Need reasurrance
HI everyone my name is Chrissie and I am on my 3rd week of the program. I really find it very comforting and am very excited for my future. One thing I have learned is that I have to start to treat myself the way I treat my friends, take the advice I give and love me the way I unconditionally love others. I still have my days where I am feeling and thinking negative but when I do I instantly start my breathing and it subsides. The reason I am writing today is because I am planning on having a yard sale tomorrow and Saturday and its something I have been preparing for and putting off for 2 months now. I have had yard sales before so I know what to expect but for some reason I am experiencing anxiety over it. Negative thoughts as to is this going to take more effort than I have to give. I am dreading it, however I know if I continue to put it off then I will stress about the fact that I put it off yet again. I keep telling myself I can do this, I need to do this, theres nothing to be afraid of and I try to figure out why just the thought of doing it makes me so anxious. I know when ever my friends feel this way about things I am always the first to give words of encouragement to make them feel better but I am not good at giving them to myself. I know actually going through it is another step closer to getting better but I am in need of some encouragement. I have procrastinated even asking others cause I know I should get it from myself first but I am having a hard time and since my friends don't see me as this weak person I am not sure they would understand my feelings where I am sure some of you here do. This is my first post here and I am hoping to get some positive feed back. Thank You for listening. Chrissie M.
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Guest
Hi Chrissie:
first of all, it is not two months ago it is now. You have started this program, you are ready for the yard sale as far as preparing for it and you are not the same person you were two months ago. Just getting on this forum shows us that....you are naming the problem..your anxiety...and you are asking for help. Lots of big changes in two months...just goes to show you that you can do this and you will feel great once it is done. Ask yourself what is there to be scared of...write it down, think about the truth of the statements as they are probably all false, and replace with empowering new thoughts and look at the truth about them. Do the sale a day at a time. If you can't do the second day tell yourself what a good job you did on the first day and celebrate that and yourself. I know it is very hard to love yourself....still struggle with it that is why you have us....you can do this and you will grow. Let me know how you make out. Peace to your heart.
Cris
first of all, it is not two months ago it is now. You have started this program, you are ready for the yard sale as far as preparing for it and you are not the same person you were two months ago. Just getting on this forum shows us that....you are naming the problem..your anxiety...and you are asking for help. Lots of big changes in two months...just goes to show you that you can do this and you will feel great once it is done. Ask yourself what is there to be scared of...write it down, think about the truth of the statements as they are probably all false, and replace with empowering new thoughts and look at the truth about them. Do the sale a day at a time. If you can't do the second day tell yourself what a good job you did on the first day and celebrate that and yourself. I know it is very hard to love yourself....still struggle with it that is why you have us....you can do this and you will grow. Let me know how you make out. Peace to your heart.
Cris
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Guest
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Angel Eyes
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 5:51 pm
Hi Chrissie...welcome! Hope you're out selling away in your yard! As you yourself said, you've hard yardsales before, so you know what to expect...I'm presuming your statement implies that the past yard sales have been successful?!! Also, I bring this up with the utmost respect, as this is an area that I too struggle in... as you said, when your friends feel this way, you know what to say to help them better (presuming again, that you don't find them "weak" in these moments)...and yet when the tables are turned and you/we're feeling this way, we're "weak"...as I said, I too struggle with this, so my post is every bit for my own good as well as for you! Of course we're not "weak"...everybody has hurdles, mountains, etc to deal with and ideally we're all here to help each other in our times of need. Please let yourself help you as well as your friends/loved ones!
Best wishes to you and let us know how it all turned out for you!!
Hugs to you!
Best wishes to you and let us know how it all turned out for you!!
Hugs to you!
DANICA
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Guest
Welcome. I don't have any good advice for your immediate questions, but I love yard sales. I haven't been to one in years! Imagine, each time a visitor arrives to look at all the interesting things, that they are really enjoying themselves. All that happy energy seems like a positive thing you can benefit from since it is your yard sale. I've never been to a yard sale where people arrived grumpy. I hope you have a successful non anxious event.
