Wow, it's great that you and your husband enjoy CA so much. It's too bad that your mom can't appreciate that right now. She may come around.
It sounds like CA suits you. I hope it all goes well!
Mom causing guilt
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Guest
Hello Ocean:
I think you should go live where you and your husband want to . You should feel no guilt.
Your Mom is acting like a spoiled brat. She has other children near by.
I think you should just ignow her pouting and complaining and trying to control you and your little family. The more you try to pacify her the worse she'll act. Trying to get her way.
I have a daughter living in New Mexico and one in Arizona. I live in Texas. They have a right to their life. I had my chance. When we love our children we let them be free. I miss my grandchildren. I love all 7 of them.
But I don't want to cripple them by hanging onto to them so that they can't experience adventure. I don't see my great-grandchildren much but I love them.
Like the program teaches, I am my own best friend and my happiness is accepting life on life's terms.
Your Mom can love you just as much no matter what State you move to. There is email, telephones and airplanes. We live in a small world anymore.
Go whereever you want and do not burden yourself with guilt. Do the best you can and honor your mother and love her. But I wouldn't cater to her pouting and control issues.
Wishing you a happy move!
MJ
I think you should go live where you and your husband want to . You should feel no guilt.
Your Mom is acting like a spoiled brat. She has other children near by.
I think you should just ignow her pouting and complaining and trying to control you and your little family. The more you try to pacify her the worse she'll act. Trying to get her way.
I have a daughter living in New Mexico and one in Arizona. I live in Texas. They have a right to their life. I had my chance. When we love our children we let them be free. I miss my grandchildren. I love all 7 of them.
But I don't want to cripple them by hanging onto to them so that they can't experience adventure. I don't see my great-grandchildren much but I love them.
Like the program teaches, I am my own best friend and my happiness is accepting life on life's terms.
Your Mom can love you just as much no matter what State you move to. There is email, telephones and airplanes. We live in a small world anymore.
Go whereever you want and do not burden yourself with guilt. Do the best you can and honor your mother and love her. But I wouldn't cater to her pouting and control issues.
Wishing you a happy move!
MJ
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Sit-N-Spin
- Posts: 51
- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:17 pm
Ocean,
You have to do what is best for you and your family. Maybe telling your mom that she is more than welcome to come and visit may help a little. Have you explained how unhappy you are where you live now? I think you should tell her that you HAVE to do what is best for you and your family and that you are sorry she is sad but that is the only way that you will be happy. Sometimes parents don't want to hear that we are happier away from where they live. I understand that it may make them upset but sometimes you have to say the way you feel and it sounds to me like you are SOOOO UNHAPPY where you are so being elsewhere with your family is the best thing for your kids. I hope that this helps.
Jennifier
You have to do what is best for you and your family. Maybe telling your mom that she is more than welcome to come and visit may help a little. Have you explained how unhappy you are where you live now? I think you should tell her that you HAVE to do what is best for you and your family and that you are sorry she is sad but that is the only way that you will be happy. Sometimes parents don't want to hear that we are happier away from where they live. I understand that it may make them upset but sometimes you have to say the way you feel and it sounds to me like you are SOOOO UNHAPPY where you are so being elsewhere with your family is the best thing for your kids. I hope that this helps.
Jennifier
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Guest
Thank you all so much for replying. Forever young, I'm so sorry that you have gone through so much in your life. And you were not being selfish at 16, you were being a teenager! Besides, the fact that your mom was not longer able to collect ss money is not your fault!! She could have easily gotten a job, ease up on yourself hon!!
MC Grace, thanks so much for your well wishes!!
Cornflower,
Thanks for your reply! I've also told her that many grandparents don't live 40 mins from their grandkids (our current situation) and everyone makes out just fine! I'm glad that you are able to allow your children breathing room!! I know that in this situation, it isn't me that she wants to see, it's my children. I lived in Portland, OR for about 3 months 8 years ago and my parents never even asked about coming to visit. Within 5 weeks of us moving to Cali, she was out to visit! I'm trying to do lots of things with her during our remaining time, trying to make the most of it!!!
Jennifer,
Yes, she knows that we aren't really that happy. But, I guess she's just too sad to see through that, I don't know. My husband really really hates it here, I was the reason we came back, and now I wish we never had. But I'm trying to put the past behind me and move on (which is very hard for me).
Take care everyone!!!
Ocean
MC Grace, thanks so much for your well wishes!!
Cornflower,
Thanks for your reply! I've also told her that many grandparents don't live 40 mins from their grandkids (our current situation) and everyone makes out just fine! I'm glad that you are able to allow your children breathing room!! I know that in this situation, it isn't me that she wants to see, it's my children. I lived in Portland, OR for about 3 months 8 years ago and my parents never even asked about coming to visit. Within 5 weeks of us moving to Cali, she was out to visit! I'm trying to do lots of things with her during our remaining time, trying to make the most of it!!!
Jennifer,
Yes, she knows that we aren't really that happy. But, I guess she's just too sad to see through that, I don't know. My husband really really hates it here, I was the reason we came back, and now I wish we never had. But I'm trying to put the past behind me and move on (which is very hard for me).
Take care everyone!!!
Ocean
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Guest
ugh I so relate to your mom guilt issue. My mother is JUST like this. My brother joe is 24 im 22 yet Im expected to whenever he has a mental crisis be the one who calls him and talks him back from the ledge. Joe has been spoiled his whole life while my mother taught me to be responsible for things I really shouldnt have been, (ie taking care of my little brother and sister everyday all summer when I just turned 12) However I love that now because I am more independent and capable than alot of people my age.
I love my brother to death and have on several occasions talked him through problems yet he is depressed because he has to pay his credit card, student loans and rent. Welcome to being 20 something!! However my mother feels like she has to hold his hand and got really pissed at me for telling her to let go and let him experience life. She took my advice and now he wont talk to her anymore and she says its my fault!!!
I havent talked to her in a few days and im not going to give in to her manipulation but I know how our convo will go . she will say that she counsels me when im anxious and scared so I should do the same for him. Yet im NOT his mother and thats what mothers do for their children! Give them emotional support. sorry for the rant Im just glad for the day when I have a kid that I will know this lesson and not treat my child like this. ahh! (ha ha)
I love my brother to death and have on several occasions talked him through problems yet he is depressed because he has to pay his credit card, student loans and rent. Welcome to being 20 something!! However my mother feels like she has to hold his hand and got really pissed at me for telling her to let go and let him experience life. She took my advice and now he wont talk to her anymore and she says its my fault!!!
I havent talked to her in a few days and im not going to give in to her manipulation but I know how our convo will go . she will say that she counsels me when im anxious and scared so I should do the same for him. Yet im NOT his mother and thats what mothers do for their children! Give them emotional support. sorry for the rant Im just glad for the day when I have a kid that I will know this lesson and not treat my child like this. ahh! (ha ha)
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Guest
Hi Jocie22,
Although I don't like to see others in the same situation, it is comforting to know I'm not alone! My husband's mom is completely opposite. She just says that we are grown ups (I'm almost 30) and can do as we please. It's so refreshing to see an attitude like that!
You are right, you should not have to take care of your brother! He is a grown man and yes, you do have to pay the bills when you grow up, but I'd much rather be able to make my own choices and be 'grown up' than live with my parents again, lol!
I went to Berkeley once to buy a juicer from a guy on CL, it's nice city! We lived in Los Gatos and adored the town. I just wish it wasn't so expensive!!!!
We'll be coming back very soon. I can't wait!!!
Take care,
Ocean
Although I don't like to see others in the same situation, it is comforting to know I'm not alone! My husband's mom is completely opposite. She just says that we are grown ups (I'm almost 30) and can do as we please. It's so refreshing to see an attitude like that!
You are right, you should not have to take care of your brother! He is a grown man and yes, you do have to pay the bills when you grow up, but I'd much rather be able to make my own choices and be 'grown up' than live with my parents again, lol!
I went to Berkeley once to buy a juicer from a guy on CL, it's nice city! We lived in Los Gatos and adored the town. I just wish it wasn't so expensive!!!!
We'll be coming back very soon. I can't wait!!!
Take care,
Ocean