Hi - I just started the program a couple days ago. For as long as I can remember I have felt rejected, sad and anxious. I was picked on and bullied when I was in grade school. Then I was picked on and rejected by the "in group" in high school. I pushed through though because what choice do you have?
I even got up the courage to attend a school reunion and the same group of people would not speak with me and stood off to the side just staring, laughing at us and talking amongst themselves. I thought that after so many years that they would act like adults. I never did anything to hurt these people or cause trouble and still don't know why they treated me as they did. We eventually just left early and I cried myself to sleep that night.
I married a great guy, had two kids who are now successful adults. I am retired but did work for over 25 years. But I still have the old feelings. They never really went away despite my successes in life.
My biggest sadness right now - a few years ago my husband and I became close with 3 other couples and once a month or so we got together for socializing. I was so happy because we never had friends that we shared and did things with as a couple. Things then began to change in the dynamic and two of the couples started to exclude the other two couples and do things on their own.
I have made attempts to reach out and suggest things to do but they are not interested. We have a vacation home and invited them many times and there is always an excuse why they can't come.
Then eventually the one couple we did stay close with has drifted away.
Maybe this is just a natural course of friendships and life but it really through me for a loop - maybe because of the rejection in my early life.
It has been about two years and I still sometimes literally cry about it.
I always reach out to people and I feel that they usually do not reach back. I send cards for occasions or just to say hi, flowers and cards when people are sick etc. I also offer to help if ever needed. My offers are never accepted.
I was in the hospital for emergency surgery last year and none of the people that I considered friends visited me or sent a card. One of them did not even share the news of my illness with the some of the others.
I have read that to have friends you should be a friend. That is what I try to do but it hasn't worked.
I hope that there is something in this program that can teach me what to do with the rejection. I also have depression and anxieties.
Thanks for any support.
Rejected, Sad, Anxious
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Guest
I kind of understand how you feel. I was picked on all through school, and never really had any friends outside of a select few. I will never attend my high school reunion when it comes around, just because there is absolutely no one I care to see. 
They are all jerks.
I have never had a serious relationship either, and all of my friends have pretty much moved on to bigger and better things. And half of the time when I do speak with them, they don't seem interested in what I have to say, or just don't understand me anymore. Especially with this anxiety stuff. So it's hard not to feel rejected and alone from time to time.
The one thing that keeps me happy though is I have a great family, and they are always there for me.
I have come to realize that once you get older, you may lose contact with a lot of people. I often get really depressed thinking about the future because I just see myself alone and unhappy, but I shouldn't think so far in advance like that. It's not good.
If you really want to socialze, maybe you and your husband could join a club, or find a social activity you both enjoy where you could meet some new people. There are tons of things out there you can do to meet new people, you just have to find them.
They are all jerks.I have never had a serious relationship either, and all of my friends have pretty much moved on to bigger and better things. And half of the time when I do speak with them, they don't seem interested in what I have to say, or just don't understand me anymore. Especially with this anxiety stuff. So it's hard not to feel rejected and alone from time to time.
The one thing that keeps me happy though is I have a great family, and they are always there for me.
I have come to realize that once you get older, you may lose contact with a lot of people. I often get really depressed thinking about the future because I just see myself alone and unhappy, but I shouldn't think so far in advance like that. It's not good.
If you really want to socialze, maybe you and your husband could join a club, or find a social activity you both enjoy where you could meet some new people. There are tons of things out there you can do to meet new people, you just have to find them.
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Guest
HI ShaSha.
High school is tough for everyone, even the "cool kids". I sometimes liked high school and sometimes didn't. And although I had friends, they weren't friends that I wanted to keep after high school. Sometimes you have to let things go. Cry if you must, but tell yourself that you will let the pain of the lost friendships go, and that you refuse to be friends with anyone who doesn't want to be friends with you, and anyone who doesn't see your worth and take your friendship seriously. You are worth whatever you tell yourself, and to other people, you are worth what you show, but to GOD, you are worth everything. Remember that and make a promise to yourself that you will start loving yourself more. The more you love yourself, the less you will give a darn about what other people think of you. You wont care what they think because you will give yourself all the care you need.