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Guest
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Guest
Well just an update, I wrote this post at around 730 am this morning and had every intention of going out today and putting the ad in the paper and getting the permit to have the yard sale tomorrow and Saturday, as the day progressed and it was time to go get the permit and do the ad I started to have a severe anxiety attack and began thinking about all the negatives of having the YS, for one the weather in Fl has been 95+ degrees. second, I would be doing this on my own... ie..setting up, putting all the stuff out, pricing everything and trying to make sure all my 8yr olds needs as well as my 15 mth olds needs were being met. My husband works like a dog and is never home so he wouldn't be able to help cause he wouldn't be here. When I started thinking about all of this combined with the fact that although I have tons of stuff in my garage ready to go out theres still tons more I could find to sell and I feel that If I am going to do this thing I want to make sure I get everything out so when its over what ever I don't sell goes to charity so I don't have to re clutter my house.
When I called my husband to tell him that I had changed my mind yet again and was having anxiety about doing it he said ok, dont do it then and then proceeded to start talking about something else. I was a little upset that he didnt try to talk me through the feelings I was having but he is clueless to what I go through. And then again tonight he called me while he was on his dinner break and I was telling him about posting this morning and then now explaining to him that I went here for feed back and how I feel like a loser/failure and dont understand what the big deal is because its not like I have never had a yard sale before and before I could get another word out he totally changed the subject and started talking about something that has nothing what so ever to do with what I was telling him. When We first listened to the CD that explains all this to your spouse, Lucinda was talking about how sometimes men will say things like, why cant you just control it and I thought to myself , my husband doesn't say that to me and he doesn't, what he also doesn't do is try to encourage me to focus or bring to my attention what is going on and say that it will be ok. I get confused with somethings because I hear all the time that we are the only ones who can make choices in our life that will effect us so when things happen to us in our lives its our own fault and I find it hard to deal with when I have no one to lean on because someone can not help or sympathies with what I'm going through if they don't understand it.
That is so frustrating to me and depresses me a lot, however I know that it will be ok eventually. I have truly had second thoughts about this program and have thought a couple times now that I want to just send it back because I am beyond help and why waste the money, on the other hand on the days when I am feeling good, I would have paid a million dollars to not ever feel this hopeless and worthless ever again. When I try to think of whats really holding me back from having this yard sale I focused on the fact that I was really gung ho and actually excited to do it finally seeing as how I have been putting it off for 2 months now always making excuses to put it off another week. What I wonder is why, not having it and seeing all this stuff clutter my house is stressful in and of itself yet when it was time to actually pay for the permit and pay for the ad in the paper I freaked, almost as if I knew once I did that there was no turning back and that scared the hell out of me. Like once I took that final step it was out of my hands and then I had to do it, like I lost control of the situation and would feel forced to do it and feeling forced makes me afraid and not want to do anything. I have dealt with depression in some form or another most of my life but it wasn't until about 6 months ago I really started becoming an introvert. Not wanting to leave the house or do anything that took any amount of effort and it makes living this way very challenging for me. Well anyway I have veered off the subject here and gotten into a few different things I have been dealing with but the bottom line is I called off the Yard sale yet again. I guess I am just not ready. I wish I could understand why... Thanks for listening and for your positive words.
When I called my husband to tell him that I had changed my mind yet again and was having anxiety about doing it he said ok, dont do it then and then proceeded to start talking about something else. I was a little upset that he didnt try to talk me through the feelings I was having but he is clueless to what I go through. And then again tonight he called me while he was on his dinner break and I was telling him about posting this morning and then now explaining to him that I went here for feed back and how I feel like a loser/failure and dont understand what the big deal is because its not like I have never had a yard sale before and before I could get another word out he totally changed the subject and started talking about something that has nothing what so ever to do with what I was telling him. When We first listened to the CD that explains all this to your spouse, Lucinda was talking about how sometimes men will say things like, why cant you just control it and I thought to myself , my husband doesn't say that to me and he doesn't, what he also doesn't do is try to encourage me to focus or bring to my attention what is going on and say that it will be ok. I get confused with somethings because I hear all the time that we are the only ones who can make choices in our life that will effect us so when things happen to us in our lives its our own fault and I find it hard to deal with when I have no one to lean on because someone can not help or sympathies with what I'm going through if they don't understand it.
