My major problem, any advice appreciated

Rotem · Post by **Rotem** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:22 pm

Hi
I have been suffering from anxiety for 5 years now. I remember having a lot of anger in my life, that could have evolved to a major stress and finally anxiety.
The thing is, I am 31 years old. My parents married very young (age 19). My father left me when I was 1 year baby. I never saw him since. My mother married a very angry man which I despised when I was young (nowadays I feel less angry about him). I felt neglected all of my childhood. My real father tried to contact my parents when I was 13 but they refused to let him see me. I was told he is not a real father since he left me. My mother regards him as a dead person. Later in my life (age 18) a family relative from his side contacted me and wanted to hook me up with him. I refused because of fear of my mother's reaction and fear of having to deal with him.
5 years ago I had my first panic attack. I was generally unhappy of my life, especially the lack of success I had with women. I didn't even think my real father was a part of the equation.

I rarely think about him, but some time ago since I saw no medication was working on me, I went to see yet another psychologist. He said right away that I need to see my father. He said this is the main cause of my anxiety.

Since then I am more anxious. I truly feel that he made a major mistake leaving me, and I am angry he didn't tried to contact me more or surprise me and make a phone call. I am sure he has it. The real issue is his pride, that's why I think is stopping him. I don't want to make the first contact, I think it is humiliating. I think meeting with him will only bring more anxiety into my life. Basically I think that staying in contact with him will be a prize to him. I am confused as you see...

Please help....

Thanks.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 7:56 am

There are many issues you are dealing with. I have not had this situation directly( though my mom did leave when I was 8)but your psychologist does sound like he may have pin poitned some of the problem.You need closure on this.If you can, do meet with your Dad. At least the "what if" will not be dragging you down if you go ahead and meet with him.. Wish I had wisdom to give but I to am too just taking the journey.Make sure you finish the program. I am on lesson 6 on anger and have gleaned many insights to why I carry so much anger and some steps to deal with it.

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:24 am

Hi,
Well, you have 1 psychiatrist's opinion. One thing you might think about is writing your dad a letter. You don't even have to send it; just write it. I've written letters to people I felt hurt me & it helped. I did not send it, but tore it up afterwards. It just helps to get it out. Another thing to remember is that when you dwell on the past intensely, it's like going back in a time machine & then you must reexperience all the pain, over & over. What about today? What in your life today can you do to enjoy this day? I know it's not easy to let go of past hurt, believe me! I have tons of it! But I am learning to put those things in their place. My husband describes his past memories as being in boxes in an attic. Once in awhile he takes them out to look at them, but can then put them back. Whatever happened in your life is a reality, but so is today. Do we want our todays & our futures to be full of anger & bitterness? Of course not! So if you do "visit your attic" let it be for a short time, and then back down the stairs to today & our futures. Time is too precious! One last thing is, so many times when things happen that hurt children, the child somehow thinks it is their fault when it was done to them by an adult. Let go of that, because it was not your fault; you were a child. Best hopes 2 U!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:53 am

Thanks for the great advice. I see there are some amazing people in this forum.

Thanks a lot.

Rotem