Making others feel bad.
With session 9 being about guilt and worry I am wondering if anyone else feels like I do. For example this may go under the assertive session as well, but for example, Lucinda mentions how we might be afraid that our friends and family may not like us if we tell the truth and be assertive. That we have the fear of them not loving us anymore. I feel like I might hurt that persons feelings. Does anyone else feel like this. I don't want to make the other person feel bad or hurt their feelings. Am I nuts or is this normal?
I am still struggling with worrying what other people will think of me when I am assertive, as well. I'm understanding that all it takes though, is a little bravery and practice. Like for example, before I see my mother-in-law or sister-in-law, I have to almost rehearse my responses to things I know they're going to ask me or talk about. They tend to be a little critical of me and I am very sensitive. I've needed to start out with little things, simple as telling the guy at the deli that I would like fresh sliced cold cuts instead of what's been sitting out under the case. (I know this may seem a little silly, but these are just the kinds of little things that would bug me and I wouldn't speak up.) My two favorite things mentioned on this audio session are "Say what you mean, mean what you say and drop it" and "...If they have a problem with me, tell them to get in line..." When it comes to worrying about hurting someone's feelings if I'm being assertive, I try to remember to greet every situation with a little compassion. I believe that helps me take the edge of a little in my body language and tone. This is not easy though by any means, this is a lifestyle change and it takes practice to build the confidence and become comfortable being assertive.
Re: Making others feel bad.
I completely understand this. Just 15 minutes ago I asserted myself with a staff member who is in a supervisory role for our Dept. Now I have a nagging fear that she will rebuff any assistance I ask from her in the future. Completely unprofessional of her and I don't REALLY think she will, but....