Becoming less anxious is costing me my relationships

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:51 am

I finished the program and am off my medication. One of things I've noticed is that a lot of my old friendships are ending. I don't know if this is to be expected, but basically I've had it with a lot of people. I've been deleting friends on Facebook, not returning calls, and telling people that I'm not going to put up with their "stuff" anymore. I've decided that it's my way or the highway. I guess what I'm really doing is imposing boundaries and if people don't want to live within them, that's fine, I can live without them.

For example, I have one friend who has anxiety (or says she does despite two therapists telling her she doesn't) and our entire relationship has devolved to the point where she just complains about her life. I've told her to go through the program, but she just says flat out that it won't work for her. I've offered her books and CDs and seminars and whatnot, but it's all pointless. It's like she's more interested in holding on to her anxiety than she is in getting better. And I'm just not interested in being around someone like that anymore.

I've started telling my girlfriend that I don't like it when she gets angry and insults drivers who make the odd mistake on the road, mostly because it doesn't help anything. I've told my parents I want nothing to do with my sister anymore because I'm tired of all the pain she's put me through. I told one of my friends that I didn't appreciate her being judgmental of a decision I made, and she hung up on me. That was six months ago, and I can't be bothered to put up with her judgmental-ness anymore so I never called her back.

Can anyone relate to this? I'm not going back to how I used to be, so I guess I'll just have to make some new friends.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:28 pm

Hi Doggiet, I am just now starting to experience serious attacks and just days ago thought that there was no end in sight, until I found this program, even the intro e mail has already helped me. I am finding that I am pushing away anything that feels like its having a negative impact on my life as well. At this point in time in our lives, this is exactly what we need to do...afterall, this is about us right?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:38 pm

whoops, I am sorry about the misspell in your name..slippery fingers I guess..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 30, 2009 5:04 am

Yeah, I think you're right. It's all about us at this point. We've been too giving of ourselves to others.

Session 2 is the key to the program. Go over it as often as you can. Well, go over the whole thing as often as you can. I think you'll love how you start to change.

BTW, don't worry about the misspelling, it happens all the time.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 17, 2009 8:09 am

I lost two close friends because of the same thing. They were literally hazardous to my health. I tried to reconcile/restore the friendships but to no avail. They held/hold offense against me but I can't help that now. I have to move forward. So do you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 19, 2009 6:05 pm

Doogie I like your new confidence and boundaries. I am not as brave as you are. I don't burn my bridges because some day somewhere someone might nreally need something from me that I have to offer but I am not going to seek those persons out. Iam keeping my distance from some downers now and they are trashing me but it's okay since I know better. If and when they want to make real change ..Hey it's on , call me I tell them. Otherwise I just need to make new and better choices it seems? Does that make any sense?
Take Care

Jill
: )

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:00 am

I've lived with my best friend the past year and wanted to do the same. As I go through this program I realize what a downer he always is, bringing other friends down who have found success or happieness.

When it came to re-signing the lease, I avoided calling him out and simply told him I was getting my own place. Maybe giving yourself some distance from these people is better than simply writing them off. You may have been that negative person at one point in your life too.