Does anyone have trouble eating in front of people? Mine started when I was about 15. My boyfriend would make fun of me. He was so mean to me. I put up with his junk for almost 6yrs. My anxiety got real bad after we broke up. I would not eat in front of anybody. I got so skinny, that it scared me. I thought I was going crazy. I was so paranoid and knew I had to be the only one. Finaly I got help with my anxiety. Then they told me I had depression. So I have been on meds. for both ever since. That's the main reason I got the program. The meds. have only put a band-aid on my situation. I say all of this to say...it's back!!
I had a bad panic attack the day after thanksgiving. We were eating left overs with my in-laws. We were sitting at our table and Bam there it was. I felt the anxiety building before hand but felt as if I was trapped( sitting at the table). Then tonight it happened again. Me, my husband and girls were eating supper at the table. I felt it coming on. So I just stopped eating and said I wasn't really hungry. It stopped me from having a full blown panic attack but I know that it wasn't the right thing to do. I hope when I start session 2 it will help.
I was just wandering, does anybody else have this?? I mean I literally can not put the fork in my mouth. I get so paronoid. I just feel like I'm weird. I thought I had it under control and it scares me that it's back. I'm embarressed and ashamed that I have this. I'm not looking for sympathy, just some answers.
Please only serious people who may have this please reply. I'm not trying to be mean. I just need to know if any of you suffer from this.
Eating in front of people
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karenLeigh
- Posts: 112
- Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 3:35 pm
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Guest
Hi Karen Leigh,
I used to have a similar problem eating in front of people with the exception of my immediate family. If anyone would come in the house and I was eating, I would if I could, get up from the table and run to my room or out the back door; wherever I could go and be out of sight and finish what I was eating. This started probably at age 10 and continued until I was at least 35. If I" got caught" sitting at the table with my food in front of me and couldn't escape with my food without being seen, I would stop eating altogether and pretend I was finished even if I'd just begun to eat, just so no one would see me eating. I never even ate out at a restaurant until age 25 and I tried to get out of that even though I was going out with my husband and my own family. And forget eating out with inlaws- I couldn't do it even if I was starving. I never knew back then that I had anxiety, I just thought I was really weird and I was embarrassed by my behavior but helpless to do anything about it. Maybe since you know that anxiety is the reason that you are uncomfortable eating in front of people will help you to overcome your fear more quickly than I did. now you can "attack" the anxiety that is causing that fear by using the tools available to you in the program and hopefully you will overcome it quickly instead of having it go on for years like it did for me.
Take care and good luck!
I used to have a similar problem eating in front of people with the exception of my immediate family. If anyone would come in the house and I was eating, I would if I could, get up from the table and run to my room or out the back door; wherever I could go and be out of sight and finish what I was eating. This started probably at age 10 and continued until I was at least 35. If I" got caught" sitting at the table with my food in front of me and couldn't escape with my food without being seen, I would stop eating altogether and pretend I was finished even if I'd just begun to eat, just so no one would see me eating. I never even ate out at a restaurant until age 25 and I tried to get out of that even though I was going out with my husband and my own family. And forget eating out with inlaws- I couldn't do it even if I was starving. I never knew back then that I had anxiety, I just thought I was really weird and I was embarrassed by my behavior but helpless to do anything about it. Maybe since you know that anxiety is the reason that you are uncomfortable eating in front of people will help you to overcome your fear more quickly than I did. now you can "attack" the anxiety that is causing that fear by using the tools available to you in the program and hopefully you will overcome it quickly instead of having it go on for years like it did for me.
Take care and good luck!
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Mary Wargo
- Posts: 274
- Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 12:37 pm
Gale D,
Thank you sooo much! I thought I would probably not get any responses. I can't believe how much your life sounds like mine. So was you able to overcome that fear? You said you were about 35 when it stopped. If you don't mind me asking...how in the world did you get better? I'm 36 and I'm hoping that with this program I can overcome this soon. I have two little girls that I know look at me for guidance. That's one of the main reasons I try to eat at the table. Where they want have that fear. I never remember eating at the dinner table when I was growing up. Hopefully it will get better. Thanks again I really apreciate it so much!!
Take-care and Good luck to you on your journey to success
Thank you sooo much! I thought I would probably not get any responses. I can't believe how much your life sounds like mine. So was you able to overcome that fear? You said you were about 35 when it stopped. If you don't mind me asking...how in the world did you get better? I'm 36 and I'm hoping that with this program I can overcome this soon. I have two little girls that I know look at me for guidance. That's one of the main reasons I try to eat at the table. Where they want have that fear. I never remember eating at the dinner table when I was growing up. Hopefully it will get better. Thanks again I really apreciate it so much!!
