slimjim. I don't understand why they won't test you. My husband has had kidney disease since he was 20 years old and three years ago it came to a kidney transplant or dialysis. They were willing to test any possible donor with the exception of our two children that were under the age of 25. They say that if someone is going to develop kidney disease they will by the time they are 25 years old. So they wanted to make sure that our kids were under that age would be out of the woods so to speak.
But they did test our oldest son. He was 30 at the time. He was almost a perfect match, donated the kidney. Both husband and son are doing great now.
How old are you and do you have the right blood type? Since kidney disease runs in your family they probably aren't sure you are a good candidate. It's a very serious operation and they won't do it unless all things are within acceptable limits. If you developed kidney disease then the kidney you gave your sister would no longer be any good for her and you would be down to one kidney which would put you in a more desperate situation. I admire your willingness to be a donor. Not everyone has the guts to do that. Is your sister a good candidate for a transplant?
You sound like you are handling things quite well under the circumstances. I hope things work out for you and your family. These things are very stressful.
My Onion
You know I keep asking my sister, Anna that very same question and she says she doesn't know why they won't test me. Especially when they get done with somebody else. It's a mystery to all of us. Thanks for the info on your family condition with this matter. The doctors tell us that she's still able to recieve the transplant but I'm beginning to think that we're all running out of time. And this just makes every one soooo sad and mad. But like I stated before I can't stay mad at them even if they cause her death. I won't put myself in that prison any more. You can catch me on the the program program on their latest Infocommerical and see for yourselves that I'm not Angry anymore about the stuff that use to floor me back then.
Personally I really wouldn't want to be a doctor these days or any other time on this world because when they make a mistake a person can go through their whole life hating them for a mistake they made that cause one of their patents to get worse or die. But if you realize that they are no more inflalible to mistakes as much as you and I. Maybe then you can try to start to forgive them. You see in my sister's case she has High Blood pressure that causing her health to go bad. And the doctors who are treating her are trying to medicate her condition to bring it under control but I doubt they will be able to do it in time. So am I going to blame them for this? NO! She's such a CONTROL FREAK that she's doing this to herself.
I'm the only one in my family who is attempting to recover from the Disfunctional family enviroment that we grew up in. Not she or my other older sister or brother. And in everyone case their health is sooo bad. Except with mine. Sure I'm Schizodpheric and youse to be Manic Depressive but I think I'm better off than any of them because I've got my health.
And this is my final thought to you. Forgive and move on otherwise what good is all the riches in this world going to do for you if you don't have your health? Enough said. Thanx.
I'm the only one in my family who is attempting to recover from the Disfunctional family enviroment that we grew up in. Not she or my other older sister or brother. And in everyone case their health is sooo bad. Except with mine. Sure I'm Schizodpheric and youse to be Manic Depressive but I think I'm better off than any of them because I've got my health.
And this is my final thought to you. Forgive and move on otherwise what good is all the riches in this world going to do for you if you don't have your health? Enough said. Thanx.
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
You know that situation with that friend and that party thing. Well i was right to be suspicious as he has not answered his phone all the times i called him since the party and does not respond to messages and has deleted me from facebook. My new layer is now anger and yes i'm pretty sure there are some unrealistic expectations there which i find it to be a little diffrent. Dealing with shoulds that are associated with addictions and bad habits seems to be diffrent then dealing with shoulds from others that end up creating anger. I think i may look more closely at your post slimjim.
What are other people's experiences when it came to anger towards people like this?
By the way i talked to a friend and i found out that this is how he deals with conflict...he ignores it and pretends it has never happened.
Mike
What are other people's experiences when it came to anger towards people like this?
By the way i talked to a friend and i found out that this is how he deals with conflict...he ignores it and pretends it has never happened.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
I would let it go. Forget him. Don't put yourself through it. S.T.o.p.
I had a call from a in law not long ago. Long story short, her daughter was getting married out of state. We decided we were not going to go, for many reasons.
She attacked me on the phone by slamming my husband (her bro) using the F word. Hoping that one day I would not regret my desision. It went on and on. He was not home, and me always wanting to be liked and not wanting to cause problems with someone elses family member. I was pacing and trying to remain calm, but not letting her dominate me in the conversation. I did ok, afterwards of coarse thinking of lots of things I could have said. Thankfully my husband supported me. We'll it was in my mind for days. I went through a million thoughts.
As we change people will have to change with us if we are going to be in each others lives. Friends or family who challange us, only remind us to stay strong and stick with it, we need a different relationship with them, this one don't work anymore.
I decieded either she will get over it, or she will be mad a long time.