High school is tough for everyone, even the "cool kids". I sometimes liked high school and sometimes didn't. And although I had friends, they weren't friends that I wanted to keep after high school. Sometimes you have to let things go. Cry if you must, but tell yourself that you will let the pain of the lost friendships go, and that you refuse to be friends with anyone who doesn't want to be friends with you, and anyone who doesn't see your worth and take your friendship seriously. You are worth whatever you tell yourself, and to other people, you are worth what you show, but to GOD, you are worth everything. Remember that and make a promise to yourself that you will start loving yourself more. The more you love yourself, the less you will give a darn about what other people think of you. You wont care what they think because you will give yourself all the care you need.
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Guest
I too have experienced all kinds of rejection in my life including middle school and high school. Now that I have graduated from college and moved away from friends i made in college, I still feel alone. It is difficult to make new friends when you relocate and just plain roll in and out of different stages in life.
Through this I have realized that my family are my only best friends, thank God!
I have to say that I do believe the only way to have friends is to be a friend and you have to go out and find them. I realized that I will have to get out of my apartment and go somewhere to meet new people!
I am working on getting out and finding new friends but I know that it comes with time and feeling comfortable in my own skin.
Through this I have realized that my family are my only best friends, thank God!
I have to say that I do believe the only way to have friends is to be a friend and you have to go out and find them. I realized that I will have to get out of my apartment and go somewhere to meet new people!
I am working on getting out and finding new friends but I know that it comes with time and feeling comfortable in my own skin.
There's an email that gets forwarded around quite a bit that talks about friends being for a reason, a season, or a lifetime (I'm paraphrasing - I can't remember the exact wording right now). That was a hard concept for me to accept. How can you be really good freinds with someone for awhile and then...not? But it is very true...sometimes we are there for them...or they are there for us for a particular reason...and it's really OK when the drifting happens. Sure, we might grieve, even mourn that relationship, but it's OK for it to be over.
The good thing is, and DeeDee (I miss you when you're not posting, DeeDee - you always have such a positive attitude!)was talking about this too, is that God is ALWAYS our friend!
I went to three schools in 2 states for HS (thanks to my father's job). The school I graduated from I attended for 2 years. I was labelled a "freaker" because of my clothes...and probably, truth be told, attitude. I started dating my husband senrior year though...and he was one of what I call the sub-class popular guys (LOL - you know - not a star athlete or anything, but everyone knew him and most everyone liked him). Anyhow - flash forward 20 years...we go to our reunion and I am sure that no one will remember me...and I was pretty close to being right...several guys told me it was nice to meet me (ha ha - I was wearing the class badge with my HS picture on it!). But the funny thing was - there were these girls who always looked down on me in HS and were just hateful to me...and there they were gain - across the room doing the same thing again...20 years later! What the heck? Normally I would have let that get me down and depressed me, but for some reason that night - it struck me as hilarious that they would actually waste time and energy on that negative attitude? Over ME? Wow - I held a power over them that I didn't even realize! LOL
It's the same with you - instead of being sad, although I totally see how you could be - realize that you have a power over them...that they allow themselves to be AFFECTED and react in a negative manner...in reaction to you. Don't, in return, be AFFECTED by them. Who are they anyway? They obviously still live in the "glory days" of high school...good grief if THOSE were the best days of my life I would be PERPETUALLY depressed!!!
As for your other friends...please try not to dwel on the "what ifs" of those relationships. What if I said this...What if I had done that...whatever. Move on - you will find more friends. YOU WILL.
I for one, wish you were my neighbor! We could have a cook-out this weekend! I'd love to have someone as kind and considerate as you to be friends with. So...how fast can you get to NC from PA? LOL
Hope your day gets better, ShaSha...we love you!
