relapsing?

india_6 · Post by **india_6** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:52 am

i have been doing great on the program. i haven't had a panic attack in over a month, probably longer, i lost track. recently, i lost a friend. his passing seemed to almost set something off inside of me. recently, even before his death, i noticed myself becoming withdrawn almost. not depressed, not panicky, just different. i was wondering to myself if maybe this was the change they talked about in the program. well last night, all of my old thoughts came back. i am struggling with the changes i am making, and dealing with a boyfriend who wants the "old" me back. i had a full out attack last night and it scared me to death. i was crying uncontrollably. it had been so long i forgot how terrifying and painful they were. there i was, back at square one, literally convinced i was dying. i remember saying outloud in between gasps for breath "i don't want to do this again".then i stopped. i was still panicking, but i stopped my brain. i let myself have it and it passed. after it was over i cried for a good twenty more minutes out of frustration for letting myself get to that point again, and out of just desperation i think. i don't know if it is a culmination of things in my life right now or what, but i felt very defeated. now i feel a little numb and just find myself wondering what is going to happen next...

love31 · Post by **love31** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:39 am

Well I think you did a great job in controlling yourself when it did happen! You let it know that you are in controll of yourself. Just because you had and attack does not meen that you are going to relapse, it gives you an oppurtunity to learn and to be able to control the attacks, sometimes with the amount of pressure that your under,they do come but just look at it as an oppurtunity to fight back! Remember you have panic attacks but they don't have you. You will be fine, and you are ok !!And with the thoughts that your having what is going to happen next? What is next is that you are on the right road to recovery!

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:25 am

Grief sits on our shoulders in different ways. I've had several losses since I began this program. I decided to do this program because of losses, grief, depression I couldn't crawl away from. My best advice is, there are tools here that will help you keep going. Some days it may be half an inch. Other days you are running a mile. Don't know what will happen next, and neither do you. That's crystal ball stuff. All the tools you need to walk these trails you have right here. As for others expectations of how or who or what we should be like, that's handled in Session 4.
I am truly sorry for your grief.
Your helping hand is staying with your program. When your personal support system fails, reach out here. This is a caring community. And we've all walked around in your shoes

.
Best to you.

The_Prodigy_Son · Post by **The_Prodigy_Son** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:30 am

You really need to keep your stress levels low. The death of your friend is understandable and I believe it was your friends death that made you vulnerable to a panic attack.

Your boyfriend really needs to be more considerate towards your problems with anxiety and panic attacks and fully understand that recovery is a gradual process. This added pressure of him demanding that he wants the old you back, is only going to delay your recovery. You should get him to go through the Combatting Stress and Depression Program programme, so that he has a much better understanding of your problem.

It is also a good idea during recovery not to push yourself to hard (doing to many things in a day, working long hours, etc.) and get back into things gradually. Keep working on becoming a positive and rational thinker. You should read "Telling Yourself The Truth" by William Backus and Marie Chapian. This book will help you re-train your thinking so that you become a positive rational power thinker, during times when your thoughts become overclouded with negative thoughts and misbeliefs. I would also advice that you listen to the lessons in the programme which you find most helpful - every day.

If you dedicate yourself to getting better, you well. You really need to give your body and mind the rest it needs to fully recover.

bradley1960 · Post by **bradley1960** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:43 am

India; Sometimes the changes we are making for our own progress put our significant other out of their comfort zone. Some things said are out of uncetainty or fear. My wife and I have been together for 24 years. She at times doubts that the progress I'm making is for the better. She sees me stand up to my thoughts and fears which can momentarily accelerate anxiety, (thats momentarily)and thinks this isn't working like it should. Usually she just needs a little space and some time. It may be hard for you to put up with and shoul be discussed openly and without accusations or arguments. both of you are growing as you make these changes. Hang in there and be strong as you were with that last panic attack. Sit back and watch for what the two of you become. parts of the trip may not be easy but the journey will prove productive. God bless, Bradley.