Lost and Lonely

ali04 · Post by **ali04** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 7:02 am

Hi All. I am trying again to get through the program successfully. I am harboring so much hurt from my family. I am the youngest of 6 and always have felt like I was a mistake. All my siblings are so much older the closest to my age is my sister 5 years older. She has so many of her own problems. I live away from all my family not by choice but my husband is in the military. Anyways it doesn't matter because hardly anyone as nieces, nephews, etc. keep in touch with me and my family. They always seem to call my other sister that always gets recogition for everything and is so special andloved dearly. She has a big heart but so do I. All i have ever heard is how spoiled I was. Which is so untrue. I worked since I was 13 and came from a divorced home with a dad that was a bad alcoholic. Is it common for the baby of the family to be labeled spoiled. Anyways it just seems like family members in the past have so negative and mean about what they have had to say about and if truly has hurt and effected me. My question is is there hope for recovery and for me to quit being so negative as far as the way I think about so many of them. For example my niece who is 24 was always very close to me, I was a good aunt before I started family and was able to buy them things etc. but I worked then also. Anyways I am so hurt by this one niece that just is so cold towards me and was always there for her. She now tells my older sister everthing because her mom is so disfunctional. Anyways I can't figure out if I am hurt or jealous. Or both. This niece is now married with 2 kids and lives near my mom and stepdad which is hard because I wish my mom could be around my own kids more. I am the only one in the family with younger kids as far as my moms kids because all my neices nephews are grown up. That comes from the big in ages with me and my siblings where I am like and only child. It is difficult because When we are together looking at old pictures etc. it's all of them and I was not even thought of. I have to accept it but I get so depressed because I try so hard and none of them are really there for me. my stepdad when we lived near them was always annoyed by my son but will jump through hoops for my niece and her son. It does hurt but if i say anything all they say is I'm jealous or so sensitive so what do I do just live in pain and hurt. I have my own children and am married but I still want be involved with everyone and included in but I guess it just is never going to be that way. Sometimes it does make resentful to the one of my sisters 7 years older that everyone runs to and involves her in everything and sees all her good qualities and I feel overlooked always. I am so sensitive and cry very easlily and I wonder is there help and hope for me. Thanks for letting me vent, I have no one to talk to and my husband doesn't want to hear it. I can tell in my voice when talking to my mom and she tells stuff about my niece that it bothers me. Any advice that i can use to help through this please. I feel so alone and like I am the only feeling this way. Sorry for any mistakes I was typing fast as I was venting.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:25 am

Go through the program again, Ali. Stick with it and stay with each tape or cd for one week. Do the workbook. When you are through go to the tapes that you know you need extra help with. Study them. Listen to them. Learn how to talk differently to yourself and really be committed to your own healing. Don't blame others for anything. Look at how you can do things differently NOW. How can you see things differently NOW. Persevere. Develop a healthy attitude that you can carry with you throughout our lifetime.

Also, learn how to stand up for yourself and how to let go of people that are not good for you. Be your own best friend and find things you can do in your community that will help you get out of your loneliness. It won't be easy but you can do it. Work hard and make this program work for you.

Jeremy · Post by **Jeremy** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 5:11 pm

wow! Thanks for sharing and getting some of that off your chest. You have a lot of things going on that would bother anyone. Please don't harbor the hurt. You have been overlooked and undervalued by important people in your life. That is their loss. You are not a mistake. Being military is a very difficult life, makes it tough to put down roots and feelings of belonging. I sure appreciate you and your husband for being an important twig in the hedge of protection around this country. You both are making a sacrifice that is very much appreciated by me. You have been hurt and not appreciated, that is okay that you feel bad about that, anyone would. There is tremendous hope for you, please believe that!! My advice, keep reading and posting and as Boon said in the previous post, be your own best friend!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:55 am

Originally posted by Boon: Thanks Boon for the advice. I am working again on the program, and also just started reading the book what to say when you talk to yourself. I am really wanting to get better and learn to stand up for myself, which is tough when you have been a doormat the majority of your life. Thanks again for all the support.
Go through the program again, Ali. Stick with it and stay with each tape or cd for one week. Do the workbook. When you are through go to the tapes that you know you need extra help with. Study them. Listen to them. Learn how to talk differently to yourself and really be committed to your own healing. Don't blame others for anything. Look at how you can do things differently NOW. How can you see things differently NOW. Persevere. Develop a healthy attitude that you can carry with you throughout our lifetime.

Also, learn how to stand up for yourself and how to let go of people that are not good for you. Be your own best friend and find things you can do in your community that will help you get out of your loneliness. It won't be easy but you can do it. Work hard and make this program work for you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:59 am

Thanks mtnbkr for the encouragement and for taking the time to reply. I so appreciate it and feel alot better. I am way to hard on myself and always finding my faults. Thanks for recognizing how diff. the mil. life can be and all the sacrifices we make. I hope I can learn to be my own best friend. Thanks again!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 19, 2009 4:26 pm

Hi. I am also having family problems. My sister got me the program and it took me awhile to have the courage to start it. Today I started it and called her to thank her and she immediately started pressuring me about what I hadn't done yet. She demanded specifics and I stood up for myself and told her what Lucinda said about our brains shutting down as a survival thing and that her pressure was too much for me to deal with right now. So she yelled at me that SHE felt attacked. I think my whole family needs this program. We ended up yelling and she hung up on me. I feel so alone and hurt and angry. She's a psychologist and she tells me it's OK to be myself, but then when I'm open, she blows up at me and takes it personally. I just don't want her pressuring me. I'm hard enough on myself already. Can anyone out there give me any encouragment?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 20, 2009 2:10 pm

Boon's advice pretty much is on target. You don't need other persons to tell you what to do. IT IS ALL UP TO YOU. Do the program it works. Each step is like a brick. Nutrition, exercise, diet and the relaxation tape is really important. Only you can do it no one else.