Worry and Obsession

proudmomof2 · Post by **proudmomof2** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:40 am

Help! My husband had an affair 4 years ago and everytime I see a car like the woman's I freak out. I have to catch up to it to see if it is her. If it was, not sure what I would do, but I just have to know. Also, everytime I get a call on my cell phone from a number I don't recognize, I have to call it to see if a woman answers (she called me on my cell to tell me about the affair)... have since changed number but if she got it once, she could get it again. Anyway, just got a call from a number I did not recognize which did not leave a message. So, I called it from my work phone. No one answered by a woman's voicemail message picked up. Can't really decipher if it was her or not. Driving myself crazy now. Should I call back and ask who it is? Should I pay $5 to get the information on the phone number? Going crazy... help!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:57 am

Hawaii!! relax! Call the number back, whats the worst that can happen?? its YOUR marriage. you must protect it. If you really want to stay in it, then tell your husband how your feeling. In the mean time, stick to the program.

I've never been married, but if your marriage is making u feel this way, you need to re evaluate it and sit down with your husband and really talk to him, because if he really loves u and would never do it again, he would have NO problem helping you through this. You have to feel secure in your marriage, or els it will fail and u wont ever be happy. If your always uneasy about the past, you must make peace with it and you have to do that through your husband since he is the root of it!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:08 am

Thanks CG. I am just so scared to call back and find out it is her or someone else. I thought I had dealt with this, but obviously I haven't. I also call and check his voice mail on his phones often. If I don't recognize numbers on his phone, I ask him about them. I know not trusting will kill our marriage and I have 2 beautiful little children I wouldn't want to do that to. I am hoping this program can help me to forgive as I know, I will never forget.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:13 am

Don't stay in a marriage for the sake of children! I swear thats the worst! people get married for the wrong reasons, I'm speaking in general here, not of your marriage at all.

If he truly loves you, he will help you. Be nothing but up front and honest with him and tell him EVERYTHING. Doing that alone, will help u feel better. I know its sooo scary to do that, I've been there, but once I did it, i realized how strong I was. Its an amazing feeling. Its a feeling you owe to yourself! He cheated, not you! u deserve honest answers and respect, u didnt walk away from him!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:20 am

I know you are right. We have talked about this many times. He is to the point now that he thinks I should be over it and he gets angry when I bring it up. I do love my husband. I have been with him since I was 18 (now 32), but it is just so hard to not let this get in the way of our marriage. I don't want to have to be medicated or going to therapy to be able to have a happy marriage. I guess I am confused. When I see the man I love, I think, yes, I made the right decision, but when I see the man who hurt me, I think I made the wrong decision.

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:33 am

Just do what your heart tells you to do, even if it scares the hell out of you. I promise you will come out of this ok! Please Please Please follow your heart.