Why it's not your fault!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Mon May 25, 2009 2:05 am

Often most of us blame ourselves for being the way we are when we are depressed and anxious. We feel aweful because we function below average, we struggle to do things and we just aren't as productive as we or other people would like us to be. It is very easy to fall into this trap as before we had anxiety and depression we had some rules for ourselves and the world and all of a sudden we don't have what it takes to meet many of those rules and we wind up beating ourselves up for this, creating negative labels for ourselves (ie.Bad, Worthless) and reinforcing those labels. We also weren't trainned to deal with certain things in our lives like criticism, herassment and yes Anxiety and Depression. How can you do well at something if you don't know how to do it? If you've never piloted a plane would it be reasonable to be expected to do this and do a good job? I don't think so!

Is this your fault? People suffering with depression and many of the people that interact with these people might seem to think so but actually it's not. First of all nobody chooses to feel depression and anxiety, it's painful and why would anybody on earth want to feel this kind of pain? You shoulda, woulda, coulda all you want but you still have this pain. You also don't know when it does strike as we don't have all the knowledge in the world, that is also not your fault. Would you blame someone for being physically injured who was unexpectedly hit in a car accident that wasn't in their control at all? Probabbly not. Think of it this way, depression is that other car...you didn't know it was coming but you still got hurt from it.

Also when it comes to shoulds, we are constantly saying we should be able to do this or that. I believe most of this comes from wanting to fit in. We see that many other people are able to do certain things but we can't seem to do them and we feel inadequate for this. Realistically, you shouldn't be able to do those things at least not as effectively. It is a FACT that depression reduces many things like our ability to think clearly, our production, our energy, our speed, our enthusiasm and such. If we have Depression then chances are we are going to struggle so all we really get from our shoulds is dissapointment. When we cannot fulfill our shoulds we get to feel inadequate, it reinforces how much of a bad or worthless person we are and it makes it seem like our efforts are worthless and like nothing we do is going to make a diffrence so whats the point of even trying. The more we beat ourselves up, should ourselves and not accept that what we're feeling, the longer we keep this anxiety and depression going. We don't like and wish it would go away but it isn't reasonable to just leave all at once.

In order to get to the end of the tunnel we need to make the steps towards it. The light starts off faint as we begin to educate ourselves, as we begin to learn how to handle the situations that we are afraid of or not prepared for. Every accomplishment we make towards our happiness (journalling, breathing techniques...etc) will make that light slightly more clear. In reverse, the more we focus on the depression and how we don't want it the dimmer the light gets. Don't expect yourself to walk the whole length of the tunnel in one day. That could be as overwhelming as trying to walk to the exact other side of the earth.

Mike

liberal1964 · Post by **liberal1964** » Mon May 25, 2009 3:06 am

Hey Mike,

That was very well said! I always enjoy reading your opinion, don't stop writing about what you're thinking about. You have no idea how much it's helping people like us!!

Bill

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Mon May 25, 2009 11:32 am

Liberal1964

Hey thank you very much. You have no idea how much I enjoy replies like that. I really enjoy being able to share my thoughts and ideas with you guys and it's just an added bonus when i get replies like that. So Thank you.

Mike