Take-care and Good luck to you on your journey to success
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Guest
Hi Karen Leigh,
I really wasn't sure my response would be helpful to you and I am thrilled that it did. As for how I got over it, I just kept going out to eat at my dear mother's insistance and even though I was self-conscious and uncomfortable for a while, it did get easier to the point that I actually forgot about my fears and finally began to look forward to and actually enjoy going out to eat. And at home I made myself stay put at the table and continue eating and it wasn't easy but after a time I no longer felt the need to get up and run or stop eating just because someone came in.I think for me as with so many of us who suffer from anxiety, I felt as though to be seen eating was something to be ashamed of ;as if no one else ate but me. It reminds me of a story Lucinda told about herself after she had gotten better and was lecturing at a particular hotel @ a conference and sharing a room w/ a lady also speaking @ the conference. Long story short, Lucinda started having stomach pains associated w/ her irritable bowel syndrome and in the midst of a conversation, had to jump out of her bed and go to the bathroom. she said she was very uncomfortable because there was no fan and she knew the lady was going to hear the sounds and know she had diarrhea and to make things worse, the lady got out of her bed and stood right outside the bathroom door continuing to talk a mile a minute. Poor Lucinda had no choice but to do what she had to do and she said when she came out of the bathroom the lady was still talking and never said a word about Lucinda being in the bathroom with an upset stomach.At that point Lucinda said she realized that her tummy upset was nothing out of the ordinary for anyone and that others don't pay attention to these things like we think they do because these are perfectly normal human functions. How right she is! For goodness sake, we all do have to eat and we all have to use the bathroom , so we really have nothing to fear or feel sensitve about.
I think you are doing exactly what you need to do. In staying at the table for the sake of your 2 little girls,you are setting a good example for them and helping yourself in the bargain. In the process, you will gradually forget about your discomfort and eating at the table will become something that you will enjoy with your precious girls. Believe me it will get better- just keep doing what you are doing.
I wish you much success on your journey and feel free to contact me either by PM or e mail-galedash55@verizon.net if you ever want to talk further onthis subject or anything else on your mind. I can't promise I can help but I'm always willing to listen and helping others in any small way helps me tremendously on my own journey to recovery.
God bless you and take care, Karen.
Gale
I really wasn't sure my response would be helpful to you and I am thrilled that it did. As for how I got over it, I just kept going out to eat at my dear mother's insistance and even though I was self-conscious and uncomfortable for a while, it did get easier to the point that I actually forgot about my fears and finally began to look forward to and actually enjoy going out to eat. And at home I made myself stay put at the table and continue eating and it wasn't easy but after a time I no longer felt the need to get up and run or stop eating just because someone came in.I think for me as with so many of us who suffer from anxiety, I felt as though to be seen eating was something to be ashamed of ;as if no one else ate but me. It reminds me of a story Lucinda told about herself after she had gotten better and was lecturing at a particular hotel @ a conference and sharing a room w/ a lady also speaking @ the conference. Long story short, Lucinda started having stomach pains associated w/ her irritable bowel syndrome and in the midst of a conversation, had to jump out of her bed and go to the bathroom. she said she was very uncomfortable because there was no fan and she knew the lady was going to hear the sounds and know she had diarrhea and to make things worse, the lady got out of her bed and stood right outside the bathroom door continuing to talk a mile a minute. Poor Lucinda had no choice but to do what she had to do and she said when she came out of the bathroom the lady was still talking and never said a word about Lucinda being in the bathroom with an upset stomach.At that point Lucinda said she realized that her tummy upset was nothing out of the ordinary for anyone and that others don't pay attention to these things like we think they do because these are perfectly normal human functions. How right she is! For goodness sake, we all do have to eat and we all have to use the bathroom , so we really have nothing to fear or feel sensitve about.
I think you are doing exactly what you need to do. In staying at the table for the sake of your 2 little girls,you are setting a good example for them and helping yourself in the bargain. In the process, you will gradually forget about your discomfort and eating at the table will become something that you will enjoy with your precious girls. Believe me it will get better- just keep doing what you are doing.
I wish you much success on your journey and feel free to contact me either by PM or e mail-galedash55@verizon.net if you ever want to talk further onthis subject or anything else on your mind. I can't promise I can help but I'm always willing to listen and helping others in any small way helps me tremendously on my own journey to recovery.
God bless you and take care, Karen.
