Ruined marriage?

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 8:00 am

Hi Enough,

I read your post, and found a few things I can relate to.

Please slow down a little, and take a few breathes to help bring you down a bit. Please give yourselves the chance to have some normalcy as your suffer through these hard times.

I see you as a very strong willed person. I won't get into your husband, even though I felt similar things in my relationship. But, I know better now. Of course your husband wants you to get better, but he makes you feel that he doesn't understand what you are going through. That's because he doesn't understand.

I know how difficult going through the program can be sometimes, and it sounds that you are being overwhelmed by the many demands on your time. Moreover, it doesn't help matters much that your husband is out of work, and of course he seems depressed, because he doesn't feel productive and maybe can't seem to at least help out around the house. Please try to be understanding about this for him. Give him his space and opportunity to sort out what he is going to do to get back on his feet. It will happen, but it may take a bit more time. It doesn't help that we have a lousey economy, so things are going to be tight. But, we can't do anything about these things, so you need to focus on the things you can do at the moment.

If you get home and your husband has not cleaned up around the house, let it go. If he can't bring himself to prepare dinner, plan to have prepared meals that you can just nuke and serve in less than 30 minutes.

I don't know where you might be in to the program, but you need to focus on the fact that you are in control of your own thoughts, your feelings and the way you react to things.

When you are going home, listen to relaxing music or maybe you can pick up a radio station that may help you laugh, until you get home. Then, before you go in, stop and do your breathing and relaxation exercises. Try to smile, life is too short to carry all the unhappiness you are carry around.

All the negativity floating around is brought on by much of what you think, and fuel by rehashing these things in your mind. You can do something about all of this, by flipping it around and changing the way you think of things and look at them. It's that glass half empty half full thing. Get and Stay positive. If a negative thought enters, flip it to the positive, if you can't do that, revert to the breathing and then look toward distracting, or occupying your mind with other things.

I will pray for you and your family and household.

Heavenly Father, Daddy God, incline your ear and hear and answer your humble servants prayer. I raise these children and their household up to you.

Lord, I pray that you send forth your precious Holy Spirit and fill and provide your little girl Enoughisenough with all that she needs to be able to go each day minute by minute and moment by moment so that she can live the life you meant for all of your children to have.

Lord, You know her, and the burdens she is carrying and that she is distressed about. I plead for her that you may provide her husband a fulfilling and satisfying job that will help him regain his sense of self worth and be the provider that You would have him to be.

Lord, I pray that You be her constant companion, comforter and consoler.

Lord, I pray that Your peace be upon them and that all their days be filled with the joy You want for all your children.

Lord, I pray that these prayers rise up unto You as a sweet fragrance that is acceptable to You.

Lord, I pray that if anything I have prayed is unacceptable to You, that You recognize my human frailty and extend Your forgiveness, mercy, and loving kindness to me.

I raise this prayer and supplication in your precious Son's Holy Name. Yeshua!

Hugs to you and your family,

Gman5256

enough is enough · Post by **enough is enough** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:45 pm

GMAN5256,

Thank you so much for the encouraging words. Let me start by saying my husband is not all that bad. He cooks dinner and it is ready for me when I get home. He also does the laundry and other things around the house. I remember reading in Lucinda's book that this disorder is selfish and I believe that to be true. When I come home from work dinner is ready and my husband then wants quiet time. Therefore I must do dishes and try to keep kids quiet and get them ready for bed. I must give baths and help oldest with homework. I shop one night a week and take my daughter to swimming class by the time I done I just want to relax. I want to listen to the tapes journal and just take time for me. If I do that this will leave no time for husband and I just want so bad to get better. He just wants my attention. I did something for him yesterday and today he washed all my work clothes. So he was happy so I guess I will try to be a little more attentive because he was nice and I had little aniexty.

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:12 am

Hi E,

I thank God that things are not as bad as they seemed to me, from what I read. I guess sometimes I see or project the worse of the situation, and that makes me go off on having to try to manage the stress that it brings me.

I do believe this disorder is selfish and consumes a lot our time, in my case, I think I am over compensating with my focus to others, and it is taking a toll on me. I find that I have to get away from the forum or else I won't be any good to anyone.

It is good that you spent some time and attention for your husband. He might also be suffering from anxiety about things he can do to help out and care for you. That was a great thing you did.

One of the things that I have learned from my Christian walk, is not to be selfish and keep His love for me all pent up inside me, but instead to give as much as I can away to all. That is how this little lamp of mine can best shine. By simply not hoarding His love and kindness to me.

I think the disorder is selfish, but I should not be. I hope this makes sense to you and others that read this. Maybe I am just naive, but maybe that is the approach He wants us to have. After all, He did say to come to him as a child, and that is also why I pray as a child and call Him Daddy God.

When I pray or speak to God, I picture myself as a little child, begging his parents for stuff, and what parent would deny their child their children's desire, if it were possible for them to give. Well, I believe that with God as our Daddy, anything is possible and he will grant our every request and desire. Isn't that a beautiful thing?

Hugs, In His Love-

Gman5256

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