I am not going to let someone speak to me like that and she really didn't want to know me or my feelings it was all about her and what she wanted us to do.
Its all about her, its her problem and I was not going to take it from her. I didn't buy the ticket.
i think I have to lay down the rules for relationships with in reason of coarse, but I don't have to except someone who loves to be self centered and demanding. I am a good person, I am a good friend, and I have a interesting life if someone wants to know me. I love company and to learn new things. So its her loss.
Thought I'd share, i hope there is something in there for you?
Have a great weekend!!!!
I had a call from a in law not long ago. Long story short, her daughter was getting married out of state. We decided we were not going to go, for many reasons.
She attacked me on the phone by slamming my husband (her bro) using the F word. Hoping that one day I would not regret my desision. It went on and on. He was not home, and me always wanting to be liked and not wanting to cause problems with someone elses family member. I was pacing and trying to remain calm, but not letting her dominate me in the conversation. I did ok, afterwards of coarse thinking of lots of things I could have said. Thankfully my husband supported me. We'll it was in my mind for days. I went through a million thoughts.
As we change people will have to change with us if we are going to be in each others lives. Friends or family who challange us, only remind us to stay strong and stick with it, we need a different relationship with them, this one don't work anymore.
I decieded either she will get over it, or she will be mad a long time.
I am not going to let someone speak to me like that and she really didn't want to know me or my feelings it was all about her and what she wanted us to do.
Its all about her, its her problem and I was not going to take it from her. I didn't buy the ticket.
i think I have to lay down the rules for relationships with in reason of coarse, but I don't have to except someone who loves to be self centered and demanding. I am a good person, I am a good friend, and I have a interesting life if someone wants to know me. I love company and to learn new things. So its her loss.
Thought I'd share, i hope there is something in there for you?
Have a great weekend!!!!
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Your right people really will have to change if they still want to be around us. I'm counting on that!
That is really unfortunate that you have had to deal with that situation, you don't need to listen to that kind of stuff but don't be under the idea that you had let her speak to you like that. People are going to say whatever they are going to say and we do not have control over that. Telling yourself that you do would be lying to yourself because you really don't have such godly powers and it really does not help you, it is only another avenue for you to lose more self-esteem.
Now when i say you don't have to listen to that, Its just like how Lucinda was telling that story on the assertiveness tape about Mary who was being all mean and nasty to her about one of their groups and how Dr.Fisher handled it. He did not try to control her but he did agree with her that yes the group isn't the place for her and then he politely ended the conversation. In your situation simply saying you appreciate the invitation...state how you feel (maybe say however we cannot make it or we will not be making it), I wish you a wonderful evening and then say goodbye and thats it. Its being kind considerate to both you and her and its also taking care of yourself as well. She would definately think twice the next time she planned to do that, i would think that would be a way of laying down rules without actually directly saying these rules. We actually teach people how to treat us by the way we react or don't react to them. Also people who are self centered and demanding are just people who are going through the same garbadge that we are.
That was a good post, I have found many things in there helpful. I really like the part about Friends or family who challenge us only remind us to stay strong and with it. That is so good that i'm putting it down as an affirmation.
Great work on not being as affected by someone else's anger, it isn't always easy to do.
Mike
That is really unfortunate that you have had to deal with that situation, you don't need to listen to that kind of stuff but don't be under the idea that you had let her speak to you like that. People are going to say whatever they are going to say and we do not have control over that. Telling yourself that you do would be lying to yourself because you really don't have such godly powers and it really does not help you, it is only another avenue for you to lose more self-esteem.
Now when i say you don't have to listen to that, Its just like how Lucinda was telling that story on the assertiveness tape about Mary who was being all mean and nasty to her about one of their groups and how Dr.Fisher handled it. He did not try to control her but he did agree with her that yes the group isn't the place for her and then he politely ended the conversation. In your situation simply saying you appreciate the invitation...state how you feel (maybe say however we cannot make it or we will not be making it), I wish you a wonderful evening and then say goodbye and thats it. Its being kind considerate to both you and her and its also taking care of yourself as well. She would definately think twice the next time she planned to do that, i would think that would be a way of laying down rules without actually directly saying these rules. We actually teach people how to treat us by the way we react or don't react to them. Also people who are self centered and demanding are just people who are going through the same garbadge that we are.
That was a good post, I have found many things in there helpful. I really like the part about Friends or family who challenge us only remind us to stay strong and with it. That is so good that i'm putting it down as an affirmation.