Gale
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Guest
Thank you so much Gale. That made alot of sense. Commen sense really. We all have to eat. I think it's more about the anxiety than the eating. I think for me my anxiety came out in the form of worry or obbessing about what other people thought of me "when I ate". It's really not the eating it's the "anxiety" that I have when I eat. Just like someone who may have anxiety about taking medicine. It's not the "medicine" it's the "anxiety" about taking it. Wow, Wow, Wow...what a breakthrough I just had. Thank you for taking the time to write me again. This community is amazing!
Take-care and god bless
Take-care and god bless
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Guest
Hi KarenLeigh, Thought I'd check the postings and couldn't believe it when I saw yours! Yes, you can count me as a fellow sufferer. I don't ever remember being not afraid to eat. I always had a poor appetite which might have been the beginning, but being anxiety prone made the whole thing blossom into a full blown problem. I can remember dreading lunch at school and when a teenager I wouldn't go on a date if it entailed eating. My social life was dictated by food which sounds zany. For years I thought I was the only one. I also had problems eating if I was anticipating something scary...like the first day of school. I had it all, embarrassment, shame and panic. I'm pretty much over it now that I am in control of my life and can pick and choose my friends. Not like when I was married and I had to go places that scared me like someone's house for dinner I hardly knew. It kind of helps now that skinny is in...I figure I can always say I'm on a diet. I'm hoping this program will help me get to the point I don't even think of not being able to eat if someone calls and says let's have lunch. One thing that helped me was to make a point of going out to eat with close friends, people I felt comfortable with. Though they never knew I had a problem (this is actually the first time I've admitted it to anyone but my x-husband)I always felt I could say I didn't feel well. The excuse, something to fall back on, helped me get through and after a few times I was okay with that person and didn't worry. Hope that makes some sense.Originally posted by karenLeigh:
Does anyone have trouble eating in front of people? Mine started when I was about 15. My boyfriend would make fun of me. He was so mean to me. I put up with his junk for almost 6yrs. My anxiety got real bad after we broke up. I would not eat in front of anybody. I got so skinny, that it scared me. I thought I was going crazy. I was so paranoid and knew I had to be the only one. Finaly I got help with my anxiety. Then they told me I had depression. So I have been on meds. for both ever since. That's the main reason I got the program. The meds. have only put a band-aid on my situation. I say all of this to say...it's back!!
I had a bad panic attack the day after thanksgiving. We were eating left overs with my in-laws. We were sitting at our table and Bam there it was. I felt the anxiety building before hand but felt as if I was trapped( sitting at the table). Then tonight it happened again. Me, my husband and girls were eating supper at the table. I felt it coming on. So I just stopped eating and said I wasn't really hungry. It stopped me from having a full blown panic attack but I know that it wasn't the right thing to do. I hope when I start session 2 it will help.
I was just wandering, does anybody else have this?? I mean I literally can not put the fork in my mouth. I get so paronoid. I just feel like I'm weird. I thought I had it under control and it scares me that it's back. I'm embarressed and ashamed that I have this. I'm not looking for sympathy, just some answers.
Please only serious people who may have this please reply. I'm not trying to be mean. I just need to know if any of you suffer from this.
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Guest
You are so right , Karen Leigh, it isn't the eating in front of others, taking meds or anything else we fear and avoid, it is the Anxiety and it manifests differently in individual people. Like I said, in my first response to you, I didn't know at age 10 that I had anxiety, I just knew I didn't like to eat around people other than my own family. Knowing that it's just anxiety causing your fear will definitely help alleviate the discomfort associated with eating in front of others and with the help of the program and those of us who have been through what you are dealing with, you can't help but get better! I am so happy for you and your breakthrough! I'm as happy for you as if I'd had the breakthrough myself! Good job gal and keep it up!
Your friend,
Gale
Your friend,
Gale
KarenLeigh,
As the others said, you are not alone. I don't have the SAME disorder, but a similar one. I just don't like food, and so don't eat much. My excuse for not eating with others is, 'My ritual after cooking for this many people is to get plates fixed, then go out back and listen to my tapes and smoke, (we don't smoke inside anyway...) Butat any rate, that is my downfal. My Mother on the other hand, has the exact problem as you. Hers is very severe. She has Alzheimer's, but before her sickness became evident, many years before, she had severe social anxiety (as I do), severe Agoraphobia (as I do), as well as won't eat in front of others. At family get togethers I always tell everyone she had a big lunch so to please excuse her. Then I ask if it is ok for me to fix her a plate for later, explaining that she typicallly gets hungry as soon as we get home, or later in the evening. That way, when we do get home, after Momma settles in, I take her plate to her, and tell her I know she likes to eat alone so that she can enjoy it - and she eats every bite. Some claim this to be her Alzheimer's alone, but I know different. I was raised by her. The family says I am just like her. I have also gained all her phobia, and acquired some of my own.
