this does happen to us who have bad anxiety, we are told on our C.D.s to try our best, & I think you did very well, Tomorrow is another day, & once you have a rest & relax you will most likely feel much better,,,I can understand why you got up set at that woman that was so rude, you are on the edge of your nerves & you did not need that. I,m sure you are a very nice person & hope that people treat you the way you would treat them...The lettler I read earlyer seem very heartless, we are all trying to do the best we can, so take it easy, & have a peacefull & restfull week-end,,Zarina