I've probably been depressed since I was in diapers, I was a friendless "loner" until I read a book (Barbara Walters', "How to talk to anybody about anything) in my 30s, and consciously set about to make some friends.... but my husband systematically had affairs with all of them, so when I finally divorced him, I was on my own once again, and still felt awkward conversing with people.... When I learned that he'd also molested our kids, I (and my kids) did a couple of years of therapy, but not one of my therapists talked about depression... or why, when I walked into a room, the biggest losers would be attracted to me.... OF COURSE! I looked like a loser myself, with my slumped shoulders and hangdog attitude and negative comments.... then I got cancer in my brain; a stage four glioblastoma, operated on in July of '06 and treated with chemo and radiation at MD Anderson in Houston for the next two months, but I didn't have any seizures until Oct. of '06 Since then I've had about five more: enough to learn what sets them off ( emotional stress, low blood sugar, dehydration, getting too hot or cold... lack of sleep) but none the less I've had to conquer my fear of riding the Denver buses and light rail. (Talk about anxiety!) all the while dealing with the ongoing depression and a lousy sense of self-worth. My being alive today is a miracle; I was expected to die 18 months ago, on the operating table, and then within a couple of months after that, but my last 4 MRIs have come back "NED"; "No Evidence of Disease"and (I should feel pretty good about myself... Either God thinks I'm worth saving, or by using dietary modifications I beat one of the worst cancers people can get.) Yet I worry that the tumor will return, or another seizure will leave me as incapacitated as the victim of a severe stroke... So I'm going to need some big time hand holding... When I have panic attacks I can scare myself half to death.
All Best,
DINAH C
I have high hopes for this program....
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Guest
Hi Dinah! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that you did, but I'm really glad your here. You are a lot stronger than you realize. You are meant to be here! Thank God your test came back negative. I'm glad you have the program. Keep posting, and follow the program and baby step by baby step, you will find great relief. The relaxation cd is really good, and once you do it a few times, you will feel the benefits of it. Keep on doing it. I stopped doing the progra twice now, and haven't felt as good mentally and physically, until I started it up again about two days ago. I vow to stick with it. I'm glad you have high hopes, because hope keeps us all going, and striving to heal, and to become what we want to become. Good luck and now the journey begins. Keep posting, and keep us up on your progress. Take care!
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