Great work on not being as affected by someone else's anger, it isn't always easy to do.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Alright now i'm going to talk about obsessive thoughts. For anybody who has Read either or both of Dr.David D Burns's books (feeling good and feeling good handbook) you would probabbly know about what he calls a silent assumption. For those of you who don't, a silent assumption is basically the rules we have for life and the events in life.
ie. If i'm rejected i'm a failure
Mistakes are bad
Love must be earned
Anything is possible
There is no such thing as failure
I believe some of these obsessive scary thoughts are actually generated based on some of the negative rules we have for life but they can be changed! Its actually really exciting if you think about it, you can be whoever you want by changing the rules of life! Isn't that exciting? If a rule isn't working for you then you can change it.
How do you do this? Well for full detail of how to find out your assumptions definately check out those books but there may be some you already know. What you can do is take those negative ones and list the advantages and disadvantages of having that rule. You will come to see that it costs you more then it serves you. Rewrite the rule into something more useful and then read that on a daily basis. You could also do the pros and cons of the new rule as well if you need more motivation. It however simply isn't enough to just read the words, imagine them! Visualize the best you can about it. How does it tie into the person you want to become?
Personally I have wrote mine in my workout journal which i use probabbly 4-6 days a week. Its still something new as i just decided to do this yestaurday so i'll let you know how its going.
Mike
ie. If i'm rejected i'm a failure
Mistakes are bad
Love must be earned
Anything is possible
There is no such thing as failure
I believe some of these obsessive scary thoughts are actually generated based on some of the negative rules we have for life but they can be changed! Its actually really exciting if you think about it, you can be whoever you want by changing the rules of life! Isn't that exciting? If a rule isn't working for you then you can change it.
How do you do this? Well for full detail of how to find out your assumptions definately check out those books but there may be some you already know. What you can do is take those negative ones and list the advantages and disadvantages of having that rule. You will come to see that it costs you more then it serves you. Rewrite the rule into something more useful and then read that on a daily basis. You could also do the pros and cons of the new rule as well if you need more motivation. It however simply isn't enough to just read the words, imagine them! Visualize the best you can about it. How does it tie into the person you want to become?
Personally I have wrote mine in my workout journal which i use probabbly 4-6 days a week. Its still something new as i just decided to do this yestaurday so i'll let you know how its going.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
oh ya i forgot to put some of my new beliefs up.
I look human if i fall short
Harsh words only upset me if I'm willing to buy into them
Trying is doing
Repression leads to misery and isolation. Expression leads to joy and connection
Love & Respect come naturally when i'm being myself
I can do things confidentally even if i'm not good at those things.
Its reasonable to continue a habit until its changed
Prepare for the worst, hope and imagine the best.
Mike
I look human if i fall short
Harsh words only upset me if I'm willing to buy into them
Trying is doing
Repression leads to misery and isolation. Expression leads to joy and connection
Love & Respect come naturally when i'm being myself
I can do things confidentally even if i'm not good at those things.
Its reasonable to continue a habit until its changed
Prepare for the worst, hope and imagine the best.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
More good stuff, Mike! 
On my sister in law, that was my plan to thank them for the invite and decline. We got the invite through the computer, replied as a no, regret. Couple wks. pass, thier uncle in Ohio who was turning 91 on Thursday. I called her to remind her about the 91 BD. At that time she jumped me about her brother ( my husband ) and why the f don't he go see this uncle every couple weeks ect... So my mistake I think was 1. going to the defence. 2. Thinking I could make her understand why he don't go, Then she went to the attack about us not coming to the wedding, and hoping we will not have F. regrets.
At that point I lost my focus. I stayed in the excuse mode, which are very valid, but once again I could have hopped out rather then think I was going to share my view and get respect for it.
Thats what happens when someone is not really wanting to know what your about. She had some real anger that came out, I don't know where it came from as I have not seen personally this side.
I should have gotten out when I seen the beginning like that. Thank you for your repy on the topic.
Your right on the garbage too. I have been learning that everyone has something or just stuff to deal with. We are admitting we need help getting though things, where some do not. They think everyone else has a problem. Thats where those lables come in. If you think a certian way you get this label. Its all garbage.
Oh I really like your new beliefs!!! They are all GREAT and very true.
Send them to Lucinda, they are worthy to be printed on cards!!!
Shoot I'lluse them!!!LOL...
On my sister in law, that was my plan to thank them for the invite and decline. We got the invite through the computer, replied as a no, regret. Couple wks. pass, thier uncle in Ohio who was turning 91 on Thursday. I called her to remind her about the 91 BD. At that time she jumped me about her brother ( my husband ) and why the f don't he go see this uncle every couple weeks ect... So my mistake I think was 1. going to the defence. 2. Thinking I could make her understand why he don't go, Then she went to the attack about us not coming to the wedding, and hoping we will not have F. regrets.