That is so frustrating to me and depresses me a lot, however I know that it will be ok eventually. I have truly had second thoughts about this program and have thought a couple times now that I want to just send it back because I am beyond help and why waste the money, on the other hand on the days when I am feeling good, I would have paid a million dollars to not ever feel this hopeless and worthless ever again. When I try to think of whats really holding me back from having this yard sale I focused on the fact that I was really gung ho and actually excited to do it finally seeing as how I have been putting it off for 2 months now always making excuses to put it off another week. What I wonder is why, not having it and seeing all this stuff clutter my house is stressful in and of itself yet when it was time to actually pay for the permit and pay for the ad in the paper I freaked, almost as if I knew once I did that there was no turning back and that scared the hell out of me. Like once I took that final step it was out of my hands and then I had to do it, like I lost control of the situation and would feel forced to do it and feeling forced makes me afraid and not want to do anything. I have dealt with depression in some form or another most of my life but it wasn't until about 6 months ago I really started becoming an introvert. Not wanting to leave the house or do anything that took any amount of effort and it makes living this way very challenging for me. Well anyway I have veered off the subject here and gotten into a few different things I have been dealing with but the bottom line is I called off the Yard sale yet again. I guess I am just not ready. I wish I could understand why... Thanks for listening and for your positive words.
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Guest
You know, Chrissie, I can understand that real well.
Please don't beat yourself up over it. Having a yard sale with a little one there to care for and another child, well it would have been a handful for sure.
But please do keep the program. Because it will certainly help you to feel better.
Just concentrate on working the program for right now.
And you really did okay by calling off doing the yard sale for right now. That will wait.
It will still be there.
I understand how you are feeling.
Be generous with yourself, Be kind and gentle
to yourself. You are going to be okay.
My thoughts are with you.
Good luck with the program.
MaryJane
P.S. I have had a lot of experience with putting things off myself. I still have to work at getting things done.
You are not alone.
Please don't beat yourself up over it. Having a yard sale with a little one there to care for and another child, well it would have been a handful for sure.
But please do keep the program. Because it will certainly help you to feel better.
Just concentrate on working the program for right now.
And you really did okay by calling off doing the yard sale for right now. That will wait.
It will still be there.
I understand how you are feeling.
Be generous with yourself, Be kind and gentle
to yourself. You are going to be okay.
My thoughts are with you.
Good luck with the program.
MaryJane
P.S. I have had a lot of experience with putting things off myself. I still have to work at getting things done.
You are not alone.
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Guest
Chrissie...I can SO relate! And when all is said & done, sounds like it may've been for the best anyway to not have your yard sale this week end...high temps, 2 kids to tend to in addition to the sale, items yet to be prepared to be included in the sale, etc, etc...so don't think discouragingly about it!
I completely GET the whole being "locked in" once the permit was obtained and ads going out in the paper...in reality, if ads were run in the paper and people followed those ads to a home that clearly was NOT having a yard sale...what's the WORST that would happen?!!! I say that VERY naively, 'cause I've not ever hosted such a sale...so please excuse my ignorance on the topic
If I were seeking a yard sale that "wasn't", guess I might get a bit disappointed...but hey, if that's the worst thing that happened to me all day...GOOD day!! Sometimes I tend to take myself WAY TOOOO seriously (back to the idea of "committing" to some event/function), I guess a rather all or nothing mentality, when in fact the situation RARELY is to the severity! Remember too...most men (personal statement from my own life's experiences...of course not ALL men are this way 
) want to "FIX" rather than listen/empathise...since our situation is really only something we can fix, it's frustrating to hear and not be able to "DO"...go easy on your hubby, he must be pretty terrific or you wouldn't be so concerned by his responses/reactions to your trying to "vent"! Chin up and carry on! 
I completely GET the whole being "locked in" once the permit was obtained and ads going out in the paper...in reality, if ads were run in the paper and people followed those ads to a home that clearly was NOT having a yard sale...what's the WORST that would happen?!!! I say that VERY naively, 'cause I've not ever hosted such a sale...so please excuse my ignorance on the topic
If I were seeking a yard sale that "wasn't", guess I might get a bit disappointed...but hey, if that's the worst thing that happened to me all day...GOOD day!! Sometimes I tend to take myself WAY TOOOO seriously (back to the idea of "committing" to some event/function), I guess a rather all or nothing mentality, when in fact the situation RARELY is to the severity! Remember too...most men (personal statement from my own life's experiences...of course not ALL men are this way ) want to "FIX" rather than listen/empathise...since our situation is really only something we can fix, it's frustrating to hear and not be able to "DO"...go easy on your hubby, he must be pretty terrific or you wouldn't be so concerned by his responses/reactions to your trying to "vent"! Chin up and carry on!