Blessings,
Dawn
The good thing is, and DeeDee (I miss you when you're not posting, DeeDee - you always have such a positive attitude!
)was talking about this too, is that God is ALWAYS our friend! I went to three schools in 2 states for HS (thanks to my father's job). The school I graduated from I attended for 2 years. I was labelled a "freaker" because of my clothes...and probably, truth be told, attitude. I started dating my husband senrior year though...and he was one of what I call the sub-class popular guys (LOL - you know - not a star athlete or anything, but everyone knew him and most everyone liked him). Anyhow - flash forward 20 years...we go to our reunion and I am sure that no one will remember me...and I was pretty close to being right...several guys told me it was nice to meet me (ha ha - I was wearing the class badge with my HS picture on it!). But the funny thing was - there were these girls who always looked down on me in HS and were just hateful to me...and there they were gain - across the room doing the same thing again...20 years later! What the heck? Normally I would have let that get me down and depressed me, but for some reason that night - it struck me as hilarious that they would actually waste time and energy on that negative attitude? Over ME? Wow - I held a power over them that I didn't even realize! LOL
It's the same with you - instead of being sad, although I totally see how you could be - realize that you have a power over them...that they allow themselves to be AFFECTED and react in a negative manner...in reaction to you. Don't, in return, be AFFECTED by them. Who are they anyway? They obviously still live in the "glory days" of high school...good grief if THOSE were the best days of my life I would be PERPETUALLY depressed!!!
As for your other friends...please try not to dwel on the "what ifs" of those relationships. What if I said this...What if I had done that...whatever. Move on - you will find more friends. YOU WILL.
I for one, wish you were my neighbor! We could have a cook-out this weekend! I'd love to have someone as kind and considerate as you to be friends with. So...how fast can you get to NC from PA? LOL
Hope your day gets better, ShaSha...we love you!
Blessings,
Dawn
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Guest
Hi Shasha,
I'm so sorry that you feel this way... Have you done session 4 on expectations? This is helping me to realize that I am 'expecting' people to treat me the way that I treat them and it is an unrealistic expectation because we cannot control other human beings.
Even though I was somewhat popular in highschool, I was nice to everyone and I saw some of the super popular people making fun of the less popular kids and it was sickening. My parents raised me in the Christian faith and I still try to treat others the way that I want to be treated, I believe that is why it's frustrating when some people are so rude (but I'm getting better with this program).
Let me tell you that I went to my 10 year class reunion this summer and my 2 best girlfriends from highschool didn't attend, even though they'd promised, but work got in the way. I saw some of the popular kids who I didn't hang out with, but talked to sometimes and they are STILL THE SAME! Getting drunk, making fools of themselves, ect. I couldn't believe it! Grow up already! I feel sorry for those people, they seem so shallow and are most likely very unhappy individuals.
You have raised two children who benefit society, what more can you do? Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, and you have parented successfully, give yourself praise!
My husband and I have 3 kids and we have no friends right now, it's hard when your kids are young I guess. Plus my husband is super shy (I love that about him sometimes) and he would never go up to someone and start a conversation. If someone doesn't want to be friends, consider it their loss. If you weren't too anxious, you could see what volunteer opportunities are available in your area. For ex, I am currently not working since I had my 3 third child, but I worked in a neonatal intensive care unit (RN) and we had what we called "cuddlers". People who devoted like a 2-4 block of time to come and hold our babies. It was wonderful! Sometimes as a nurse when you have 3 babies to care for and one needs fed and another is screaming, you can't hold both, so that poor baby has to cry. The cuddlers would come in and ask who they should hold. I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, the cuddler or the baby! We had cuddlers in their 70's who came in, it was very therapeutic for them!
Anyhow, just an idea. Please know that you are worth it, and people are always going to disappoint, don't put your trust in people.
please take care,
Ocean
I'm so sorry that you feel this way... Have you done session 4 on expectations? This is helping me to realize that I am 'expecting' people to treat me the way that I treat them and it is an unrealistic expectation because we cannot control other human beings.