At that point I lost my focus. I stayed in the excuse mode, which are very valid, but once again I could have hopped out rather then think I was going to share my view and get respect for it.
Thats what happens when someone is not really wanting to know what your about. She had some real anger that came out, I don't know where it came from as I have not seen personally this side.
I should have gotten out when I seen the beginning like that. Thank you for your repy on the topic.
Your right on the garbage too. I have been learning that everyone has something or just stuff to deal with. We are admitting we need help getting though things, where some do not. They think everyone else has a problem. Thats where those lables come in. If you think a certian way you get this label. Its all garbage.
Oh I really like your new beliefs!!!
They are all GREAT and very true.Send them to Lucinda, they are worthy to be printed on cards!!!
Very GOOD, Mike!I look human if i fall short
Harsh words only upset me if I'm willing to buy into them
Trying is doing
Repression leads to misery and isolation. Expression leads to joy and connection
Love & Respect come naturally when i'm being myself
I can do things confidentally even if i'm not good at those things.
Its reasonable to continue a habit until its changed
Prepare for the worst, hope and imagine the best.
Shoot I'lluse them!!!LOL...
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Ah yes the defensive can definately spark that kind of negativity. In the feel good books there is a part in it about communication. A technique that they have there is called the disarm technique and what you do with that is instead of becoming defensive (because we are actually giving them the ammo to shoot us with), we partially agree with what they have to say because in reality there is always even a grain of truth in what they have to say. Especially with labels. Someone calls you stupid you can say yes there are many times when i am acting stupid or you could say well i am certainly not the smartest person in the world. Or you could go one step further (but only if you really want to anger them which prolly isn't to your benefit) and say you are absolutely right but i really don't care. This bothers people because 1)You have taken away any ammo they had on you and 2)People like to be heard and saying you don't care is like telling them it doesn't matter what they have to say. Ah and labels...labels are funny because they do not exist. We are not our behavior and we cannot possibly be stupid, bad or worthless 100% of the time, it just makes no sense.
I may get really annoying with this but I am going to hammer down on it. You actually shouldn't have gotten out when you saw that because that is not how you normally respond. You normally respond by doing what you had done with that conversation right? The only diffrence however is that you weren't as affected by that and this is a great accomplishment. You will probabbly end up responding in the same way many times but you have already got that ball of change going. It would be more beneficial to respond in the way that i suggested earlier and you will eventually get there but that is point B and there is point A...you still need to make that journey.
Its really difficult to deal with people who can't accept that they do things wrong and that maybe its them that is wrong instead of everybody else. It can be really annoying and actually i'm finding out that person who i had such a hard time with, he is the type that is like that. I talked to a mutual friend and he has told me about all these observations he's made. The guy has created a false self..he lives behind this self. What he says is usually the exact opposite and in his stories its always that the other person is crazy and its their fault. These people are fooling themselves into thinking that they need to be perfect in order to get love and respect from others. Its just a whole plan to impress other people.
You really think they're that good eh? I like them myself and that would be amazing if they were printed on cards for 1000's of people but how would i send them to Lucinda? I mean i could possibly call Carolyn, i got her number...at least i hope its still the same.
Mike
I should have gotten out when I seen the beginning like that
I may get really annoying with this but I am going to hammer down on it. You actually shouldn't have gotten out when you saw that because that is not how you normally respond. You normally respond by doing what you had done with that conversation right? The only diffrence however is that you weren't as affected by that and this is a great accomplishment. You will probabbly end up responding in the same way many times but you have already got that ball of change going. It would be more beneficial to respond in the way that i suggested earlier and you will eventually get there but that is point B and there is point A...you still need to make that journey.
Its really difficult to deal with people who can't accept that they do things wrong and that maybe its them that is wrong instead of everybody else. It can be really annoying and actually i'm finding out that person who i had such a hard time with, he is the type that is like that. I talked to a mutual friend and he has told me about all these observations he's made. The guy has created a false self..he lives behind this self. What he says is usually the exact opposite and in his stories its always that the other person is crazy and its their fault. These people are fooling themselves into thinking that they need to be perfect in order to get love and respect from others. Its just a whole plan to impress other people.
You really think they're that good eh? I like them myself and that would be amazing if they were printed on cards for 1000's of people but how would i send them to Lucinda? I mean i could possibly call Carolyn, i got her number...at least i hope its still the same.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/