You can beat this if you knkow you are not alone. It is a very common problem. i have to force myself to eat more often than not. Docs say it is not a physical problem, so I just deal and force myself to eat at least 2 small meals a day. I hold steady at about 112-117 lbs and am 5 feet, 2 inches so my weight is ok now. I used to range between 85-95 and could not, no matter how much I ate, gain weight. My doctor tried me on drug after drug. Finally Lyrica came out. Since I have nerve ending damage from Fibromyalgia, she put me on the Lyrica, and something happened - I have an appitite, and am even beginning to like SOME foods. Like Very Berry Cobbler, mmmmmmmmm....I made my first one this year and the family left me and momma some - all knowing that as soon as they all left, we would be eating like hogs.
Well, this is getting long and I am beginning to ramble. I really hope this helps. You were abused at a young age by a boyfriend, and I had a husband from 17 until 24 that beat me down in a different way. When ever you do something he would have disapproved of, close your eyes, envission him in a dream-like paralysis ( not a reall one, that is a jinx) but you know how dream paralysis goes, it is only for dreams...so picture him looking at you, wanting to make fun, but he can't because he is rendered immoble by your new-found strength. Now, picture his pants falling down, and a whole audience of people are behind him. Everyone laughs, you and everyone else all at once, and he can not respond in the dream paralysis. Now, imagine you are right up in his face, tell him how good it is, swallow it, and open those eyes. I bet the taste will be one you will remember forever. It may help you get over your fear to some degree, but seeing it would be very hard to act out that scenario in public. At home you can practice it. I used to do these what I call 'mocking episodes' after we split up and I was in counselling trying to convince myself that I was worthy of having a decent life and being treated decently. Hope this helps. If you have a therapists, as about this envissioning thing, it really helped me.
Tina
As the others said, you are not alone. I don't have the SAME disorder, but a similar one. I just don't like food, and so don't eat much. My excuse for not eating with others is, 'My ritual after cooking for this many people is to get plates fixed, then go out back and listen to my tapes and smoke, (we don't smoke inside anyway...) Butat any rate, that is my downfal. My Mother on the other hand, has the exact problem as you. Hers is very severe. She has Alzheimer's, but before her sickness became evident, many years before, she had severe social anxiety (as I do), severe Agoraphobia (as I do), as well as won't eat in front of others. At family get togethers I always tell everyone she had a big lunch so to please excuse her. Then I ask if it is ok for me to fix her a plate for later, explaining that she typicallly gets hungry as soon as we get home, or later in the evening. That way, when we do get home, after Momma settles in, I take her plate to her, and tell her I know she likes to eat alone so that she can enjoy it - and she eats every bite. Some claim this to be her Alzheimer's alone, but I know different. I was raised by her. The family says I am just like her. I have also gained all her phobia, and acquired some of my own.
You can beat this if you knkow you are not alone. It is a very common problem. i have to force myself to eat more often than not. Docs say it is not a physical problem, so I just deal and force myself to eat at least 2 small meals a day. I hold steady at about 112-117 lbs and am 5 feet, 2 inches so my weight is ok now. I used to range between 85-95 and could not, no matter how much I ate, gain weight. My doctor tried me on drug after drug. Finally Lyrica came out. Since I have nerve ending damage from Fibromyalgia, she put me on the Lyrica, and something happened - I have an appitite, and am even beginning to like SOME foods. Like Very Berry Cobbler, mmmmmmmmm....I made my first one this year and the family left me and momma some - all knowing that as soon as they all left, we would be eating like hogs.
Well, this is getting long and I am beginning to ramble. I really hope this helps. You were abused at a young age by a boyfriend, and I had a husband from 17 until 24 that beat me down in a different way. When ever you do something he would have disapproved of, close your eyes, envission him in a dream-like paralysis ( not a reall one, that is a jinx) but you know how dream paralysis goes, it is only for dreams...so picture him looking at you, wanting to make fun, but he can't because he is rendered immoble by your new-found strength. Now, picture his pants falling down, and a whole audience of people are behind him. Everyone laughs, you and everyone else all at once, and he can not respond in the dream paralysis. Now, imagine you are right up in his face, tell him how good it is, swallow it, and open those eyes. I bet the taste will be one you will remember forever. It may help you get over your fear to some degree, but seeing it would be very hard to act out that scenario in public. At home you can practice it. I used to do these what I call 'mocking episodes' after we split up and I was in counselling trying to convince myself that I was worthy of having a decent life and being treated decently. Hope this helps. If you have a therapists, as about this envissioning thing, it really helped me.
Tina
ATTITUDE -- The mind is like a parachute...it doesn't work unless it's open!!