Even though I was somewhat popular in highschool, I was nice to everyone and I saw some of the super popular people making fun of the less popular kids and it was sickening. My parents raised me in the Christian faith and I still try to treat others the way that I want to be treated, I believe that is why it's frustrating when some people are so rude (but I'm getting better with this program).
Let me tell you that I went to my 10 year class reunion this summer and my 2 best girlfriends from highschool didn't attend, even though they'd promised, but work got in the way. I saw some of the popular kids who I didn't hang out with, but talked to sometimes and they are STILL THE SAME! Getting drunk, making fools of themselves, ect. I couldn't believe it! Grow up already! I feel sorry for those people, they seem so shallow and are most likely very unhappy individuals.
You have raised two children who benefit society, what more can you do? Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, and you have parented successfully, give yourself praise!
My husband and I have 3 kids and we have no friends right now, it's hard when your kids are young I guess. Plus my husband is super shy (I love that about him sometimes) and he would never go up to someone and start a conversation. If someone doesn't want to be friends, consider it their loss. If you weren't too anxious, you could see what volunteer opportunities are available in your area. For ex, I am currently not working since I had my 3 third child, but I worked in a neonatal intensive care unit (RN) and we had what we called "cuddlers". People who devoted like a 2-4 block of time to come and hold our babies. It was wonderful! Sometimes as a nurse when you have 3 babies to care for and one needs fed and another is screaming, you can't hold both, so that poor baby has to cry. The cuddlers would come in and ask who they should hold. I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, the cuddler or the baby! We had cuddlers in their 70's who came in, it was very therapeutic for them!
Anyhow, just an idea. Please know that you are worth it, and people are always going to disappoint, don't put your trust in people.
please take care,
Ocean
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Guest
Dawn & Ocean - I'm just on lesson 1. I look forward to getting to lesson 4. I think more than anxiety - although I do have that - is depression and sadness. I need to start focusing my thoughts in a positive direction and to look at my accomplishments and blessings. I really need to get to the point that I truly feel that if someone does not want to be friends then it is their loss. I tell myslef that but I don't believe it yet but I will.
My son is getting married in September so I have that to focus on and keep me busy
Thanks again for replying. ShaSha
My son is getting married in September so I have that to focus on and keep me busy
Thanks again for replying. ShaSha
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Guest
ShaSha, thank you so much for posting this. I was picked on, beat up, feelings destroyed all through my school too. It still goes on, and I've been an adult for over a decade now.
I'm very happy for you that you've found a life mate. I'm feeling very rejected at the moment, because yet another girl who I 'thought' was interested in me seems to be playing games now. I mean, what's that? Like 15 in a row?
I do not have a wife. I don't even have a girlfriend. I'm discouraged right now because of 'the dating game', if you know what I mean.
I have a very special person in my life who I am very grateful for. I can't even express in words how wonderful she is, but she's not a life mate, and we both know and understand it.
Oh well, it can wait.
Again, thank you for posting. You brightened my day. I honestly didn't think a single woman in the entire history of the human species had that feeling of rejection.
I have to add though, that woman have a much easier time finding a husband than vice versa, especially with anxiety. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong!
I'm very happy for you that you've found a life mate. I'm feeling very rejected at the moment, because yet another girl who I 'thought' was interested in me seems to be playing games now. I mean, what's that? Like 15 in a row?
I do not have a wife. I don't even have a girlfriend. I'm discouraged right now because of 'the dating game', if you know what I mean.
I have a very special person in my life who I am very grateful for. I can't even express in words how wonderful she is, but she's not a life mate, and we both know and understand it.
Oh well, it can wait.
Again, thank you for posting. You brightened my day. I honestly didn't think a single woman in the entire history of the human species had that feeling of rejection.
I have to add though, that woman have a much easier time finding a husband than vice versa, especially with anxiety. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong!