Are toddlers making me crazy, or did I just happen to get crazy?

frustratedmom · Post by **frustratedmom** » Tue Feb 10, 2009 10:16 am

I have never posted before today. Does this elicit responses from StressCenter.com support staff? Or, anyone that can offer tips, would be great.

I'm (anxious) to get relief soon. I have felt depressed for a few years and now I suppose, anxious. I am a working mom of two toddlers and don't understand why I have become so stressed. I do nothing. It's not like I'm supermom. I have become obsessed in my head with being supermom, however. Though I do nothing about it. I just beat myself up over all the things I "should" be doing with them.

I don't know if this program is for me and I constantly doubt if I will feel better in the end. I am seeking such quick relief and conclusions that I'm psyching myself out. I'm on session 3 but don't feel that I can devote the time that it suggests. Hence, failure and I will only have myself to blame. Everywhere I turn i.e. therapists and doctors tell me to go on antidepressants. I'm scared to death of them. Tried them once or twice and within the first pill or two, I felt crazy in the head.

I SO desperately want to feel like my old self again that it's eating away at me. I can remember so recently feeling really good about things. I'm still pretty confident for the most part and don't have that much fear, (accept now - fear that I will feel sick with anxiety or have a mild panic attack like I think I did once or twice). I get like waves of depression or anxiety. Does anyone get that? It's not like an anticipated event or something fearful will turn it on, it's like a wave when I think about "what if I were to get sad or anxious about...". I can usually get passed it by distracting myself or focusing on my breathing but it's growing very old and I'm exhausted from thinking about it so much.

So, with the little time I have I try to listen to each session twice and do the relaxation once a day. I try to get in a brisk walk 3 times per week and I eat right. I never had a lot of caffeine so I don't think it has ever caused a problem.

Is this enough effort for results? I'm doing the best I can with it with the time I have.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:37 pm

I can relate, my anxiety problem started after I had my son. My mom was not a good mom and I think when I became a mom I set my expectations of myself way too high. I too constantly beat myself up. After session 3, which is my favorite so far, I'm working on being compassionate with myself, which is hard because I never have before, but its kind of nice and us moms deserve more compassion from ourselves. I don't know why we have to be so hard on ourselves? I have a 4 year old son and work full time so I really struggled with where to I squeez the program into my day. At first I would have anxiety thinking about doing the program then get frustrated and depressed because I didn't think I had the time. So, now I'm on session 6 and I figured out what works the best for me is putting my CD player in the bathroom and I listen to the program while I shower and get ready for work in the morning. Sometimes I will listen to it in my car on my lunch or while driving. I feel exercise really helps me stay calm, so I will listen while on my treadmill at 5:30am in the morning before work (I know that sounds awful,huh?), but I sure feel better all day! Then other times I will listen to my disc-man in bed at night and I will listen to either the relaxation CD or the session CD (but I only put a ear-phone in one ear so with the other I can hear my little guy). I completely understand how overwhelmed you can feel at times, and I still get that way sometimes but I guess all we can do is our best and stick with it. You can always go back to a session too, I have if I feel like I didn't put my time in with it. We definately are thinkers and I know what you mean too about anticipating the bad feelings. I hate that about myself but I think the more we learn and practice the better we will get at overcoming all of this. I am noticing that I am gaining control over my anxious/depressed feelings more and more because I'm doing the program, so try your best to just go with it, be kind to yourself and give yourself credit that you are such a good mom that you are taking this step to better yourself for your kids. Hope I was of a little help, wish I could give you a mom-to-mom hug, good luck, you will do great. Sincerely, Misty

Ocean · Post by **Ocean** » Tue Feb 10, 2009 3:09 pm

Wow I can relate to you guys. My anxiety started after having my son. He is 15 months now. It was REALLY bad when he was 3 months. My mom left me when I was 10. She has been on and off drugs ever since. I think that is where my anxiety is related to. I try to be supermom but I dont think there is such thing anymore. I just love my son with everything I have and pray. I just cant wait for the day when I can just relax and stop worrying all the time with the what if's?? My biggest fear is that I would snap and leave my son but I am starting to realize that people dont snap. It is something that is always in them. I love the saying a negative influence is better than a positive one because you know what not to do. Good luck ladies and know that it is all normal what you feel even though it doesnt feel so at times.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 10, 2009 3:11 pm

Oh and I totally understand your fear of anti depressents. I had a really bad reaction to 2 and vowed them off after that. I think I am just to sensitive to meds.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 3:35 pm

Hi,Hang in there cause I am with you. I know about the whole not having a good mom thing. It is all I have ever wanted. It is only human nature to want to be nurtured and loved by your mom. Seems no one else could fill that empty hole. I tried to be everything my mom wasn't and I don't know how. My 9 year old daughter told me (when the anxiety started) mommy please don't cry. Then she would get upset and say "I just want my old mommy back". I had to send my kids to my husbands parents for 5 months and later found out that they tried to get him to sign custody over to them. Thank God he said no. They have been back with me for over a year and I am handling it, now that I realize what I am dealing with. At one point I couldn't get out of bed, and could barely walk. I got down to 113 lbs. You just gotta take it one day at at time though I know it is hard, but that is how I have been doing it. One saying that is comforting to me during times of panic are "I am uncomfortable but I am ok". It really works, especially on those trips to walmart. That is how I get through it. But I still get a ride.